Innerchild

For years, on and off I used alcohol to numb the emotional pain I felt. Since last June, I was drinking almost every day and ended up in the crisis units of hospitals quite a few times after being so drunk I felt like killing myself.

The Friday before Christmas my boyfriend called the cops on me after I blacked out txted him I wanted to kill myself. I was admitted for four days and monitored every hour to make sure I wasnt withdrawing from alcohol. Thank God I wasnt physically addicted to it. I was there over Christmas and the Tues. after I was discharged then that same day admitted myself into another psych unit after some other bad things happened that same day.

I was there for a week. I was put on Celexa for depression and Buspar for anxiety. I refused anti depressants for years but I was so depressed and so tired of using alcohol to self medicate. It wasnt a great experience but I needed to go through being admitted into a psych unit to get away from alcohol and to turn my life around.

I was discharged after a week last Tues. I havent drank in over two weeks and I don't have any desire at the moment because I am level headed, not being verbally abusive, I dont wake up with awful hangovers, and not doing stupid impulsive things.
I tell myself I CANT drink not even one. I was drinking so much and I am lad its out of my life for right now. I know the urge to drink will hit again but I have to fight to keep away from it. Alcohol is poison and nothing good comes out of it. It really was screwing up my life.

Vigo

You're right -- for us addicts, it IS poison. As my sobriety time continues to add up, I have a harder time understanding WHY people continue to drink (physical addictions notwithstanding). It seems like all it does is destroy. Thankfully I am out of the game.

Fubarcdn

Good luck.
Stay strong and as always stay positive.

Anna

I wouldn't have been able to get sober without getting my life-long depression properly treated. Before that, I honestly didn't care enough to put in the work involved. I'm glad you're feeling better now and working on your recovery.

sugarbear1

Ok, so what's your plan?

I am happy for you as you now have a chance for a new beginning!

raindancer11

Good to see you, Innerchild. You've been through a lot. Glad you're back on SR and posting.

Ghostlight

Best to you, and congratulations on your sober time.

I, too, would have never been able to get sober without treatment for bipolar disorder.

It's been two years since my last drink now and you can do it, too.

Keep at it, it will only get better.

Dee74

Welcome back Innerchild

I'm sorry you had to go through all that, but I hope it can be a turning point for you

D

CaiHong

Hi Innerchild

and welcome back. Hold those thoughts close to you. Alcohol certainly contributes to depression and anxiety if not actually causing it in many cases.

Keep posting and stay close.

CaiHiong

Innerchild

Thanks guys. I dont regret the time I spent in the psych wards over the past few weeks. I have ended up in the crisis unit so many times after medicating my depression with alcohol I just had to get away from it and get stabilized. Havent drank in over two weeks and I have not had any cravings as of yet but I know I will start craving it at some point. I am going to an AA meeting tonight. I need to find support and seek that support instead of drinking. Grateful to be away from alcohol nothing good comes out of it just makes things 100 times worse.