Grrrrr! - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Go Back   SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information >
Register Blogs FAQ Members List Calendar Arcade Mark Forums Read

LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 01-06-2012, 09:02 PM   #1 (permalink)
Choosing Life
desertsong's Avatar

Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435


Well, I'm almost a week sober and although the physical detox went well, the emotional detox is starting and it's not fun. Out of the blue, for no apparent reason tonight, I just got completely ticked off. Ticked off that I can't drink like "normies," ticked off at alcohol for being so seductive and deceitful in my life, ticked off that the paint is peeling in my garage .... you name it. I knew anger would be part of the process but I didn't expect THIS. I'm mad at myself, mad at the weather, and just plain mad! And that ugly alcoholic voice keeps saying, "Well, all you need is a drink and you won't be mad anymore." UGH!!

Today at AA we talked about "insanity vs. sanity," i.e. what was insane about the way you used to live and what is "sane" about the way you live now that you're sober. I'm still early in this process so I think I have more insanity than sanity at this point, but today I did gain enough sanity to realize that alcohol had more of a hold on me than I ever thought it did ... that it was a demon that wanted to drag me down into hell. And it doesn't give up, either. It is relentless, it is deceitful, and it is PATIENT. Someone in AA today said that they were sober for 11 years and then relapsed. Alcohol will wait forever to take you back ... and at the "right" moment, it will slither on in and grab you once again. I think that's where the anger started for me today. Maybe that's a constructive anger, I don't know. So I called my sponsor, and thankfully, she told me I was "normal", then suggested I sit down and write out the consequences of my last five drunks in these categories: spiritual, emotional, family/relationships, physical, legal, and kids. I wrote for an hour and when I read what I wrote afterwards, I was disgusted and even more ticked off! Alcohol took so much of my life from me, so I guess my anger toward it is justified and perhaps even healthy. But the anger at the other stuff? Where does that come from? Why am I so mad that there are mice in my garage and that my trash bag ripped when the box it came in said it wouldn't? Again .... UGH!!!
desertsong is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to desertsong For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (01-06-2012), Fallow (01-07-2012), MemphisBlues (01-06-2012), MentalLoop (01-07-2012), MsJax (01-06-2012), Sapling (01-07-2012), Scolova (01-06-2012)
Old 01-06-2012, 09:07 PM   #2 (permalink)
Dee74's Avatar

Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 179,218
Blog Entries: 1
I always think, when I was drinking I built a dam...everytime I felt a strong emotion I drank it away, and walled it up behind my dam...

then the dam was gone. I had to get used to feeling again...

The 'water' will rage a little for a while, and will likely crash from pole to pole - but you will find your emotional 'level' soon enough, desertsong

Dee74 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Dee74 For This Useful Post:
blackstrat6 (01-07-2012), bostonluv (01-07-2012), LiveLikeGold6 (01-06-2012)
Old 01-06-2012, 09:07 PM   #3 (permalink)
sugarbear1's Avatar

Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,179

aa speakers

then take a listen. Dr. Paul O. is one, Bea M., many are available!

You can stay stopped!
Someday it will all make sense, so laugh at confusion, smile through tears,
& remind yourself it All happens for a reason.

All Big Book quotes are from the 1st edition.
Linked with the permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Sober since May 16, 2011
sugarbear1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-06-2012, 09:12 PM   #4 (permalink)
Tigger41's Avatar

Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Philly PA
Posts: 814
Blog Entries: 1
Desertsong - yeah the AV - she's bi*** the AV voice will wait and wait and wait.

The anger subsides - hang in there.
Tigger41 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Tigger41 For This Useful Post:
freshstart57 (01-06-2012)
Old 01-06-2012, 09:20 PM   #5 (permalink)

Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Vashon WA
Posts: 1,034
I have felt the same way many times in the ten or so weeks since I quit. I feel like at least when I'm sober and pissed off I'm more in control of it, I can moderate, wait it out, not say stupid or hateful things that I might not even remember anyways if I was still a drunk. I also find it is easier to laugh at myself about it. It will get easier.
gaffo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-07-2012, 12:34 AM   #6 (permalink)

Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 553
I totally get where you're coming from. At 19 days I'm still feeling a lot of anger, resentments, and weird emotions that I didn't even know existed. It's confusing when we get angry and we don't understand why, or we get feelings of resentment towards people and situations out of the blue. Hopefully time will help this. In the meantime, vent away on here. It seems to help a ton to get it out and attempt to process it. I say attempt because processing in a helpful way is a brand new concept when you're used to numbing emotions.
Inca is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-07-2012, 06:06 AM   #7 (permalink)

Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Alaska
Posts: 1,457
Blog Entries: 16
yeah, I'm right there with you desertsong. I'm at 25 days and I'm non stop either crying because I'm angry or crying because I'm sad. Thankfully every so often I have a happy moment or I'd probably go nuts! Oh and also thankfully hubby isn't around to see me have these momentary fits!
Hang in there.
Sober Date 14 December 2011

For the moment we live in a day of peace, but it shall not ever be thus. Great trials lie ahead... and we must prepare ourselves temporally and spiritually.
~Bruce R. McConkie~
munchkin05 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-07-2012, 07:17 AM   #8 (permalink)
jocata's Avatar

Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Newburgh
Posts: 868
I'm at 42 days and still riding the emotional waves. It does hit out of nowhere and it is very frustrating. Mine does seem to be slowly getting better though.

Hang in there.
God bless,
jocata is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-07-2012, 07:36 AM   #9 (permalink)

Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Queens, NY
Posts: 267
I find myself wondering if these emotions are a result of withdrawing, or if we never dealt with them drunk and are faced with them now. My wife is a real momma's girl. When I am not home she is always at her mom's house spending the night with the kids. Don't know why that bothers me, but it does. She works with her mom everyday, talks to her twice or thrice when she gets home and spends days on end when I am not home. I know we have our own crazy but this drives me bonkers - get a life. At least sober I am catching myself from lashing out when drunk. But have to admit I am having trouble seeing the forest. Alcohol used to hide both the tree and the forest.
MentalLoop is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to MentalLoop For This Useful Post:
gaffo (01-07-2012)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:19 PM.