Detoxer

I'm struggling right now but getting better. I've decided to detox myself at home. I live by myself, and have detoxed numerous times, been to rehab four times (most recently 1/1/11). I stayed sober for 100 days thanks to AA and Naltrexone, but I relapsed back in April, and steadily wound up back to my old ways since then. On average, I drink about 12 to 18 beers a day and usually spread out over about 12 hours, smoke or vaporize weed daily, and smoke about a pack of cigs a day. Occasionally, I will drink a 5th of Vodka spread out over the day instead of beer, sometimes Sake, sometimes red wine, and occassionally I will go off on a terrible binge and black out. I have high blood pressure which is due to alcoholism and genetics, but am currently off meds because I'm too broke to see a Dr. I'm 43 and have been a heavy drinker and pothead since High School. I'm an athletic person, but I haven't been doing much of anything but drinking and smoking since October.

I drank 14 beers on Sunday, and decided to quit drinking Monday. After reading posts on this forum and others, I decided to wean myself off to try and prevent a seizure. I have no history of seizures, but still worried this time. I'm trying to quit everything including tobacco.

So Monday, I bought an 18 pack of Budweiser and got 7 xanex (0.25 mg) from a friend. I had a bacon, egg and cheese biscuit and a lot of sweet tea for breakfast, took one xanex around noon, and drank lots of Vitamin Water and water. I went to the latest AA meeting of the day, and drank 5 buds (1 per hour) starting at 9pm. I vaporized the last of really potent weed. I did not sleep well and fealt like crap. My shakes were bad, and twitching and abdominal pain (under rib on my left side). Tuesday was a little worse and the sweats started, and I repeated the same thing, except I ate healthy (fruits and veggies and chicken) even though it gave me terrible heartburn and abdominal pain. One xanex in the am, went to an AA meeting at 5:30 pm, and drank 5 beers (1 per hour) starting at 7pm. Slept a little, but terrible sweats and twitching. Today, I went to a meditation AA meeting at 8:30 am, then ham, egg and cheese and orange juice and a xanex around noon. I sweated and had the shakes pretty bad, but fealt a little better. I had a chef salad for dinner, and went to another AA meeting at 8pm sweating like crazy and cracked my 1st beer after 9. I plan to drink 4 (1 per hour) tonight. I've stopped sweating and feel pretty good after my 2nd beer.

I've been taking Thiamin (100 mg twice a day) a multivitamin, and fish oil since Monday. I started taking Kudzu today as well. I've smoked less than a half pack of cigs since Monday, but I've dipped 3 cans of Skoal. I have 4 beers left for tomorrow night after 5:30 pm meeting. Hopefully, I will not need them. I plan to double my xanex dose so I will not be shaking for a business meeting, and I'm going to eat healthy and drink Vitamin Water and water as usual. I'll hit the 8:30 am meditation AA meeting too.

I am not proud of myself, but this beats the hell out of another rehab. I'm scared for what is in store for the next few days. I have not told anyone what is going on. My family and most friends think I've been sober for a year. Everyone has given up on me, so I wouldn't have any support if I needed it except for AA, and I'm too embarrassed to confide in anyone until I can pick up that white chip. I can't wait. If I am still shaking and sweating after tomorrow, I will continue weaning down to 3 beers for 2 days, 2 for 2 and so on. My eyes are pretty bloodshot on the insides as of today too, so I'm kind of worried about that meeting.

I pray for all of you in recovery, and hope you will do the same for me. Sorry for long post, but I need to unload and maybe someone can help. Thanks

desertsong

I pray for you too, my friend. And rehab is not necessarily a given ... I don't blame you for not wanting to go through that again. Have you seen your doc for help with all of this? Given your history, it seems to me that medical help and the support of your doctor for your detox would be the best first choice you could make (it usually is). If you're serious about detoxing and being and honest about your history, medical support could do you a world of good. I definitely read in your post that you are serious about getting clean but yes, it is so hard to do it alone. The best hope is that you are READY, just make sure you do it in a way that will bring you success.

You can unload any time on these forums. That's what we're here for. Wishing and praying for a clean/sober life for you. You will enjoy it so much more.

Dee74

welcome to SR

maybe there's a free or low cost clinic near you?

Free/Low-Cost/Sliding-Scale Clinics

my last detox nearly killed me - whatever it costs, it's worth it to be safe I think Detoxer.

if you feel ill or at all concerned there's always the ER.
D

sugarbear1

please see a doctor-you're shaking and your body can't be processing all of the alcohol (60 oounces) by morning...please get medical help.

Detoxer

Thanks for the concern. I did not sleep well and am shaking, but I feel pretty good this morning...very hungry. I didn't really sweat last night, but passed a lot of water through my system. I think I'll share at the AA meeting this morning what is going on, and get someone to hang out with me tonight. The ER is very close. Thanks again

dawnrunner

Best wishes for today and all the life you still have ahead of you!

This is a great time to restart your life, and you will be amazed at the joy it brings you.

And keep on posting about your beautiful journey back to health and sanity. Cheering for you today!

Innerchild

Congrats on your journey but if you feel worse you should go to the hospital and spend a few days detoxing where they monitor you and will give you something to take the edge off. I know when I was admitted I was monitored but I didnt have withdraws but others were given librium and such. Stay safe.

Detoxer

Thanks for all the support. I feeling much better. Shakes and sweats are not as bad, but I do have a headache. I just completed a 2 hour business meeting, and fealt like I was on top of my game. I just took one xanax. I was just sweating a little at first, but sober people do that too, and I settled down. Looking forward to my second AA meeting of the day. Maybe I want need those last 3 beers, but not pooring them down the sink just yet. Thanks

Nirvana1

Hey sugar I've seen you post this a few times. It's actually 1 ounce of "pure alcohol" per hour processed that is the theory, not an ounce of beer. I think you've been confused that if you drink a 12 ounce beer that it takes 12 hours to process out when it's actually about 1 hour per unit of alcohol. 1 unit is 1.5 ounces of 80 proof liquor or 12 ounces of 4% beer, or some fashion of that.

Hooped

Good for you Detoxer, sounds like your plan is working for you and you are likely past any danger zone now, but you never know, so still be careful and get some help if you feel you need it.
People here always told me that it gets easier, I didnt quite believe it but after 51/2 months now I agree it does indeed get easier, so hang in there.

kiknit

I just completed a 2 hour business meeting, and fealt like I was on top of my game. I just took one xanax. Thanks[/QUOTE]

I don't think I did that quote thing right. Anyways, my suggestion is to focus on how you felt during and after that meeting. Do not focus on how others perceive you, this is your deal. Do it for yourself.

I wish you well.

artsoul

Welcome Detoxer -

Glad you're getting back into recovery. There's a lot of support and inspiration here 24/7 - it's been a real lifeline for me. Glad you're here and hope you continue to feel better.....

FoundmySelf

Welcome Detoxer. I really hope that you continue to post here on SR. This is a wonderful community with a lot of help and support.

Detoxer

I have to admit that I'm in the best mood I've been in all week, but I have fallen off track with my plan to wean off alcohol. I finally had a good day at work...landed a client. Went to AA meeting at 5:30. Since 7, I've had 6 buds, helped smoke a blunt, vaporized, and smoked 10 cigs. I feel fine, but we'll have to see how tomorrow goes. I'll go to the doctor and at least 2 meetings tomorrow. I have too much to loose at this point to binge. I still have 4 xanex and 2 buds left, and I'm actually thinking I'll do a yoga class or light workout tomorrow. When I say buds, I mean beer. I drank 2 beers and smoked the weed at a friends house after meeting, and then I've had 4 more beers since I got home 1.5 hours ago. I still haven't told friends what is going on, and I'm definately not talking to enough people at meetings. I did share this morning, but there were only 6 of us. It was weird and kind of funny. A lady opened a Fresca...sounded just like when I open a bud in the middle of silent part of meditation and then proceeded to burp and pass gas for 30 minutes. I was ill, but I laugh about it now. Then she shared about Valium addiction and bi-polar disease. I had to share that I have been mis-diagnosed with bi-polar in the past, and when the alcohol is taken out the equation for more than 30 days, I don't show any signs. I've never been medicated for it, but my mom is bi-polar so it made sense at first. Among my friends in recovery/relapse/disease, it is common to be mis-diagnosed as bi-polar.

I hope my experience will help someone else...I'm still working at it. I need to look around the forum and see if I can give someone else support while I'm in a good mood. I will not give advice, because my methods are against medical advice from any physician, but I just want to share my experience, and support everyone who is struggling. It ain't all about me... I'm going to read the 3rd step prayer (page 63 Big Book for newbies) first. Let's all find a way to health in 2012.

Detoxer

I just flipped over to some pages I highlighted in "The Doctor's Opinion" If you are new to AA and reading this post, stop whatever you are doing and read this. If you don't have a big book, post and we'll find a link. Good stuff!

MemphisBlues

Detoxer...I don't know what to say. Beer Benzos and pot were my life. Sixteen months later, well...my detox was a trip to say the least.

Posting here shows you have the desire. You obviously can't take the time off from work to just bite the bullet and ride out the detox, but I admire your determination to at least try.

Maybe you can try a little harder? I do not understand going to a meeting than smoking pot and having a few beers.

I know of nary a single soul that has successfully weaned from alcohol...It's an all or nothing proposition.

Step One, friend, Step One.

Do you share in meetings about your plan?

Sapling

No offence Detoxer...Love the name...This is some of the craziest **** I've read on here. You're cramming in AA meetings and slugging beers and smoking pot on the way home. What's the point? Throwing Zanax on top of that...It's like a living trainwreck...Let me ask you one question....Are you done yet?? You don't sound like it to me....If that is your idea of recovery...Rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic is a better fit. You have to ask yourself honestly...What do you want to do with your life...This plan you have is nuts!

Detoxer

I do not understand why I had a post-AA party either, but I just want to try to be honest and communicate in some way, and this forum is really helpful. I will share about all this at the am meeting. I am making progress MemphisBlues, because of people like you. I'm detoxed enough now to have the courage to deal with people face to face at AA. I really want a cig right now...

Detoxer

I know Sapling, but coming down from 12 to 18 beers a day on work days and worse on weekends, not being able to drive to a meeting, blowing off work, and smoking pot constantly....to a 6-pack or less, 2 pot smoking sessions and 3 0.25 mg xanax in 4 days is progress for me. I can't afford to do it the right way, but I'm going to try to make it my own crazy train wreck way. I do not recommend this for anyone, but I wanted to document my progress and failures honestly for myself and others. I hope you are well! Thanks

Detoxer

Eating some pistachios and drinking Vitamin Water Revive...gonna read the Big Book too!