Innerchild

The sober me doesnt like confrontation and I will hold in my anger instead of trying to speak to the person who made me angry in a healthy manner. I cant stand feeling angry and in the past if someone pissed me off Id drink at them to calm myself down.

Ive been out of the "looney bin" for almost two weeks now and on an anti depressant. I havent really dealt with anger until yesterday. The guy who is subletting the house i was living in from the owners who didnt know I was living there text my boyfriend that he had to get the rest of my stuff out today (yesterday). This guy promised me the owners would not find out and he wouldnt leave me out on my ass. The day I was discharged he told me I couldnt go back to the house and it was the straw tha broke the camels back I admitted myself back into a psych unit.
Now the guy told me that the owners found out I was living there and my roommate his girlfriend was moving out into his own apartment as well. Now I dont believe his story I think bc he found out I was in a psych unit that he didnt want me living there anymore. I have a sneaky suspicion she is still living there and someone else is moving into my room bc he just seems so rushed for getting out the rest of my stuff. He used the excuse his kids are staying at the house on the weekend but there are four bedrooms in that place so I dont believe it.


My boyfriend told him that he was figuring out a place to put the rest of my stuff bc he didnt have room in his apt.. While I was listening to their phone conversation my anger just rose and I wanted to give this guy a peice of my mind. My bf told me to calm down it wasnt worth it so I tried bc I didnt want it affecting the rest of my day.

This situation makes me so angry. He promised he would not just tell me to leave the house. I loved that house so much it was gorgeous and I get really upset thinking about it.

Thank God I am not drinking bc give me a few shots of Vodka Id go bat sh%t crazy on him lol.

So how do you guys cope with anger without drinking?

Threshold

This is how I am currently dealing with anger. Like you, I often tell my story to someone. I have some friends who are comfortable with letting me get it off my chest. They know I just need to say it and don't expect them to fix it or get angry with me.

Then I do something to work off the chemicals that my body has released due to the anger. I find physical activity essential.

Next, I do NOT let my feeling of anger decide how I will spend my time and energy. I do things purposeful in my life, rather than setting them aside and let anger call the shots. Sometimes I have to force myself to start the process, but usually once I start it gains steam on it's own.

Some days, part way through my hike I will stop being focused on the anger, and realize I am planning the rest of my day around me.
feel the anger loosening its hold on me.

Some days i have to force myself all along in order to do things that take ME forward. Cook, clean, watch a movie, whatever, but let reason rather than anger lead my decision making process.

Anger is a feeling, but I don't have to let it be the force behind my decision making.

Dee74

I'm sorry for all of that Innerchild. I think it's ok to be angry about stuff - sometimes things are unfair, sometimes things just suck...

Where it becomes a problem, I think, is where we can't work through those feelings and let them go, or when our mind turns to the old solution....alcohol.

I find exercise is great for anger, or listening to music I really love, or watching a funny movie. A gratitude list - listing all the things we're grateful for can help too - kinda helps keep everything in perspective, y'know?

I hope you find a new place quickly - best wishes - sounds like you might be better off out of it with your old landlord anyway?

D

Innerchild

I am so angry and if my old roommate hadnt deleted me off fb and its taking a lot to hold back and not go over to the house and bitch her out. My boyfriend told me yesterday that the owner hadnt text him his gf my old roommate took his phone and text my boyfriend a rude message because she feels that we are taking advantage of his kindness by keeping my stuff at the house. Well, my bf doesnt have room for my stuff and so whats the big deal?

I told my bf who told me I was paranoid that I know that one of my old roommates friends moved in thats why she wants my stuff out right away. I was lied to by the guy subletting me the place stating the owners found out we were there and I had to leave that day. I txt him yesterday and he called me so we could discuss this and I asked him did this girl move in. He told me that she did but its only temporary.

Now I know his gf wanted me to move out and he went along with it. I am so angry and hurt I don't know how to deal with it. My bf tells me I need to let it go but I have such a tough time doing so.

AnodyneShift

Not well!!!!

But it's a process of learning control. At least that's how it feels to me.

A little over five months sober, and I'm just scratching the surface of being able to deal with anger in a healthier way.

Buddhist reading and meditation, the third step and serenity prayers numerous times through the day...

D

Dee74

I think you really are best to move on IC.
It doesn't sound to me like there's much you can do about it.

Sometimes life is really sad, or unfair - I think it's wasted energy to be resentful about that. Maybe it's better to be glad you're out of that situation?

D

justjo

How do you deal with anger?

Good question and I thought about this too.

What I do now is sit quietly, ask myself what Im really upset about, dont take it personally and how important is it to me. We all get angry or upset at some stage hey. It takes time to learn how to be (ok) with ourselves I guess and Im at a stage in my life where the important things matter only.

You see IC, I was pretty damn angry at my sister for along time because she wouldnt listen to me and she died from liver failure due to alcohol. I was still angry with her after that,you know, 'how could she do that to me'

I realize now, it was my fear of being alone, you know, without a sister for the rest of my life.. I still get upset sometimes, sad. I cant be angry with her anymore.
IC, getting angry with other people is just something us humans do, or get use to. Once I started working on myself and accepting that there are all kinds of people out there and I can choose who I want to be around. I choose to be around wise, friendly & loving people. Give it a go.

JJ