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No Smoking Or Drinking For 7 Days Partially Because I'm Alone. Awful Dilemma.


No Smoking Or Drinking For 7 Days Partially Because I'm Alone. Awful Dilemma.

Old 01-08-2012, 11:55 PM
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No Smoking Or Drinking For 7 Days Partially Because I'm Alone. Awful Dilemma.

I'm 22 and have been smoking for 5 years. This is weird, I got sick a week ago (unrelated to smoking or drinking) and have lost the urge to smoke cigarettes, smoke marijuana and drink alcohol. I don't really have the desire to any of those things. The thing is, I'm a very sad socially awkward lonely person and the few times I do go out with people I end up smoking or drinking because people around me do it. Do I just live the rest of my life as a sad hermit away from people? I'm so angry at myself because I have it so much easier than most people, I can just stop right now forever but at some point I'll convince myself I can do it in moderation or AH ITS ONLY ONE TIME!

I don't have much self control, unfortunately. One is good? A THOUSAND IS BETTER! I have an addictive personality, it's in my genes. It isn't for any one specific thing either, I used to abuse alcohol, but that settled down when I found other things to abuse and it just keeps going like that. It doesn't help that the very few people I know enable that behavior because they're like me. I'm really sad and lonely as it is though. Losing these social tools makes meeting people even harder.

What do I do? I stopped, I don't have the desire, but it feels like it'll happen again. Help?

The part that really gets me is after I moved my addiction of alcohol onto something else I was able to drink in moderation totally fine, but if I let go of those other addictions I know I'd go back to abusing drinking. When I used to do that I made horrible decisions that I get scared just thinking about right now, so it's probably best I quit everything. It's frustrating because I still believe smoking marijuana is totally fine, but I smoked it every day and my memory was shot and I need my memory to succeed in school. I'm kind of rambling now.

The biggest thing right now is life feels so boring. I can't have a smoke inbetween classes when I have nothing else to do. I can't light up a joint at 3am when I have nothing better to do. I can't grab a beer when I'm watching the game with my friends. I don't feel like myself anymore, I don't even feel totally human. Typing those last couple sentences sucked because I'm almost talking myself into giving up.

Day 8 is about to begin. I'm starting to feel really really empty on the inside. I have a problem with food and other non-substance things and I'm starting to look to those things. There's nothing I won't turn into an addiction. I think I'm addicted to being addicted. I feel like Im in hell.
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Old 01-09-2012, 12:02 AM
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Welcome DazedAnd

I used to lose the urge when I got sick sometimes too - but it always came back.
I think you'd be on a good bet to expect your drive might come back too.

There wasn't much I wasn't addicted to either.
I couldn't really picture myself not addicted to anything, yet living a full and happy life.

The good news though - is I'm doing it

It took a lot of work - and a lot of changes - but it was worth it.
I rediscovered an older version of me, a more genuine version.

Support was important in that process - and...if you decide to let go of your addictions too...you'll find a lot of that here.

No one does this alone IMO...but you're amongst friends here and in a great place to start

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Old 01-09-2012, 12:29 AM
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Thanks, buddy. I've pretty much decided I'm going to make an honest effort of giving up my addictions. The first one I gave up, not too long ago, was food and I found myself making a habit out of not eating - which just made me depressed knowing no matter which way I go I'll be hooked.

I do feel some of the urges coming back, I gave some of my weed stash away today and I was just second away from lighting up. I'm starting to get healthy again and school starts again soon and I've never had a day in college where I didn't smoke at least one cigarette, I can see myself lighting that up too.

It's hard getting support. The couple people I do know don't believe in me (neither do I in myself, I've failed at sobriety before). I can't meet people as it is, but to meet people and not be lonely at this stage is just impossible.
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Old 01-09-2012, 01:53 AM
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Sobriety is an ongoing battle, as long as you are trying you aren't failing. Welcome aboard Dazed
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Old 01-10-2012, 02:45 AM
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Thank you, TallWater, I appreciate it

I'll say one thing, the recovery community in general is really cool. One of my favorite comedians who's sober now actually responded to my email and gave me some encouragement

Every day is so up and down, I feel so bipolar looking back at what I feel like Im going through daily.
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Old 01-10-2012, 03:21 AM
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Your university health service will have some sort of counseling on offer. I would take advantage of that. Free help; what's not to like? You might get referred somewhere, or get a chemical dependency evaluation which could be illuminating.

Universities generally try to hire really top professionals in these areas, because it is such a huge responsibility, so the advice you get will be well thought out and 'state of the art'. And confidential.
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