seanmichael

I can relate to your problems man. We're both the same age (July 88 for me) and im just starting to get my life back together. I was also kicked out when I was 19 lucky for me tho i had a brother who let me stay with him until i got some money. I couldn't tell you exactly what it was in me that finally cracked and decided i needed to quit but since its happened i'm almost astonished at what i can do. Do you know how many hours there are in a day? You sound a lot like me and if that's the case your prob pretty depressed over your situation right now, and i can tell you that if you could stop drinking a month is a lot of time to get another job and at least get a little bit of money saved up. The thing is when your drinking, drinking is all you want to be doing. When your sober you really do get a rush of productivity thats been laying dormant inside your body because of the booze. I realized that what i needed more than rehab, more than 12 steps, more than god, the one thing that really gave me a push to get this started was talking to somebody about it. So whether or not you believe in God, I can tell you with absolute certainty that an aa meeting will have other human beings who have went through the same things your going through and who will be MORE than happy to help you through it. Good luck man, we're all in this thing together.

Threshold

Tony, Sorry I came across as harsh. But if you look at your posts I truly believe you DO see things you can do to help yourself. You can go to rehab, you can talk to your mom, you can find a recovery program...doesn't have to be AA. You mentioned those things as possibilities, then also shot them down. The truth is they ARE possibilities and there is a very good chance they can help you stay off the booze slide.

I do believe that your reasons to not make use of them, are far outweighed by your reasons to give them an honest shot.

I understand the shame and fear of admitting just how deeply mired in our addiction we are. I really do understand. But it's crazy thinking to let shame keep us from doing what we can to shed the shame and regain our self respect.

Here is a weird little analogy that might help you see where I am coming from. Imagine that one afternoon someone says "dude, your fly is open" and you look down and sure enough. Ugh.

You realize that it must have been that way ALL DAY. It was that way when you went to get breakfast, had a job interview, talked up that cute chick on the bus, did your shopping, etc. All those people saw your fly open. You feel ashamed. You're at the mall when this guy alerts you to the situation. Now, all these people already saw your open fly. Are you going to let shame keep you from zipping up, right here and now...or are you going to be too ashamed to acknowledge the open fly and walk around that way until you get into private?

When we are in active addiction, everyone around us sees our fly is open. One day we finally admit and acknowledge it's hanging open. We can let shame keep us from doing anything about it, lest someone notice. Or we can zip up.

In my recovery program there is a saying "you can save your ass, or save your face" I'd rather look like a fool now, so I can live with self respect later.

Fandy

Hi Tony;

I do understand that you feel ashamed and overwhelmed, but your problems are not going to magically disappear. sometimes just starting to ask for help is the biggest hurdle. but in doing so you might also start to get relief and less anxiety. you have only about 3 weeks left in the month of January.