sissy07

I have been sober now a little over 5 months. SR has been my constant source of inspiration and knowledge....I am sure I would not have stayed sober without it.

Something is wrong today. I have an almost irresistable urge to go to the store and buy some wine.

I have been constantly sick the last month or so - right now I have an eye infection in one eye and a pounding headache. It is noon here in Austin - a beautiful day. My dogs want to go for a walk, so I plan to get outside for a little while soon - I can't stand the guilt.

My problem since getting sober has been that I absolutely don't want to do any chores. My house is a disaster, my personal grooming is not what it usually is....I don't want to do anything. I know part of it is from not feeling well today, but this has been a recurring problem for me. I feel like a whiner - the day is beautiful and there are no big problems looming (like there was when I drank), and I still feel no motivation, no energy, no anything. It is like I am paralyzed and numb. I have so many things I need to take care of, and I just don't do it. Instead I just sit here petting my dogs, watching television, getting tenser about not doing thing as time goes on. This is not how I used to be - I was such a doer. Is THIS the new me? I hope not.

I want the old me back. I want the me when I was sober - happy, with lots of energy, everything taken care of and more. I am sober, but not very happy and very stuck. What can I do to get out of this funk? I can't make myself do anything.

Please don't suggest AA - it is not for me I don't think. Thanks for any help you can give me. I know this is not very well written - I just don't have it in me to be witty, etc. Thanks for reading this - I am scared.

Sunny27

Hi sissy, you sound down because you are not well. i suppose you are thinking the booze will ease the boredom somewhat?

5 months is an epic achievement, I am only at 2 weeks today. Why not go for a walk, get a coffee and do a bit of people watching and then come home and do one chore. maybe when you see the progress from one you won't feel so guilty.

Sorry, am not much help, I am only new here so hopefully someone more experienced will come along soon, but I didn't want to read and not post.

Sunny xx

foodie1

I'm sorry to hear you're so down sissy. It sounds like it might be time to consult your doctor? In the meantime, I know that doing a gratitude list always helps me. I hope you feel better soon!

suki44883

Oh, Sissy, I know exactly how you feel. I don't know if it has anything to do with the not drinking, but I've been where you are. Part of it could be because you're sick, but part of it could be a bit of depression. You might want to see your doctor and just explain what's going on with you, just like you did here. I've been where you are and I know it isn't fun. Maybe you'll feel a bit better after you get outside for a bit. I'm in the DFW area, and yeah, it's a gorgeous day.

Fubarcdn

It sounds like you may be suffering from some type of depression. Maybe you should talk to your doctor about it. May not be this but it couldn't hurt to consider that possibility.

sugarbear1

You've heard about programs other than AA in the last 5 months. Can you start one? I chose AA, but if it weren't for any program, I don't think I would be sober today OR I would have stayed stopped many years of heartache ago through self-willed stopping. Wait, I did that and it didn't last. You could listen to speakers on xa-speakers.com, at least you'll be entertained for a while.

Best wishes and no matter what, stay stopped. Relax, get well, and maybe you'll get motivated later. 5-6 months can be like that...

Anna

I didn't want the old me back. The old me, long before drinking days, was a control-freak who vascillated between depression and anger. So, I was happy to shed my skin and find the 'real' me, who I knew had been there all along.

It could be depression. I would definitely talk to your dr about that possibility.

I do find that a Gratitude Journal helps a lot during difficult times.

Itchy

Sissy,
Do you have an issue with any face to face local help? Have you spoken with your doctor about your drinking whether in the past or when you quit honestly and with the real amounts? See I feel like you do from time to time, and I find that I don't do what I thought I would sober and get angry with myself. This even more than a year sober. But I get out force myself and romp with the pups in the sunshine, then I get some things done a little at a time and soon I am back to what is normal for me now. I can do anything, but the pink cloud is definitely over. And that is OK. My worst day sober is better than my best day drinking hard. Pry your axe off that chair, and stop feeling guilty, do one little thing for the pup, then one little thing for you. Then look around and do some more.

For me it helps if I make lists. And no I don't have to do them all in one day, but it does feel good to realize my list is all crossed off again! I am not marginalizing your feelings today. I have felt the same. Worse drinking. I can at least do something about me sober.

Some days the best I can manage is

LoftyIdeals

Dont you hate when your touchpad deletes all you've written? That just happened to me in my response to you.

Anyway, I'm glad you posted. You've always been such a source of positive inspiration in your posts that I'm really sorry to hear how down you are now.

I'm also a little over 5 months. At 3 months, I experienced what you describe, and I found my answer when I googled PAWS, which I had read about on this site. I'd suggest you do that. A little education may go a long way; it did for me.

I also get depressed, especially in the winter months, so I go on antidepressants. I had seasonal affective disorder, or SAD, and the medicine helps, along with exercise and light therapy.

Someone suggested exercise. I totally agree. Activity begets activity. Exercise gets the endorphins flowing. I'd strongly urge a brisk walk or a workout, and to do it daily.

Sissy, I hope you feel better soon!

eJoshua

Congratulations on your sober time!

I don't mean to sound trite, but it does sound like you are very focused on not drinking but not so focused on recovery. I certainly can understand that feeling, because I've been there before. I found that it wasn't until I started to address some of my underlying issues that I was able to find any peace or security in my sobriety. Sure, there are still tough days and days where I feel depressed -- especially in winter -- but overall these have become more the exception than the rule.

Have you talked to a counselor about your feelings? Have you considered other programs of recovery besides AA?

Best wishes

langkah

Sorry you're feeling bad.

Nirvana1

If you are really an edge 24/7, not happy, and want to drink, do you really think it's best to rule out something that might change your life before you even try?

sissy07

Thanks to everyone that replied.....it helped. So I went to the store and bought some icecream instead of wine. Ahhhh...today I won't drink. Thanks again.

Dee74

Some great advice here Sissy

Like Itchy said, you've been a source of constant positive inspiration, so I'm sorry to hear you've been feeling low - I'm glad you're working through it.

I'd like to add one more suggestion to the pile - I'm not a Dr, but this link helped me when I was feeling many of the same things you're feeling now

PAWS « Digital Dharma

D

CaiHong

Hi Sissy,

Sorry to hear you are feeling down. It is difficult when you feel like this to do anything that has been suggested and good suggestions might I add.

I have been following your posts and I remember a similar post a few months back. Have you been feeling like this for all of this time?

I am coming up to 8 months now and I think at around 6 months I had an incredible desire to drink which surprised me. It was triggered by anger and tiredness, I think. I managed to overcome the craving and since that nothing like it. It was like the AV was giving it one last shot before it scuttled off. I think there are milestones along the way in recovery.
I have a program of recovery, I use this site and AA. Take the advice given, make lists see a doctor, find a program. You need to take action even though you have no desire or energy to do so. Your energy will come back once you start.

I have a lot of faith in your recovery and I know that you can make it. It is up to you to instigate the changes.

All the best
CaiHong

jocata

I was where you are at a week or so ago. I'm not even 2 months sober this time though. Could be paws, depression.
I don't know if you do work a recovery program other than reading and posting here. That is great and it does help immensly. It sure helps me alot.

But I have to physically meet with other people in recovery too.

If you are just not drinking and doing nothing else, it may be time to make some more changes.

Best wishes and God bless.

multimaggs

Hi Sissy, glad to hear that the ice cream won....it helps with me too. I've had some of the same feelings even though I too have not been drinking, not wanting to do chores, cleaning, shopping...things that I really do need to be doing. I said it to my counsellor and her response was that maybe that is just what you need to do now...nothing. However, because that really was never the way I operated I felt really guilty. This feeling has passed...not totally, and I am doing more and feeling more motivated and less guilty. I think we can beat ourselves up about what we SHOULD be doing...and that is often not a great way to treat ourselves.

sissy07

Multimaggs, thank you for your response. (My thanks button wouldn't work on yours!)

The strong feeling that I wanted to drink today really, really concern me. If it wasn't for this forum I may have slipped. Thank goodness I didn't, and I have you guys to thank.

I think I need to add something to my plan - I am going to work on that. Thank you so much..........

quitforme79

hang in there sissy07..many of your threads have inspired me and you have helped me get thru some tough times. I know you have it in you to keep going sober. So proud of you for not getting the wine, you are doing great ((hugs))