The Alcoholic Voice
Choosing Life
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
Thank you, but I'm only finally doing what I should have been doing all along. Putting it all out there is tough but for me, it's part of getting sober and being the wife/mom/friend/person I should have been years ago. There is freedom in confession. It's ugly and it hurts but being able to do it in a place where I know people understand and won't condemn me is very, very freeing. I owe that to all of you and am grateful for the understanding and acceptance here. I could not share all of this anywhere else.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
Congratulations on your time! I can so relate to how you feel: I wanted support from my husband and now, years into recovery, well, it still hasn't come. And my husband drinks, not in an alcoholic way, but he is a heavy drinker through the holidays, summer vacation, weekends, etc.
Yes I can relate to realizing that my husband misses his drinking buddy more than he appreciates the sober wife. He is mostly over that kind of behavior, it was common in the early days of sobriety, but he strayed into the behavior a little on New Year's Eve. Gah!
The best thing you can do for your son is what you are already doing: stay sober. That's all you have to do. I have two boys and they peaked with their teenage/young adult problems when I peaked with my drinking. It was an awful life here in this house: me drunk and potatoed out on the sofa watching DVD's, my kids missing school and addicted to computer games.
Now, I am having a life I could not have imagined in my drinking days. My older son is in college, my younger son working hard on his grades to get there.
Yes I can relate to realizing that my husband misses his drinking buddy more than he appreciates the sober wife. He is mostly over that kind of behavior, it was common in the early days of sobriety, but he strayed into the behavior a little on New Year's Eve. Gah!
The best thing you can do for your son is what you are already doing: stay sober. That's all you have to do. I have two boys and they peaked with their teenage/young adult problems when I peaked with my drinking. It was an awful life here in this house: me drunk and potatoed out on the sofa watching DVD's, my kids missing school and addicted to computer games.
Now, I am having a life I could not have imagined in my drinking days. My older son is in college, my younger son working hard on his grades to get there.
Imperfect being, but trying
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 42
Desertsong,
Stay strong, I know it is hard but it does get better and alcohol will not help. I view it as a poison, like an enemy that wants to take what I have from me. It's not my friend, never helped me, never did a thing for me but take. It tried to take everything and I almost let it. Seen from that view, it does not have power over me.
Fight it tooth and nail, you can do it.
Stay strong, I know it is hard but it does get better and alcohol will not help. I view it as a poison, like an enemy that wants to take what I have from me. It's not my friend, never helped me, never did a thing for me but take. It tried to take everything and I almost let it. Seen from that view, it does not have power over me.
Fight it tooth and nail, you can do it.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1,028
Actually that move is pretty interesting. From S. CA to WY? I'm sure there is a bit of culture shock going on with him. Your sobriety and availability is really important right now regardless of which parent you are.
Be there for the guy and take care of yourself too! Congrats on the 12 days! And bigger congrats for being there for your child.
Be there for the guy and take care of yourself too! Congrats on the 12 days! And bigger congrats for being there for your child.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: london
Posts: 9
I feel i am in the same boat as you...ie...son, hubbie but im at day 13.....with the weekend lurking...(the time i would drink).......hoping that my alcoholic voice stays away but i can hear it louder and louder as we get to friday
Choosing Life
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
Well, I DID NOT DRINK. 
It was a torturous evening but I got through it. Now I can almost laugh about it because in the midst of all the turmoil last night I found myself staring at the wall and was reminded of the movie "Airplane" where the guy says, "Well, I guess I picked a bad time to stop drinking/sniffing glue, etc." That's where I was last night.
What I finally realized is that this is LIFE and now I'm trying to do it sober instead of drunk. It ain't easy, but it's worth it. If I would have had a drink last night, it would have turned into 10+, and then I wouldn't have been there for my son when he needed me, and when my husband got home from the bar he would have been confronted with my drunken abuse and rage all over again. Then this morning would have been hell .... the hangover, everybody mad at me ... been there, done that WAY too many times. No thanks.
We all made up this morning and things look a little brighter. Learning to accept life on life's terms is proving to be challenging, but it is far better than drinking my way through it. A buddy at AA today shared a nugget of wisdom with me that really made sense: "If things are bad, it will pass. If things are good, it will pass. That's life. The only thing that matters is doing it sober."
It was a torturous evening but I got through it. Now I can almost laugh about it because in the midst of all the turmoil last night I found myself staring at the wall and was reminded of the movie "Airplane" where the guy says, "Well, I guess I picked a bad time to stop drinking/sniffing glue, etc." That's where I was last night. What I finally realized is that this is LIFE and now I'm trying to do it sober instead of drunk. It ain't easy, but it's worth it. If I would have had a drink last night, it would have turned into 10+, and then I wouldn't have been there for my son when he needed me, and when my husband got home from the bar he would have been confronted with my drunken abuse and rage all over again. Then this morning would have been hell .... the hangover, everybody mad at me ... been there, done that WAY too many times. No thanks.
We all made up this morning and things look a little brighter. Learning to accept life on life's terms is proving to be challenging, but it is far better than drinking my way through it. A buddy at AA today shared a nugget of wisdom with me that really made sense: "If things are bad, it will pass. If things are good, it will pass. That's life. The only thing that matters is doing it sober."
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Spinning happily in my hula hoop
Posts: 2,618
desertsong, stay strong ... So sorry you are having a tough nite. You have done great 12 days sober!! Even though you are having a tough time right now, take comfort in your 12 day accomplishment and keep on going
... So sorry you are having a tough nite. You have done great 12 days sober!! Even though you are having a tough time right now, take comfort in your 12 day accomplishment and keep on going SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Good for you, desertsong! I can really relate to the situation. It's just not easy being a parent, much less a newly sober one! How wonderful, though, that you chose to grow from this experience, instead of running from the emotions like we all tend to do. 
I've felt so much closer to my children (and myself) since I got sober. It does take some time to get used to the feelings and doing things sober, though, so be patient with yourself as well.
I've felt so much closer to my children (and myself) since I got sober. It does take some time to get used to the feelings and doing things sober, though, so be patient with yourself as well.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Austin, Texas
Posts: 133
Originally Posted by desertsong 
My "alcoholic voice" is screaming at me right now. Long story short ... 16 year old son came home from school today in deep depression. We moved to a small resort town in Wyoming from San Diego a year ago and my son has still not adjusted to the drastic change in lifestyle. Lots of typical teenaged angst along with some real issues that need addressing. Son came home, shared his heart, and it was so sad. I get where he is coming from although I also think we have coddled him too much throughout his life and he is just now coming to grips with the "real world" and isn't liking it a whole lot ... my husband (an active alcoholic) just got p*ssed off and basically told my son he was ungrateful and that he was "leaving." We all know what that means around here ... he is going to the bar. It's been 3 hours and hubby is still at the bar while I, an alcoholic only 12 days into sobriety, is left to deal with the wreckage and to try to keep our son sane and give him hope that his life will get better.
I know I can't change my husband or "force" him into sobriety ... like any alcoholic, he will look for any excuse to drink, and this was it ... but I'm so angry that he would leave me, a newly recovering alcoholic, to deal with all of this drama alone when my sobriety is still so fragile right now. He claims to be totally supportive of me getting sober (I was a horrible, abusive drunk, and he was the recipient of most of my abuse) but as a newly sober alcoholic, the last thing I need is an "excuse" to grab that first drink in order to cope with what is going on around me. At AA today, our topic was "the first drink" and what it does to us. My alcoholic brain is telling me that it is okay to go ahead and drink because "he made me do it," while the rational voice of sobriety is saying, "The choice is yours and doesn't matter what he does .... if you take a drink, you are gone." And yet there is that other voice that says "I'll show you!" by "allowing" me to drink because of his behavior is really tweaking my brain right now.
I won't drink ... I know that ... I've come too far. But geez ... there is a battle going on in my brain and I can only hope and pray that I have the strength to defeat it. Gaaaah ....
I know I can't change my husband or "force" him into sobriety ... like any alcoholic, he will look for any excuse to drink, and this was it ... but I'm so angry that he would leave me, a newly recovering alcoholic, to deal with all of this drama alone when my sobriety is still so fragile right now. He claims to be totally supportive of me getting sober (I was a horrible, abusive drunk, and he was the recipient of most of my abuse) but as a newly sober alcoholic, the last thing I need is an "excuse" to grab that first drink in order to cope with what is going on around me. At AA today, our topic was "the first drink" and what it does to us. My alcoholic brain is telling me that it is okay to go ahead and drink because "he made me do it," while the rational voice of sobriety is saying, "The choice is yours and doesn't matter what he does .... if you take a drink, you are gone." And yet there is that other voice that says "I'll show you!" by "allowing" me to drink because of his behavior is really tweaking my brain right now.
I won't drink ... I know that ... I've come too far. But geez ... there is a battle going on in my brain and I can only hope and pray that I have the strength to defeat it. Gaaaah ....
If you let your habit conquer you, then you lose and you may fall deeper the second time around (like falling in love the second time around they say is sweeter)
But if you stay on your commitment to STOP, then hang on it and stay.
dopeless hope fiend
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Here. Now.
Posts: 1,021
i had to say out loud to my addict voice "you're a liar!" I still do sometimes. my addict will tell me all sorts of outrageous nonsense, but it's not me, and i don't have to act on it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Philly PA
Posts: 814
Your sobriety and availability is really important right now regardless of which parent you are.
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