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Old 01-06-2012, 09:02 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Grrrrr!


Well, I'm almost a week sober and although the physical detox went well, the emotional detox is starting and it's not fun. Out of the blue, for no apparent reason tonight, I just got completely ticked off. Ticked off that I can't drink like "normies," ticked off at alcohol for being so seductive and deceitful in my life, ticked off that the paint is peeling in my garage .... you name it. I knew anger would be part of the process but I didn't expect THIS. I'm mad at myself, mad at the weather, and just plain mad! And that ugly alcoholic voice keeps saying, "Well, all you need is a drink and you won't be mad anymore." UGH!!

Today at AA we talked about "insanity vs. sanity," i.e. what was insane about the way you used to live and what is "sane" about the way you live now that you're sober. I'm still early in this process so I think I have more insanity than sanity at this point, but today I did gain enough sanity to realize that alcohol had more of a hold on me than I ever thought it did ... that it was a demon that wanted to drag me down into hell. And it doesn't give up, either. It is relentless, it is deceitful, and it is PATIENT. Someone in AA today said that they were sober for 11 years and then relapsed. Alcohol will wait forever to take you back ... and at the "right" moment, it will slither on in and grab you once again. I think that's where the anger started for me today. Maybe that's a constructive anger, I don't know. So I called my sponsor, and thankfully, she told me I was "normal", then suggested I sit down and write out the consequences of my last five drunks in these categories: spiritual, emotional, family/relationships, physical, legal, and kids. I wrote for an hour and when I read what I wrote afterwards, I was disgusted and even more ticked off! Alcohol took so much of my life from me, so I guess my anger toward it is justified and perhaps even healthy. But the anger at the other stuff? Where does that come from? Why am I so mad that there are mice in my garage and that my trash bag ripped when the box it came in said it wouldn't? Again .... UGH!!!
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Old 01-06-2012, 09:07 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I always think, when I was drinking I built a dam...everytime I felt a strong emotion I drank it away, and walled it up behind my dam...

then the dam was gone. I had to get used to feeling again...

The 'water' will rage a little for a while, and will likely crash from pole to pole - but you will find your emotional 'level' soon enough, desertsong

D
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Old 01-06-2012, 09:07 PM   #3 (permalink)
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google:

aa speakers

then take a listen. Dr. Paul O. is one, Bea M., many are available!

You can stay stopped!
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All Big Book quotes are from the 1st edition.
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Old 01-06-2012, 09:12 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Desertsong - yeah the AV - she's bi*** the AV voice will wait and wait and wait.

The anger subsides - hang in there.
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Old 01-06-2012, 09:20 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I have felt the same way many times in the ten or so weeks since I quit. I feel like at least when I'm sober and pissed off I'm more in control of it, I can moderate, wait it out, not say stupid or hateful things that I might not even remember anyways if I was still a drunk. I also find it is easier to laugh at myself about it. It will get easier.
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Old 01-07-2012, 12:34 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I totally get where you're coming from. At 19 days I'm still feeling a lot of anger, resentments, and weird emotions that I didn't even know existed. It's confusing when we get angry and we don't understand why, or we get feelings of resentment towards people and situations out of the blue. Hopefully time will help this. In the meantime, vent away on here. It seems to help a ton to get it out and attempt to process it. I say attempt because processing in a helpful way is a brand new concept when you're used to numbing emotions.
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Old 01-07-2012, 06:06 AM   #7 (permalink)
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yeah, I'm right there with you desertsong. I'm at 25 days and I'm non stop either crying because I'm angry or crying because I'm sad. Thankfully every so often I have a happy moment or I'd probably go nuts! Oh and also thankfully hubby isn't around to see me have these momentary fits!
Hang in there.
HUGS!
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For the moment we live in a day of peace, but it shall not ever be thus. Great trials lie ahead... and we must prepare ourselves temporally and spiritually.
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Old 01-07-2012, 07:17 AM   #8 (permalink)
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I'm at 42 days and still riding the emotional waves. It does hit out of nowhere and it is very frustrating. Mine does seem to be slowly getting better though.

Hang in there.
God bless,
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Old 01-07-2012, 07:36 AM   #9 (permalink)
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I find myself wondering if these emotions are a result of withdrawing, or if we never dealt with them drunk and are faced with them now. My wife is a real momma's girl. When I am not home she is always at her mom's house spending the night with the kids. Don't know why that bothers me, but it does. She works with her mom everyday, talks to her twice or thrice when she gets home and spends days on end when I am not home. I know we have our own crazy but this drives me bonkers - get a life. At least sober I am catching myself from lashing out when drunk. But have to admit I am having trouble seeing the forest. Alcohol used to hide both the tree and the forest.
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