mandosca

I guess part of me just wanted to be able to come on and say "Yaay.. I've made it 9 days!!".. I love my husband to pieces and I know he cares but he's just not a talker and though I think he realizes how much of a problem I have and how hard this has been, all I've gotten from him is one text saying "good job baby!" Kind of upsets me that he doesn't seem to care more but oh well. Maybe I wanted to came on knowing you guys would understand what an accomplishment it is.

I was also curious how people dealt with socializing after quitting. My best friend of 16 years and I are overdue to hang out and Im feeling a little stressed about what were going to do w/o drinks! Probably sounds silly to someone w/o a problem but im sure you guys will understand.. as I said she's been my bf since 8th grade so obviously our relationship hasn't been based on drinking but def for the last five years when we hang out its either drinks at my house, shopping and the bar, eating and drinks or big parties once in a while with LOTS of drinking! Lol

My bf does not have a drinking problem, and I know alot of people say you should eliminate people that you drink with from ur life to make to make it easier but that's not an option for sure. I know she would be just as happy doing something w/o drinking but I feel like I wont have enough to say or wont be able to socialize like we use to.. maybe it is silly, idk. Anyone have any advice, personal experiences or ideas for me?

Thanks as always!

camedown

One of the funnest parts of my recovery has been the development of "new" relationships with peoploe you have known for ages. Since I was always on the drink, it was the only way I knew them, but in sobriety, I am finding new ways to connect with people and deeper levels to love and appreciate them on. Have fun with it and enjoy.


camedown

IndaMiricale

Awesome on your 9 days and keep it up

Well maybe think of just doing something like a movie takes away the uneasiness of talking right away and definatly takes away the drinking part . Then you have plenty to talk about after while you sippin on some java .

Just a idea

Good love, Inda

KarrieJay

Gosh, I have just really seen myself in your post.

I used to spend an insane amount of time worrying about how other people would react to my non-drinking, and how it would affect my relationship with them. In fact, if I'm honest, concerns of that kind are one of the things kept me drinking. I used to really worry that I'd be dull without a drink inside me. It's all rubbish.

The first thing you need to realise is that you not drinking is only a big deal for you; other people don't care whether you drink or not unless they are alcoholic themselves, and your friend will be no different. As to what you should do together.......just do the kind of stuff you've always done together, minus the alcohol. Go shopping, have lunch/dinner, see a movie. I'm leading exactly the same social life now as I was when I was drinking; I still go to bars, restaurants and parties - I just don't drink alcohol at them.

And as to worries about not "having enough to say".......you'll have plenty to say. You'll be thinking much more clearly than you were when you were drinking. Conversation will come easy.

Good luck and stop worrying. Remember, this is about YOU. What other people might think of your choices is neither here nor there.

dawnrunner

As far as your husband not talking very much about your sobriety, I think he may be doing the right thing. It is your process and he is letting you live it on your terms.

When I had my come-to-Jesus moment about drinking and went to treatment several years ago, my then-husband was all support, insanely so. He totally invested himself in AlAnon meetings, he made friends with the spouses of the married people in my treatment group and invited them out for coffee, he was in my face with congratulations all day long. It drove me crazy. He talked about it, he sent me congratulatory emails, he ordered books, he read obsessively on the internet, he became an overnight recovery expert and gave me lots of extra advice.

He was an over-eater and constantly compared his eating to drinking: "I know exactly how you feel! I love pizza just like that!"

I can tell you that this level of enthusiasm was very disturbing to me, and I just wanted him to shut up sometimes. Maybe that sounds uncharitable. But having a spouse who becomes your sobriety cheerleader can be nerve-wracking.