here we go again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 133
here we go again
After over 3 weeks sobriety, I caved in. We all like to make excuses, but to be honest, it was a moment of weakness. Back to day zero now, after drinking 4 very boring beers. I just hope after only a few drinks that I won't feel any withdrawal. the best thing I can do now, sleep it off (I'm not working today) and flush out my system when I wake up. if it wasn't for SR, I probably would just continue drinking, but the past few weeks of trying to quit, and reading your posts has made me realize, we all make dumb decisions, learn from them. I'll have my nap and tell you about my progress later.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Toronto ON
Posts: 1,180
Well...as far as relapses go...this would seem relatively benign.
I don't think you should beat yourself up about it. It is part of the process and there's no reason why you can't pick up tomorrow right where you left off...but with a stronger commitment to lifelong sobriety!
I don't think you should beat yourself up about it. It is part of the process and there's no reason why you can't pick up tomorrow right where you left off...but with a stronger commitment to lifelong sobriety!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 133
@ tippingpoint, I know it's not a biggie, but I'm a man of principle. I'm not beating myself up about it, but I'm shocked how much control alcohol actually has. I've sat back in my ivory tower for years, able to wax lyrically about Russian writers of the 19th century, the history of the Persian Empire, North Atlantic fishing policies, you name it, I could talk the talk, still can. I've become the stereotypical old man in the pub, knows everything about anything but can't apply it to my own life. For years, I spent evenings having heated debates with others (over drinks), hammering out the finer points of life. Now the booze has taken over, I feel really stupid, and I really mean stupid, I've lost my edge.
LIVING SOBER
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Cent MD
Posts: 104
Well there's nothing we can do for you now!
At least about four beers you had today.
The next time that the compulsion to drink comes over you
Contact someone in recovery!
Come here and cry out for help first.
Alcohol is cunning and baffling.
We must use every weapon at our disposal.
We are in a battle for our life.
We win that battle one day at a time.
At least about four beers you had today.
The next time that the compulsion to drink comes over you
Contact someone in recovery!
Come here and cry out for help first.
Alcohol is cunning and baffling.
We must use every weapon at our disposal.
We are in a battle for our life.
We win that battle one day at a time.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 133
I'm not asking for help Bill, the only one that can help me is me. I don't have a support group, it isn't there. There's a few of us on SR that live in non-English speaking countries, I'm one of them. I wanted to share my experience so others don't fall into the same trap.
LIVING SOBER
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Cent MD
Posts: 104
Originally Posted by look4billw 
Well there's nothing we can do for you now!
At least about four beers you had today.
The next time that the compulsion to drink comes over you
Contact someone in recovery!
Come here and cry out for help first.
Alcohol is cunning and baffling.
We must use every weapon at our disposal.
We are in a battle for our life.
We win that battle one day at a time.
At least about four beers you had today.
The next time that the compulsion to drink comes over you
Contact someone in recovery!
Come here and cry out for help first.
Alcohol is cunning and baffling.
We must use every weapon at our disposal.
We are in a battle for our life.
We win that battle one day at a time.
Originally Posted by pangur
I'm not asking for help Bill, the only one that can help me is me. I don't have a support group, it isn't there. There's a few of us on SR that live in non-English speaking countries, I'm one of them. I wanted to share my experience so others don't fall into the same trap.
Basically the Four Beers that you drank yesterday are water under the bridge.
The next time that the compulsion to drink comes over you
Contact someone in recovery!
Come here and cry out for help first.
We all have a support group, and it is right here on line at SR.
You might not like hearing this, but most of us know how to make excuses for getting drunk, thank you very much.
If you've got something to share about how you're working your way through recovery and getting positive results I'd be interested in hearing that.
The old timers in the program have a saying that I was told early on, take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth.
I'm not here just to make friends. If you're serious about taking your life back, saving your job, and keeping your family, as you said you were two years ago when tried this, you'll get honest with yourself and humbly realize that you don't have the answers, that somebody else might.
Damn, just put some serious sobriety together to spite a known nothing like me.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
Hi Pangur I live in a non-English speaking country and we have English speaking AA here, I don't know if there are non AA resources, I haven't looked for them. I'm not pushing AA specifically, but it is nice if you can find face to face support in some form, so you don't have to do this alone.
Support is so essential to me because when I talk to others they often come up with thoughts and ideas that haven't occurred to me; I view other people as important sources of information, not just for support and friendship.
The subject of recovery is huge: there are so many things to talk about and to learn about. Three weeks is something. Congratulations on that!
As far "weakness": I stopped using that word a long time ago. I heard the work "weak" used in a church I no longer attend. That church also used the word "shame", and told me that I should be ashamed of myself, it told me I would be punished and judged by an angry God who had the power to label me "bad" and who could punish me for being bad. Like I said, I don't go to that church anymore...those are words and concepts not in my vocabulary anymore.
When I wanted a drink, there was an array of things going on: most often it was a powerful desire to flee a situation I saw as unbearable. It could have been that old feeling I had since a rather dysfunctional childhood, when I learned to feel nothing and become numb: it was a strategy for coping. The methods I developed for self-protection, survival and strategies for coping, no matter how unsuccessful they were, especially when it included a drink, were not weakness, but obviously bad choices. That beg for a better solution than a drink.
When I am triggered now by something, I have tools to use that are better solutions.
Support is so essential to me because when I talk to others they often come up with thoughts and ideas that haven't occurred to me; I view other people as important sources of information, not just for support and friendship.
The subject of recovery is huge: there are so many things to talk about and to learn about. Three weeks is something. Congratulations on that!
As far "weakness": I stopped using that word a long time ago. I heard the work "weak" used in a church I no longer attend. That church also used the word "shame", and told me that I should be ashamed of myself, it told me I would be punished and judged by an angry God who had the power to label me "bad" and who could punish me for being bad. Like I said, I don't go to that church anymore...those are words and concepts not in my vocabulary anymore.
When I wanted a drink, there was an array of things going on: most often it was a powerful desire to flee a situation I saw as unbearable. It could have been that old feeling I had since a rather dysfunctional childhood, when I learned to feel nothing and become numb: it was a strategy for coping. The methods I developed for self-protection, survival and strategies for coping, no matter how unsuccessful they were, especially when it included a drink, were not weakness, but obviously bad choices. That beg for a better solution than a drink.
When I am triggered now by something, I have tools to use that are better solutions.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Toronto ON
Posts: 1,180
Originally Posted by pangur
@ tippingpoint, I know it's not a biggie, but I'm a man of principle. I'm not beating myself up about it, but I'm shocked how much control alcohol actually has. I've sat back in my ivory tower for years, able to wax lyrically about Russian writers of the 19th century, the history of the Persian Empire, North Atlantic fishing policies, you name it, I could talk the talk, still can. I've become the stereotypical old man in the pub, knows everything about anything but can't apply it to my own life. For years, I spent evenings having heated debates with others (over drinks), hammering out the finer points of life. Now the booze has taken over, I feel really stupid, and I really mean stupid, I've lost my edge.
Given your appetite for intellect, I think you'd appreciate the AVRT approach to dealing with drinking. There's a pretty good thread on it in the secular section of the threads.
Once it clicks for you it will become plain that your addictive voice has no control at all and that you're completely in charge of your own sobriety.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 133
Thanks everyone, yesterday made me realize a few hard truths. Despite quitting alcohol for a few weeks, I was essentially a "dry drunk", I'm not working on my recovery at all. Moving forward, although AA meetings aren't possible, I do have many other options open to me, including coming to SR when I feel a strong urge to drink, or just want a chat. I spent last night studying the techniques used in SMART, RR and AVRT. I need to put a lot more structure into this, I'm starting to appreciate the difference between not drinking and recovery.
One Foot in Front of the Other
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 582
Originally Posted by pangur
Thanks everyone, yesterday made me realize a few hard truths. Despite quitting alcohol for a few weeks, I was essentially a "dry drunk", I'm not working on my recovery at all. Moving forward, although AA meetings aren't possible, I do have many other options open to me, including coming to SR when I feel a strong urge to drink, or just want a chat. I spent last night studying the techniques used in SMART, RR and AVRT. I need to put a lot more structure into this, I'm starting to appreciate the difference between not drinking and recovery.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Hi pangur. Proud of you for coming here and talking it out. It's so much easier to just keep drinking & shove the bad feelings down. You've learned something valuable through this. In spite of what happened, you sound positive and hopeful. I know you can kick this thing to the curb.
LIVING SOBER
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Cent MD
Posts: 104
Originally Posted by pangur
Thanks everyone, yesterday made me realize a few hard truths. Despite quitting alcohol for a few weeks, I was essentially a "dry drunk", I'm not working on my recovery at all. Moving forward, although AA meetings aren't possible, I do have many other options open to me, including coming to SR when I feel a strong urge to drink, or just want a chat. I spent last night studying the techniques used in SMART, RR and AVRT. I need to put a lot more structure into this, I'm starting to appreciate the difference between not drinking and recovery.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: NC
Posts: 12
Panjur, I just noticed at 11:11pm my time, that you surrendered (Step 1) in this thread when you posted at 11:11pm on 1/11/12 (if you would have done this last year I would really be amazed). I've been experiencing this "11:11 phenomenon" ever since I made my first attempt in recovery more than 5 years ago. I brought it up in a small meeting one time years ago, and said that I thought that it meant Step 1, Step 1, Step 1, etc. I feel like too big of a kook to bring this up at larger meetings. Anyway, a friend in recovery was familiar with this "11:11 phenomenon" and said some believe it is a sign that you are getting ready to be spiritually enlightened. Google it...! I do always seem to glance at the clock when it is 1:11 2:22 3:33, etc., but I see 11:11 twice a day frequently. Sounds kooky, but I'm rolling with it. I'm not sure how a sobriety date on Friday the 13th plays into this, but I'll deal with that tomorrow. Good luck Pangur!
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