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Old 01-07-2012, 01:25 AM   #1 (permalink)
Vanilla28's Avatar

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Who am i rebeling against?!

....sometimes i feel like im wasting everyones time here. i come here, talk about how ****** i feel, then talk about how great i feel, them come back here again like now, and talk about how ****** i feel because i gave in again.

in the ten days since i quit drinking again, i was eating good, and since my last post about my headaches i havent been smoking, and actually feeling good about myself.... then today, i dont know what happened, i woke up feeling so much hatred and lack of self worth for myself. kinda like 'who do you think you are?" kinda thing.

i just pigged out all day on crappy food, smoked like crazy, and had some drinks. i let my negetive thoughts consume me, and gave in to them.

because of how ****** i feel right now, i KNOW and feel in my heart i will be better tomorrow, and try harder..... and i know you all dont know me personally, but i feel like because i constantly come here with my 'cycles' that im a broken record and keep constantly letting the SR community down, like i shouldnt post here anymore.

i dunno.
You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
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Old 01-07-2012, 01:39 AM   #2 (permalink)
Striving to be a better Man!
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Just keep trying!! We have all been where you are. Forgive yourself, try to learn from it and try again.
Help someone up the hill, and you'll get to the top yourself."
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Old 01-07-2012, 01:42 AM   #3 (permalink)
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I know exactly how you feel. I too seem to be trapped in cycles - periods of recovery followed by a collapse of confidence, drinking binges and disturbing consequences. You are not the only one. Really, it's OK to have you here because you help people like me realise that I am not alone in this addiction. Of course we know we want to break it and we want to recover but it's not going to happen unless we seek help and support. That's why I'm here at least. You haven't wasted my time by reminding me of that.
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Old 01-07-2012, 01:44 AM   #4 (permalink)
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You're not letting anyone down here Vanilla - we;ve all been there.
You might just be letting yourself down tho?

Maybe it's time to look at what you've been doing to keep sober and think - really think - about what it's flaws are.

What are some other things you can do to add to your programme?

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Old 01-07-2012, 03:16 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Keep coming back as often as you want and re read your posts. I just sent a prayer your way. I am newly sober. This isn't easy but your life currently is harder. Keep trying. Pray.
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Old 01-07-2012, 07:10 AM   #6 (permalink)
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If you want to get sober, then you need to do something different than you are currently doing cuz it ain't working. So what's the plan?
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Old 01-07-2012, 08:31 AM   #7 (permalink)
One Foot in Front of the Other
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What is your support network like? Posting here is a good start. Have you looked into the AA/NA fellowship, or counseling/therapy? Have you spoken with your doctor?

Keep fighting the good fight!

Oh, and keep reading and re-reading the quote in your signature. Maybe there are others that can be inspirational to you as well.
Liberated 10/3/2012
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Old 01-07-2012, 09:43 AM   #8 (permalink)
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yes, change your cycle.........you have that power!
Someday it will all make sense, so laugh at confusion, smile through tears,
& remind yourself it All happens for a reason.

All Big Book quotes are from the 1st edition.
Linked with the permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Sober since May 16, 2011
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