headstrong

So I stumbled upon this site this morning and decided to jump in with both feet. 2011 was possibly one of the worst years of my life and I don't want to repeat it in 2012. There are many firsts in 2011, many of which I would rather not admit to.

- First Daughter.
- First time arrested.
- First time in jail.
- First time hiring a defense attorney.
- First and second restraining order.
- First time ever considering suicide.
- First time at county mental health.
- First time not knowing where I would call home the next day.
- First time seeing a psychiatrist.
- First time seeing an AODA counselor.
- First experience with Antabuse.
- First time attending an anger management class.

Just to name a few. All because of alcohol. My last drink was two days ago while on Antabuse. Something happened last night to make me say enough is enough. I am looking for a local AA meeting to go to now and then I found this board which offered some encouragement reading stories posted by others. It has been two months since I have seen my daughter or (ex)fiance. I am still trying to get my things out of the house and get some sort of visitation. The restraining order makes it hard to communicate. It has to be done via lawyers now and that is even met with silence. Anyhwho, I just wanted to make my introduction. Here's to 2012.

GirlFromCO

Welcome to SR, headstrong. With some work you can make 2012 a year of better "firsts."

HenryKrinkle

Welcome headstrong. You definitely made the right choice. Don't be a stranger. Reading and posting here has helped me a ton. Just being able to say out loud (even if it is a message board) what I am feeling has been so great for me. I hope it is for you too.

Opivotal

Welcome headstrong!! One of the best rewards of being sober is being able to "fix" not only ourselves, but the mistakes we've made. I know I had plenty of "firsts" myself. I never have to go there again as long as I stay away from alcohol. You've found a very supportive community here at SR.



Best Wishes To You!

CRAZE

Welcome!
Let 2012 be your year of recovery.

artsoul

Welcome headstrong -

Sorry you've been through so much, but glad you found us. Things got a lot better in my life when I left alcohol behind. Keep reading and posting!

quitforme79

Welcome headstrong you'll find a lot of support here

Jitterbugg

Hi Headstrong,
I can definitely relate. My year of shame was 2008. I was arrested for domestic violence, spent a night in jail, ordered to stay away, had no where to go, had to hire a lawyer...etc. The charges were dropped as the physical part of the dispute was an inadvertent bump while in a screaming match. My GF called the police to simply have me removed, but the cops kinda needled her for details and had her admit there was physical contact. They then asked her to come to the station to give a video statement and to give a statement in court which she refused to do. Here in Canada, the police handle 'domestic violence' differently, whereas, the police press charges, not the 'victim'. So even though my GF didnt want to press charges for anything, the police are required to if it involves domestic violence. It was a nightmare. The case was throw out, but it was a wakeup call for sure.

This too will pass...

headstrong

Thanks for the words of encouragement. I made one mistake in my first post, my daughter was not due to alcohol and the only positive on that list. I didn't mean for her to sound like a negative.

I have been leery about AA. I am agnostic at best and can't fully commit to the 12 steps. I'm fairly certain I can't get past step #3. I have heard of agnostic groups, but they seem to be hard to find, locally at least. I know I need more than the AODA counselor that I am currently seeing. I don't seem to be getting very far with her.

Three months is about as far as I can make it on my own, historically anyway. I made it all summer before starting again. I was given the ultimatum that if I drank again, my fiance was gone with our daughter. She kept to her word. I made a deal with the DA that included anger management class, which I never needed but that is what was offered. I didn't have a anger management problem, but an alcohol problem. The DA didn't seem to care. So my last class is next week. My last court date for that ordeal is at the end of the month. I am typically thick headed about things but know that what I have been doing will only lead to bad things.

WantToHeal

Hear, hear! I am making 2012 my year of rebirth, and I know many others on here are doing the same. Please join us. Together we can do it!

Dee74

Welcome to SR headstrong

There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

D

desertsong

Welcome, headstrong. You're not alone. I've had many "years of shame," most notably 2009, when I went through the same thing you did with the domestic violence thing. Got trashed, picked a fight with my husband, took a swing at him, and then called the police and told them that HE attacked ME (I don't even remember the whole thing). I spent the night in jail, and long story short, there were never any charges filed but that was the beginning of my wake-up call. Took another 18 months of repeated humiliations and two relapses before I made it where I am now.

It's good that you are here and good that you want a new life for yourself. You will get there. We can help. Glad to have you here.

ReadyAndAble

Welcome to SR!

I'm agnostic (at least most of the time I think I'm agnostic; lol, I can't even commit to that!) and I'm not in AA. There are many paths to recovery.

Congratulations on your daughter... and on taking a great first step toward reclaiming your freedom, confidence, and peace of mind. It sounds like you could use some support, and you'll certainly find a lot of that here. SR has also given me a lot of insights and ideas, things that helped me create a sort of mental toolbox to get me through good times and bad.

Really glad you found us, headstrong.

LoftyIdeals

Welcome, headstrong. I'm sure there are quite a few here, including myself, that can totally relate to your name.

Glad you found SR, it can make a world of difference when added to your efforts.

Hevyn

Headstrong - I'm sorry for all the pain you've been through. I had a similar list when I quit after a lifetime of drinking. It was very difficult to face the huge pile of wreckage I'd made, but I knew I wasn't going to let my life end in defeat. You won't either. You can begin again and have a new life, one filled with hope and joy. The bad times can fade into the background and eventually be forgotten as you move forward.

We're glad to have you as part of our community - this is a wonderful place that pulled me out of the hole I'd dug. I hope you'll share more of your story with us. You can do this, headstrong. We're here to listen and help.

headstrong

Sitting here at work staring at a half barrel of beer. We have a kegerator in the break room. It has gotten me in trouble in the past. A co-worker just got up and grabbed a glass. It is a small company. The rest of the office knows that I have issues, but not to this extent.

I plan on attending my first AA meeting tonight. Fingers crossed I can find the place. There seems to be several meetings at the same place throughout the week. This is the only one at 6pm instead of 7pm during the week that is close to work. I finish at 5pm.

I felt so good this morning. At least some of the fog is starting to clear. The Antabuse is keeping me from grabbing a beer right now. I know it would only lead to bad things.

ulverston

if you drink while taking antabuse..it can kill you.
dont even think of drinking on that stuff

jocata

Glad you're here headstrong. Things can go bad pretty quick when we are stuck in our addictions. I've done plenty of shameful stuff in the past too. But we can turn our lives around if we really, really want to. Takes lots of hard work and determination, but it is worth it.

I was an atheist before I started AA and thought I wouldn't get past steps 2 or 3 either, but I now have a God of my understanding that has done wonders in my life. You just have to have an open mind and a little bit of willingness.

You will find other techniques that people use on this site as well. AA doesn't have a monopoly on sobriety.

You will find your way.

God bless.

headstrong

So AA was okay. Somewhat cult like, but I went in with an open mind. My only intentions were to go in and listen. I didn't even raise my hand when they asked if any first timers were present. All was fine until they broke off into smaller groups. I then felt obligated to say something. I kept it short and simple, but it was nice to hear others talk about the topic of the day, which was perseverance. There is another meeting tomorrow that I could make and I am thinking about one closer to home on Sunday morning.

headstrong

Still going strong. Yesterday was day 30 for me. I'm attending 3 AA meetings a week and feel good about going. I enjoy talking and meeting the different people that are there.

I hit a brick wall last week. I went to what I thought was going to be the final court hearing last week. When I showed up, I found out that I had a warrant out for my arrest for breaking the restraining order. I went to get my car after I was served. I had no other option. I needed to get to work and I needed some clothes. She wasn't home, so it was no big deal. Two months later she reported this. I wanted to drink so bad last week. I went to an AA meeting on my way home from work and said I was there because I was fighting the urge to drink with every fiber in my body. After the meeting a couple of old timers sat down with me and talked for another 30 minutes. I felt better. I made it through the week and hit 30 days, which I am proud of doing.

Anyway, thanks for listening. I come here often and mostly lurk. I thought I would post an update.