gypsy1740

hi , i have been drinking since i was 16 and heavily since the ages or 18-19. first it started by working in pubs where i would only just drink beer or wine. then it started to get more and more and eventually turned to vodka. in the past 2 years i have been drinking prob nearly 4 litres a week and still keeping a job, i would wake up every morning and have 3 drinks b4 i went to work. eventually last october it caught up with me when i had 2 seizures and put in hospital for 3 days. before the seizuers i tried to give up and went on vallium under the doctor. but when i came off that i thought it was fine to have one drink but back on the vodka i went. then when in october i had the seizures i stopped completley, went back on the vallium for a few weeks and was feeling alot better, i started to drink non alco beer which was fine and was off the vallium. for xmas i thought i wud get myself a bottle of vodka as i had been so good...BIG MISTAKE. since xmas i have been on a litre a day , finally this week i found myself feeling really sick , unable to drink water or eat anything. i had to take myself back to the doctors and it turns out i had ripped all the lining from my stomach which was causing acid that had burnt my whole chest. after four days of taking meds and vallium i finally could eat a bit of toast. i am still suffering from the heart flutters and panic attacks, at night i have the most weird dreams and wake up in sweat saturated sheets terrified. there are points during the day when i feel fine and others when im a quiverring wreck. if anyone can help please do so!!

dawnrunner

Gypsy, well done in trying again. I hope you are feeling better soon. hang in there!

Might be a good idea to see a doctor if you haven't lately - I wasn't sure from your post.

There's a thread on this board about many people's experiences in withdrawal that makes some excellent reading.

Best wishes to you today!

Sapling

Welcome to SR...You sound just like me when I said....I've had enough. Detox...Rehab and a program of recovery...Or die an alcoholic death...I had two choices....Sounds like you do too.

Sapling

You know what really got me...I couldn't stomach a bologna sandwich...But I could drink from morning till night...Not a good place to be.

Ghostlight

I've been where you are more times than I can count.
Solemn vows, not drinking hard stuff only drinking beer all failed me. I was soon right back at it.

It took a scary withdrawal to make me finaly quit. I hope you do the same.
And please keep seeing the doctor and be brutaly honest about your drinking.

Wishing you the best.

HenryKrinkle

Hang in there gypsy. You can do this. You may feel bad now, but there is a huge payoff when it is over.

jocata

We're cheering you on gypsy. Just remember how bad it is right now. You don't have to go through this hell again if you choose not to.

You have proved to yourself that you can't start drinking again without life-threatning consequences. I had to learn it the hard way too. Search for a program that works for you and cling to it as if your life depends on it--because it does.

God bless.

Dee74

Welcome to SR Gypsy
How are you feeling today?

D

artsoul

Welcome Gypsy!

I'm glad you reached out for support today. Those first days can be pretty hard and it really helps to know others understand and have "been there."

Take it a day at a time and keep reading/posting. Things really will get better.....

gypsy1740

thankoyu everyone for your help. i am going ok, been back to the doctors again 2day and have got some more vallium but he was not very impressed with me which is hard to take as he is so nice.
my worst thought is never being able to drink again........ that is a long time. im not sure if i can do it or not but will keep trying

gypsy

stepping

you HAVE to keep trying! your consumption was literally killing you. please don't give up you have to get sober. please just dont drink! dont look at it like FOREVER without a drink just look at it as TODAY i wont drink!

artsoul

You don't have to think about "forever" gypsy - just focus on getting through today. I got through the first days minute by minute sometimes. Come here as much as you can - it helps.

It's normal to be scared and think life is going to be miserable, but it's just the fear of the unknown. Don't buy into it, just give yourself some time. Eat, sleep, clean out your closet, whatever it takes. We're all behind you 100%!

mwstylee

I also thought it was not very normal when I could easily take down a few swigs of vodka at 7am on an empty stomach, but could not even swallow 1 bite of food without feeling sick. How crazy is that. Keep going and it will get better. I can honestly say there is no better feeling than sober & living life normal.

gypsy1740

the most annoying part is that i have no idea why i drink! i will have to take it one day at a time and like you have said keep myself occupied. wish i i had my car because where i live it is very secluded , but because of my drinking i lost my licence due to the seizures. i had a bit of a wake up call today as there was a car accident today in which there was a guy that i knew who was a year younger than me died, he was just travelling home to see family, yet here is me drinking myself to death which is so self-fish. heres to tomorrow !

Dee74

Forever was hard for me to contemplate too Gypsy, but committing to not drinking today sounded feasible...so I did that, day after day, for a while until forever didn't seem so daunting

Hang in there - use the support that's here too

D

gypsy1740

hey guys well its been over a week !!! blood test 2mrw i have although found a new way of not drinking and tht is razor blades. every time i fancy a drink i just cut , i know its not great but it is not harming myself.

jocata

Gypsy, cutting is not the answer and it is harming yourself. This could lead to more serious issues. Find a program of recovery, AA works great for many people. There are other types you can research on this site. Please talk to your doctor or a therapist about what you are doing. That is not safe.

God bless.

artsoul

Hi gypsy -

Please tell your doctor about the cutting when you go in tomorrow for your blood test, OK? A lot of us find that when we stop drinking, we have issues that need to be addressed.

During the first few weeks of sobriety, I had to keep things as simple for myself as possible because I knew how easily I could let myself get overwhelmed. Try to be good to yourself today.....:ghug3

TheOjibway84

well done in trying again! What counts most is that your determined to beat this addiction. I was lucky I never got seizures and I'm a diabetic alcoholic! I drank 4 days straight with little food, I was out most of the day so I never took my meds for Diabetes and when asked if I wanted something to eat I'd lie and say I ate already. I was so drunk all I cared about was drinks. When I started to feel too sick I did manage to eat and remembered if I didn't eat my blood sugar would drop due to the booze. So even my common sense was still trying to fight back in my crazy mind. I spent 4 days of pure drinking and out in the bars. Most mornings I was starting to feel the effects of a major hangover so I'd go out for a walk and literally wait till the liquor store opened so I could buy vodka myself. It was crazy times and I'm very happy today. 5 months sober. If I can do it you can too It'll be a hard journey but the end results will leave you astonished on how you drank so much back then. I still feel like I wasn't there when I was drinking myself to death. It wasn't me. I didn't care about anyone or my well being. I wanted to drink my funds away. But I came to realization then when I got in big trouble with my job for not showing for 3 shifts in a row I had to stop drinking because I was going to run out of money but it was too late. I had 80 dollars in my account and I had to try so hard not to go out and blow it on booze. I was living on my own for 5 months and couldn't even handle it. Now I'm 5 months sober lol. I had to move back home into my parents because I couldn't even give my landlord enough money for my rent. I was always able to manage to give her the 250 I owed every month and sometimes I was very close to broke because I would pay her, go grocery shopping, stop by the bar, then go to the liquor store then walk back with my buggy of groceries and be drunk when I got back. The only reason why I could do as often as I wanted to with no issues from landlord or the room mates was the fact that we were all drinkers and most of the time when I got up at 4pm... I was a night shift worker this past summer my landlord would have drank by then and was all bubbly and drunk so she didn't think I had a drinking problem. Im just so grateful for today. good luck once again. lol once I start typing it comes all out.

Sapling

That's not good....Not good at all. I don't see how that is not harming you...It hurt me just to think about it....There are a lot of ways you can achieve sobriety and that is probably the one I would recommend the least. Talk to your doctor tomorrow and explain your situation....Maybe they will have a better option for you....Have you ever considered going to an AA meeting or something?....Because that is definitely not the answer.