Do I have a problem?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1
Do I have a problem?
Since I to ask this question, I think I already know the answer. I'm new to the site and am hoping someone might have thoughts on this.
I can go for weeks, or months, without thinking about alcohol, if I am by myself and not going out with friends. But when I do go out, I cant control myself at all. The worst days are the ones where I don't plan on drinking at all and then do. It's almost as if I had something in the back of my head that is saying it's ok to get wasted, because I know that I wanted to anyway, even though I hadn't thought of it.
Like monday, for example. I had the day off work and was in a great mood. Hadn't drank heavily in a few weeks. I had had 3/4 drinks on Christmas and one or two on New Years (I was with family and wanted to enjoy my time visiting without regrets or feeling hungover). So I wake up feeling refreshed on monday and head out to the beach. Happy. Then I run into a friend, who asks me to go sailing. Too good to turn down. We go, and of course we drink a couple beers during. Then we go get a few afterwards too. He leaves because he has to wake up early, and I decide to stay out. My excuse is that I ran into another friend at the bar, but really, I probably just wanted to drink regardless of that. On the other hand, when I say I want to go to the bar, often I only wind up having 1-3 drinks.
Why did I take it to the point of getting really drunk and staying out all night when I didn't even think of alcohol before this? And why do I not stay out all night when I plan on it?
I don't like being hungover anymore and I've been doing this for too long. I am wondering if I need to stop all together, so that I don't have these "accidents." I know drinking when you said you wouldn't and when you regret it later is a bad sign. I'm just trying to figure out if it would work if I told myself something like "I can never have more than 2 drinks in one day" or something.
What do you guys think? Would this ever work?
It's not necessarily that I would mind giving it up all together, it's just that it is such a social activity, I am kind of scared of losing friends and scaring new people off when they find out I can't control it.
I can go for weeks, or months, without thinking about alcohol, if I am by myself and not going out with friends. But when I do go out, I cant control myself at all. The worst days are the ones where I don't plan on drinking at all and then do. It's almost as if I had something in the back of my head that is saying it's ok to get wasted, because I know that I wanted to anyway, even though I hadn't thought of it.
Like monday, for example. I had the day off work and was in a great mood. Hadn't drank heavily in a few weeks. I had had 3/4 drinks on Christmas and one or two on New Years (I was with family and wanted to enjoy my time visiting without regrets or feeling hungover). So I wake up feeling refreshed on monday and head out to the beach. Happy. Then I run into a friend, who asks me to go sailing. Too good to turn down. We go, and of course we drink a couple beers during. Then we go get a few afterwards too. He leaves because he has to wake up early, and I decide to stay out. My excuse is that I ran into another friend at the bar, but really, I probably just wanted to drink regardless of that. On the other hand, when I say I want to go to the bar, often I only wind up having 1-3 drinks.
Why did I take it to the point of getting really drunk and staying out all night when I didn't even think of alcohol before this? And why do I not stay out all night when I plan on it?
I don't like being hungover anymore and I've been doing this for too long. I am wondering if I need to stop all together, so that I don't have these "accidents." I know drinking when you said you wouldn't and when you regret it later is a bad sign. I'm just trying to figure out if it would work if I told myself something like "I can never have more than 2 drinks in one day" or something.
What do you guys think? Would this ever work?
It's not necessarily that I would mind giving it up all together, it's just that it is such a social activity, I am kind of scared of losing friends and scaring new people off when they find out I can't control it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 43
Everyone on this site and everyone who has ever stepped foot in an AA meeting has tried wishfully to set parameters like that. At the end of the day, unfortunately, it doesn't work. If it did, we wouldn't need the meetings. 
I think the question you have to ask yourself is, "why do I need those two drinks anyway? What are they really doing for me?" More than likely, the same part of your brain that wants one or two drinks also wants one or two or fifteen more, at least that's how it is for me! lol
Anyone who doesn't want to be your friend because you choose not to drink doesn't deserve your friendship. And honestly, they more than likely won't really care one way or the other. In my case, my friends were glad that I've stopped, because I don't get loud at restaurants and I don't need them to drive my car home, etc.
Ultimately, nobody on here can tell you if you're an alcoholic. But I think it's worth asking why alcohol is so important to you.
I think the question you have to ask yourself is, "why do I need those two drinks anyway? What are they really doing for me?" More than likely, the same part of your brain that wants one or two drinks also wants one or two or fifteen more, at least that's how it is for me! lol
It's not necessarily that I would mind giving it up all together, it's just that it is such a social activity, I am kind of scared of losing friends and scaring new people off when they find out I can't control it.
Ultimately, nobody on here can tell you if you're an alcoholic. But I think it's worth asking why alcohol is so important to you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
You are the only one who can answer your question. All I know is that alcoholism is progressive and a slippery slope and it is best to stop it before it's too late... especially if you are seeing the advantages of stopping. You're right, it doesn't make sense that you would keep drinking all night long when you hadn't planned on it. I used to always be the "last woman standing," looking for other "friends"/people who drank as much as I did when I was in a drinking mood, and using any excuse to keep the party going. To me this meant I was empty inside, and that it was time to fill my life with better things. My binges became more frequent and more intense. My emotional, physical, and spiritual health was seriously damaged. So I recommend stopping since you sense problems and begin to see yourself going down that path. I agree with the poster who said anyone who has a "problem" with you not drinking is not a real friend, and most likely has alcohol problems themselves. You need to do this for you and only you, and not worry about what other people think/ say. All the best to you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Hi Kate
The one thing I learned when I got here was it's not so much how much you drink, or even how often - it's what happens to you when you do.
No matter whether you're a daily drinker or an occasional binge drinker, that insatiability - where no amount of alcohol is enough - is common to all of us drinkers here I think.
I started as a binger and ended up an all day everyday drunk so I cover the gamut
The fact the 'more more more' thing only kicks in sometimes used to hook me in too.
I'd hold up those times when I drank as a gentleman to prove I didn't really have a problem - and I'd conveniently ignore the many other times when I very clearly showed I really did have a problem....a big one.
A 'good' night or a 'bad one' regardless - it was very very rarely down to me and what I decided - it was always far more good luck (or bad luck) than good management, IMO.
Most of us try to control our drinking - have you tried already Kate?
If you can make 'no more than 2 drinks a day' work for you, more power to you, but I spent 20 years trying to do that, and failed.
The day I accepted my relationship with alcohol for what it really was, was a turning point for me
The folks here helped me work out what the right thing for me to do was - I know you'll find a lot of help too
Welcome!
D
The one thing I learned when I got here was it's not so much how much you drink, or even how often - it's what happens to you when you do.
No matter whether you're a daily drinker or an occasional binge drinker, that insatiability - where no amount of alcohol is enough - is common to all of us drinkers here I think.
I started as a binger and ended up an all day everyday drunk so I cover the gamut
The fact the 'more more more' thing only kicks in sometimes used to hook me in too.
I'd hold up those times when I drank as a gentleman to prove I didn't really have a problem - and I'd conveniently ignore the many other times when I very clearly showed I really did have a problem....a big one.
A 'good' night or a 'bad one' regardless - it was very very rarely down to me and what I decided - it was always far more good luck (or bad luck) than good management, IMO.
Most of us try to control our drinking - have you tried already Kate?
If you can make 'no more than 2 drinks a day' work for you, more power to you, but I spent 20 years trying to do that, and failed.
The day I accepted my relationship with alcohol for what it really was, was a turning point for me
The folks here helped me work out what the right thing for me to do was - I know you'll find a lot of help too
Welcome!
D
I'm here to learn!
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm on it!
Posts: 2,038
Welcome to SR!
I think instead of asking "do I have a problem?", what you should be asking yourself is "should I quit drinking?". Essentially that's what you're trying to answer. Stating the question in this way removes the subjective and unnecessary question of "am I an alcoholic?"
So, should you quit drinking? I don't know, that's really up to you.
I think instead of asking "do I have a problem?", what you should be asking yourself is "should I quit drinking?". Essentially that's what you're trying to answer. Stating the question in this way removes the subjective and unnecessary question of "am I an alcoholic?"
So, should you quit drinking? I don't know, that's really up to you.
sobriety date 5-2-12
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 903
I could have written this post! I am like you- I can go weeks without drinking, but more often my weekend binges are ruining my weeks. I will get blackout wasted on a Friday/Saturday and then my weekend is shot, and the rest of the week is spent in anxiety over whatever stupid stuff I said or did while drunk. The worst is that my kids have been seeing me in my wasted state and that guilt is awful. My test to see if I can handle not drinking will be at any social function, bc I don't drink alone and rarely at home. I had planned a sober new years eve and ended up doing shots of vodka.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,919
I'm just trying to figure out if it would work if I told myself something like "I can never have more than 2 drinks in one day" or something.
Do I have a problem?
When you start making rules about your drinking behavior, because you have diffficulty controlling it, that's a pretty big clue.
Do I have a problem?
When you start making rules about your drinking behavior, because you have diffficulty controlling it, that's a pretty big clue.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 84
We can't diagnose you, but that sounds like me in the early stages of my drinking. Before lots of embarrassing moments, ruined friendships, a lost marriage, a totaled car and a DUI. Be careful, might be best to nip it in the bud, heck, just check out a meeting and listen to people. Be safe.
Sober date- 6-13-11
Sober date- 6-13-11
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 456
Welcome, Kate.
I think Dee summed it up pretty nicely.
I was a daily drinker. It was easy to diagnose myself. I'm just your run-of-the-mill alcoholic. I drank every day to get drunk.
As I've met so many others since I quit I've learned the line isn't really black and white. There are many people who describe their experiences much like you do. They didn't let alcohol consume their lives or their thoughts. But when they drank the outcome was completely unpredictable. To me, that sounds scary.
For me, I know that if I stop in a bar for a beer I will drink 12 that night, 12 the next, etc.
Happy new year to you and I hope you find the answers you need.
-SPG
I think Dee summed it up pretty nicely.
I was a daily drinker. It was easy to diagnose myself. I'm just your run-of-the-mill alcoholic. I drank every day to get drunk.
As I've met so many others since I quit I've learned the line isn't really black and white. There are many people who describe their experiences much like you do. They didn't let alcohol consume their lives or their thoughts. But when they drank the outcome was completely unpredictable. To me, that sounds scary.
For me, I know that if I stop in a bar for a beer I will drink 12 that night, 12 the next, etc.
Happy new year to you and I hope you find the answers you need.
-SPG
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 69
I always drank for the effects of drinks 4, 5, 6 +, without much use for drinks 1 through 3, except to get the ball rolling. When I realized the danger in getting to 4, 5, 6 +, however occasionally I made it there, it only made sense that the easiest fix was to avoid the first few. In other words, the only way to control my drinking so as to avoid the bad effects is not to drink.
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