FLA

It's almost 12:30am here. Normally walks don't help and movies and shows like that make my thoughts crazy and make my anxiety worse, although you're not the first person who has mention that same exact thing lol.. Just ate not long ago. This new condo is also giving me anxiety such a big change and the fact that I pretty much lost my job today and can't pay for it is also adding to the pot. I do have the clonzapan my doc gave me today but I think that will make everything much worse since Xanax made it worse. My options are pretty much limited just sitting on the couch stuck in my head, not a good feeling(s). Only thing that helps is booze as far as I know.. And obviously I can't do that anymore. Man is it tempting tho, especially feeling as crappy as I do.

Jsbodhi

Yikes! I totally understand why you have anxiety!

Do you have any hobbies? Like writing or drawing?

Also another thing that helps me -is to go through every post in the newcomers and alcoholism sections on this site and reply to everyone- just give a friendly supportive word, or how you can relate etc.
It helps to take me out of my own head, help someone, and realize that I'm not alone in this

Jsbodhi

I know it doesn't feel like it- but you're gonna be ok.
You got this- even if you can't see it right now.
You're clearly clever, fun and you seem really nice.
You'll be fine xo

FLA

Thanks! I guess I'm just gonna have to be miserable. It really sucks. Badly. But now knowing alcohol makes my anxiety ten times worse I don't even consider it as a option as I use to. So now my only option is to do as the doc says. It's going to be a longer process but I don't really have a option. What's your opinion on the bar I am opening? I have a partner in it so I can't really back out and the fact that I am no longer able to stay at my current job I need income from somewhere. Do you think it's a bad idea? I don't consider my self addicted to alcohol but having a bar that I own could possibly continue my habit. At the same time tho I have bills and this has been in the process for months now so I can't just back out, lots of money and one invested. What a mess my situation is!

Jsbodhi

Jeez! That's a tough one! I really don't know!!

What are your options with the bar?

FLA

I mean I could back out and loose a lot of money and time also making my partner loose a lot of money and time and cancel lease in middle of the remodel but I feel like that's a bit extreme. I definitely need to be hands on for at least 6 months but maybe after that I can be a owner absentee. I'm hoping that Zoloft stops the anxiety and let's me think clearly, if that's the case I think I can quit drinking without a problem I'll see it as money instead of fun. But then again after my past experiences and a lot of others in recovery it's always possible to start up again and ending up right where I am now in a year. It's all very annoying and stressful and With this stuff going on now I wish I didn't have to deal with it.

Endeavor

This kind of wisdom, only comes from experience OP. Read it a few times, think about it and then read it again.

There is a numbing effect to all of this, which I think ultimately leads to not giving a total funk and then worse. I am working on factoring this all in myself, but there are a lot of people here who's experiences helped them rise to their feet. We both may learn something before falling down a hole and would be wise to consider we are chatting here for a reason right?

FLA

Correct. I just don't know what life would be without going out, it's my "hobby" per say. The anxiety is what's keeping me from drinking. If I had no anxiety I would probably continue on the same path. I obviously am seeing the signs and is exactly why I've had enough with the booze, it's not helping and it's not making me money so why partake? plus hangover have gotten HORRIBLE over the past couple years like I can't move in the mornings so I waste a entire day in bed nursing a hangover just to do it again in a day or two, that's no way to live. I can't even remember any "fun" times I have had the past 6months from drinking. Going to the bar is basically the same meaningless conversations with people who don't mean anything.

Dee74

It's hard to advise you when you rock up here, already having put money and time into the venture, and with an opening date imminent FLA.

My advice 12 months, or even 6 months ago - had you asked - would have been no way - pull out, retreat, and back off.

It's not going to be much good for you, your family or your partner if you continue to be an active alcoholic.

The only way this is going to work out for everyone involved is if you become, and stay, a non drinker.

Only you know how viable that is.

D

FLA

Keep in mind 6 months ago I had a great job and did not have debilitating anxiety.. It all seemed great then, obviously had I known this would happen id have stopped it all.. I literally can't drink now because of the meds I'm starting to take, hopefully they do me some good and I don't drink again! I'll look into backing out but I do need some income that's the tough part I have no plan b..

Dee74

Sure, as long as you keep in mind you started this thread 4 years ago

I'm not trying to grind your gears, just trying to share what I know - if it's a commitment you can't renege on, you're going to have to work as hard on your recovery as you do on your new business if you want both to succeed .

D