Retired and trying to take control
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 34
Retired and trying to take control
I have just joined because I have been reading these forums for about a week. I have a long story but will make it short.
I am retired after 27 years in two different high stress jobs for the same company. The last 15 years or so, I have drank every day basically. Durying the work week, at least 2-4 drinks after work. Weekends were worse, I would drink from noon until I went to bed, including usually taking one last one with me.
I have been retired just over a year, and that has helped slow down. I will go 2-3 days without a drink, but when I do take a drink I can't stop until I am out of control. I drank 3 beers 12/30/2011, and haven't had any since. I think this is the longest I have gone in 15 years without a drink. I want this week to turn into being able to go months, but I want to be able to take my wife out to dinner once in awhile and have 1-2 glasses of wine and stop there. Am I correct in joining this site for support and help?
I am retired after 27 years in two different high stress jobs for the same company. The last 15 years or so, I have drank every day basically. Durying the work week, at least 2-4 drinks after work. Weekends were worse, I would drink from noon until I went to bed, including usually taking one last one with me.
I have been retired just over a year, and that has helped slow down. I will go 2-3 days without a drink, but when I do take a drink I can't stop until I am out of control. I drank 3 beers 12/30/2011, and haven't had any since. I think this is the longest I have gone in 15 years without a drink. I want this week to turn into being able to go months, but I want to be able to take my wife out to dinner once in awhile and have 1-2 glasses of wine and stop there. Am I correct in joining this site for support and help?
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome to SR.
You may want to drink one or two, but earlier in your post you wrote, "...when I do take a drink I can't stop until I am out of control."
Recovery doesn't not give you the ability to control your drinking. If it could, we'd all be doing it. Recovery rids us of the obsession to think we need or want ANY alcohol.
So if that's what you want, sobriety, this is a great place for support.
Originally Posted by TatsX 
I want to be able to take my wife out to dinner once in awhile and have 1-2 glasses of wine and stop there.
Recovery doesn't not give you the ability to control your drinking. If it could, we'd all be doing it. Recovery rids us of the obsession to think we need or want ANY alcohol.
So if that's what you want, sobriety, this is a great place for support.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Tampa
Posts: 178
Hi TatsX. Your awareness of the the hold alcohol has over you one you have a drink is your salvation. You already know where that ends up. There's one solution that works like a charm. Changing your life to live it to the fullest wihtout one particular kind of drink... anything with alcohol. That's it. That's the only boundary. LOL. Some overcomplicate it with excuses, what ifs, etc. Everytime I gave up drinking, I was fine... until I had one drink. One day I had one too many, and so I made the decision I would remove it from my life, to live a more free and happy life.
I think you're at the right place for one reason.... At this place, you can communicate your trials at abstaining. You can write them down and share your experiences with others. If and when you get to the point where you realize it controls you, WHEN YOU ALLOW it in your life, then you may choose to part ways with it all together. That too would be good to share with us.
Closing in on 17 months since I gave it all up, and loving my life AWARE of the control, damage and sickness it all brought to me, resulting in the reasoning I choose sobriety. Life is so much better being the boss lol
I think you're at the right place for one reason.... At this place, you can communicate your trials at abstaining. You can write them down and share your experiences with others. If and when you get to the point where you realize it controls you, WHEN YOU ALLOW it in your life, then you may choose to part ways with it all together. That too would be good to share with us.
Closing in on 17 months since I gave it all up, and loving my life AWARE of the control, damage and sickness it all brought to me, resulting in the reasoning I choose sobriety. Life is so much better being the boss lol
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 34
Thanks ISPYSOBRIETY, I think I started this thread the wrong way and a little confusing. I am new to any type of forum, I think this is my first ever posting. I want the sobriety--not the need or want for alcohol, which I have.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 1,149
Hi Tats, I tried for years to regulate my intake of booze.
It would be lovely if I could have just 1-2 glasses of wine with dinner and stop there. But it never, ever worked. One or two would just make me pine for more and I would inevitably be right back where I started and drinking more than before.
It was an exhausting way of life trying to control it.
If you can do it, all the power to you.. but I can't and the only solution for me was to quit entirely, almost 6 months now sober.
Welcome to SR!
It would be lovely if I could have just 1-2 glasses of wine with dinner and stop there. But it never, ever worked. One or two would just make me pine for more and I would inevitably be right back where I started and drinking more than before.
It was an exhausting way of life trying to control it.
If you can do it, all the power to you.. but I can't and the only solution for me was to quit entirely, almost 6 months now sober.
Welcome to SR!
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,921
Welcome Tats, stick around SR and keep reading, it can really help.
I'm an alcoholic and it took me along time to figure that out, despite being a pretty smart guy. Like a lot of people around here I've tried to moderate my drinking trying a bunch of different things. Ultimately I always ended up in the same place, drunk. What works for me now is total abstinence.
I'm an alcoholic and it took me along time to figure that out, despite being a pretty smart guy. Like a lot of people around here I've tried to moderate my drinking trying a bunch of different things. Ultimately I always ended up in the same place, drunk. What works for me now is total abstinence.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,503
Welcome!
If you're looking for support to stop drinking, you're in the right place. If you take a look around here, you will see that there are many different recovery paths and there is always lots of support here.
If you're looking for support to stop drinking, you're in the right place. If you take a look around here, you will see that there are many different recovery paths and there is always lots of support here.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Texas, a state of mind
Posts: 380
One thing I would strongly recommend is a frank talk with your doctor about your drinking.
If this seems embarassing, just remember that the docs are hired to listen to health concerns. That is their job. Tell your doc what you have been doing and get a recommendation.
I wish you the best in your journey back to health and sanity!
If this seems embarassing, just remember that the docs are hired to listen to health concerns. That is their job. Tell your doc what you have been doing and get a recommendation.
I wish you the best in your journey back to health and sanity!
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome TatsX!
There are a lot of resources out there, here's a list of some:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
Most of us find it hard to stop drinking on our own, so getting support is a great first step.
Glad you're here!
There are a lot of resources out there, here's a list of some:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
Most of us find it hard to stop drinking on our own, so getting support is a great first step.
Glad you're here!
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
I am retired too and this is definitely the right place to be.
We have the same start date as I just reset my date to Jan 1 2012 as I start again.
With the help of everyone here I remained totally sober for ten months and mostly sober for 2 years.
Moderation was working for me but in the last 4 months it stopped working so I knew it was time to go back to abstinence.
Good luck in your quest.
We have the same start date as I just reset my date to Jan 1 2012 as I start again.
With the help of everyone here I remained totally sober for ten months and mostly sober for 2 years.
Moderation was working for me but in the last 4 months it stopped working so I knew it was time to go back to abstinence.
Good luck in your quest.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,966
Welcome! See your doctor as daily drinking & stopping abruptly can shock your body.
It takes 1 hour for every (1) ounce of alcohol to entirely leave the body. I drank a six pack of beer a day, which means the alcohol would take 3 days to leave my system. Since I drank daily, I never really was sober.....
It takes 1 hour for every (1) ounce of alcohol to entirely leave the body. I drank a six pack of beer a day, which means the alcohol would take 3 days to leave my system. Since I drank daily, I never really was sober.....
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
TatsX.... there's a part in the AA book that tooooootally sprang to mind as I read your post:
The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his
drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal
drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing.
Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his
drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal
drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing.
Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Queens, NY
Posts: 267
TatsX - I'm sad to report that you are in the right place. Many of us are newbies, i'm only about a month ahead of you. You have been a blessing in disguise for me, because you are my clock about 20 years from now, and I can see it is still a problem. For the last 5 years or so, I have been drinking between 2-4 glasses a day, much heavier on weekends. Although by any stretch some believe this not to be a problem - except i just couldn't go a day without a drink. Of course the caveats - if I had a hangover (an extreme one that is), there would be some recovery days I did not drink. Those recoveries did not last long regrettably. I had no real issues with alcohol from a professional or social perspective, and boy was i a happy drunk - PEOPLE LOVE ME DRUNK!
But then.....my mornings started getting a little rougher in terms of heavy headedness, grogginess, etc. My anger, resentment and anxiety levels started to shoot the moon. When bike riding I started to get off balance and scared of things I never doubted before. My body was just not at equilibrium. Like you, I woke up about 40 days ago now and just thought - this drinking thing, it can't be good. I just don't feel right. I too felt a little bad about birthdays and holidays, and the incessant reminder from folks on this site that it pretty much is all or nothing. But the folks on this site are protecting me, they are saving me from their falls, they are doing everything in their power to stop me from falling down that slippery slope I was about to go down. At this point, i have absolutely no doubt of two things: 1) I'm an alcoholic; 2) I just can't have another drink. In my family, we happen to have 3 birthdays in December (kids and myself), Christmas Eve, Christmas and New Year's. All major drinking occasions for me. I sat them all out, and I have felt absolutely amazing. My mornings are free and clear, my daily productivity has shot the moon. And probably like your self, by any stretch i was a super functioning alcoholic (LOL I'm even trying to elevate myself from "High Functioning") - but however good i was, it is a joke compared to what i get done now. My anxiety although still there, turns out is much lower without the alcohol (with good reason), and for the first time in 37 years of living, I have been able to step outside of my anger and my resentment and see the irrationality of my ways. I'm no saint, and I haven't cured world hunger yet - but I am definitely a much better person without alcohol.
I really wish there was a way to short circuit an recovering alcoholics learning curve, but I am learning there is not. There are a series of thoughts you will go through, that in your mind will distinguish you from everybody else. All I can suggest is keep reading, keep questioning, and to thy own self be true. I will leave you with this. I got into a fender bender the day before i went sober. All I had was one beer for lunch with family and friends. I was categorically not drunk, and would have easily passed any breathalyzer or other validation of my sobriety. It was in a parking lot - thankfully, at very low speeds (single digits). It happened not because i was buzzed at the moment, but because i was completely off kilter from the night before and the night before that. To boot, because i was terrified I'd get busted for drinking, which now when i look back, i wouldn't have - I actually made my son spit out his mint and give it to me. That night, at 2am, i downloaded the big book, and have been sober ever since.
But then.....my mornings started getting a little rougher in terms of heavy headedness, grogginess, etc. My anger, resentment and anxiety levels started to shoot the moon. When bike riding I started to get off balance and scared of things I never doubted before. My body was just not at equilibrium. Like you, I woke up about 40 days ago now and just thought - this drinking thing, it can't be good. I just don't feel right. I too felt a little bad about birthdays and holidays, and the incessant reminder from folks on this site that it pretty much is all or nothing. But the folks on this site are protecting me, they are saving me from their falls, they are doing everything in their power to stop me from falling down that slippery slope I was about to go down. At this point, i have absolutely no doubt of two things: 1) I'm an alcoholic; 2) I just can't have another drink. In my family, we happen to have 3 birthdays in December (kids and myself), Christmas Eve, Christmas and New Year's. All major drinking occasions for me. I sat them all out, and I have felt absolutely amazing. My mornings are free and clear, my daily productivity has shot the moon. And probably like your self, by any stretch i was a super functioning alcoholic (LOL I'm even trying to elevate myself from "High Functioning") - but however good i was, it is a joke compared to what i get done now. My anxiety although still there, turns out is much lower without the alcohol (with good reason), and for the first time in 37 years of living, I have been able to step outside of my anger and my resentment and see the irrationality of my ways. I'm no saint, and I haven't cured world hunger yet - but I am definitely a much better person without alcohol.
I really wish there was a way to short circuit an recovering alcoholics learning curve, but I am learning there is not. There are a series of thoughts you will go through, that in your mind will distinguish you from everybody else. All I can suggest is keep reading, keep questioning, and to thy own self be true. I will leave you with this. I got into a fender bender the day before i went sober. All I had was one beer for lunch with family and friends. I was categorically not drunk, and would have easily passed any breathalyzer or other validation of my sobriety. It was in a parking lot - thankfully, at very low speeds (single digits). It happened not because i was buzzed at the moment, but because i was completely off kilter from the night before and the night before that. To boot, because i was terrified I'd get busted for drinking, which now when i look back, i wouldn't have - I actually made my son spit out his mint and give it to me. That night, at 2am, i downloaded the big book, and have been sober ever since.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 34
Thank you all for the replies, especially mentalloop. Our stories sound very similar, I was a very high functioning alcoholic for my job, but a couple of "slaps in the face" made me realize I needed to quit. Like I said, retirement has helped and the last couple of days I have felt good and haven't had the feeling of need/want a drink. Thanks all.
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