Quitting my job... anxious and scared
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: Albany NY
Posts: 1,212
Mental Loop: eliminate the alcohol, and we are f-n' unstoppable - absolutely incredible!
You are SO right. What we were does not define who we are. My world changed and did an absolute 180 once I got my mind cleared and threw that bottle away.
Alcohol kept the blinders on and was limiting. It gave me all types of reasons why I couldn't do things. Remove the blinders, see the opportunities that present themselves, and use that same fearlessness that kept us in dangerous situations and apply them to life in a way that can produce great rewards.
I was once where Pigtails is now at, and I never regretted my decision to jump on the springboard.
You are SO right. What we were does not define who we are. My world changed and did an absolute 180 once I got my mind cleared and threw that bottle away.
Alcohol kept the blinders on and was limiting. It gave me all types of reasons why I couldn't do things. Remove the blinders, see the opportunities that present themselves, and use that same fearlessness that kept us in dangerous situations and apply them to life in a way that can produce great rewards.
I was once where Pigtails is now at, and I never regretted my decision to jump on the springboard.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Queens, NY
Posts: 267
Originally Posted by Philo34 
Itch & ML... too funny.
But... there is much truth in this statement.
Eliminate the alcohol and we are f-'n unstoppable.
MentalLoop
Permission to borrow, requested.
But... there is much truth in this statement.
Eliminate the alcohol and we are f-'n unstoppable.
MentalLoop
Permission to borrow, requested.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
Thank you everyone!! I will take more time to respond later and I also have some PMs I need to respond to. 
For now I want to say that everything is back on track. The guy wrote back to my email and said, yes, he has the same understanding of those terms of our agreement. I will be giving notice as soon as my main boss gets out of a meeting she's in (which could last all afternoon... I am now anxious to get it done!!).
I find everyone's practical advice really helpful. To me, my alcoholism/alcohohlic "personality" or whatever seems to permeate every area of my life and it's really hard to separate just one area out, so, to me it's all related. I will keep you all posted!
FYI - Today I am 60 days sober! After I quit my job, a friend from AA and I are going to go to a meeting so I can get my hard-earned chip!! Yeah baby. It's a perfect way to celebrate, and I feel all cheesy, like the fates have alined to give me a great day today.
For now I want to say that everything is back on track. The guy wrote back to my email and said, yes, he has the same understanding of those terms of our agreement. I will be giving notice as soon as my main boss gets out of a meeting she's in (which could last all afternoon... I am now anxious to get it done!!).I find everyone's practical advice really helpful. To me, my alcoholism/alcohohlic "personality" or whatever seems to permeate every area of my life and it's really hard to separate just one area out, so, to me it's all related.
I will keep you all posted!FYI - Today I am 60 days sober!
After I quit my job, a friend from AA and I are going to go to a meeting so I can get my hard-earned chip!! Yeah baby. It's a perfect way to celebrate, and I feel all cheesy, like the fates have alined to give me a great day today.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Queens, NY
Posts: 267
The SR Soap Opera...Pigtail, you keep giving us the stay tuned's.....and as can be expected, I'm refreshing the damn page a gazillion times waiting to get the next nail biting installment.
Next Episode....The boss storms out, but the other boss that you like talks about how he's going to miss you. Then of course there's the guy (or gal) that had this secret crush on you, who is devastated.
I'm pathetic, I know - but a browser refresh is better than an alcoholic refreshment. And NetFlix doesn't work in the middle east, so right now Pigtail you are one of the best I've got.
Next Episode....The boss storms out, but the other boss that you like talks about how he's going to miss you. Then of course there's the guy (or gal) that had this secret crush on you, who is devastated.
I'm pathetic, I know - but a browser refresh is better than an alcoholic refreshment. And NetFlix doesn't work in the middle east, so right now Pigtail you are one of the best I've got.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
Hi everyone. Sorry for the delay in my apparently long-anticipated update. 
(MentalLoop-- the soap opera joke was hilarious!). I feel like I've had the busiest/craziest week... or more like past two months... ever.
I finally just now got to talk to my boss. Yesterday she was at her meeting all day and left the office right afterwards, and I was finishing a big project, so our paths only crossed when we were both rushed and the timing just didn't feel right. I guess it never feels right. I just went in and talked to her and it went much better than I expected. She's sad I'm leaving and said she would like me to stay but she knows that if I'm ready to leave there's not much she can do. We talked about some issues with the company that I should have brought up earlier, but, I don't know what the point would have been. She says she understands my decision but wishes it weren't so. She wants me to finish up some big projects I've been working on for her, and I said I was giving two weeks' notice and would do that, and help her transition. She kept trying to get me to stay three weeks or until the end of January. Basically she doesn't want me to leave but since I am, she wants me to stay as long as possible.
I did enjoy working for my boss and will miss her/her work, so, it was pretty hard for me but I'm glad she took it well and was supportive. I didn't tell her about the new gig I have lined up, although I did tell her I am exploring less traditional opportunities besides the corporate world, and that I have some friends that are out on their own who have work for me. I basically told her my plan without getting into specifics because I don't want everyone to know my business while I'm still here. She told me that maybe I'll get re-energized during these last couple weeks and want to stay. She said that if I want her to she can forget we had this conversation, but once I go around telling people, that's pretty much it.
It gave me pause, just because it was a bittersweet moment and I want to be sure I don't do something hasty. But I know this is what I need to do. I had my mind made up and the benefits of working for/with my boss (which isn't all rosy, but overall I like it) do not outweigh the other reasons I want to leave. So now I have to talk to the firm president and give my official written notice. I also have to talk to the other boss who has been really nice to me and I have been helping him on some stuff, and I know he will take it hard.
I guess I'm in a good position of leaving on a good note and transitioning as well as possible (although a big part of me wishes I could just walk out right now and not come back!), but, it is sad to leave even though it's what I want.
(MentalLoop-- the soap opera joke was hilarious!). I feel like I've had the busiest/craziest week... or more like past two months... ever.I finally just now got to talk to my boss. Yesterday she was at her meeting all day and left the office right afterwards, and I was finishing a big project, so our paths only crossed when we were both rushed and the timing just didn't feel right. I guess it never feels right. I just went in and talked to her and it went much better than I expected. She's sad I'm leaving and said she would like me to stay but she knows that if I'm ready to leave there's not much she can do. We talked about some issues with the company that I should have brought up earlier, but, I don't know what the point would have been. She says she understands my decision but wishes it weren't so. She wants me to finish up some big projects I've been working on for her, and I said I was giving two weeks' notice and would do that, and help her transition. She kept trying to get me to stay three weeks or until the end of January. Basically she doesn't want me to leave but since I am, she wants me to stay as long as possible.
I did enjoy working for my boss and will miss her/her work, so, it was pretty hard for me but I'm glad she took it well and was supportive. I didn't tell her about the new gig I have lined up, although I did tell her I am exploring less traditional opportunities besides the corporate world, and that I have some friends that are out on their own who have work for me. I basically told her my plan without getting into specifics because I don't want everyone to know my business while I'm still here. She told me that maybe I'll get re-energized during these last couple weeks and want to stay. She said that if I want her to she can forget we had this conversation, but once I go around telling people, that's pretty much it.
It gave me pause, just because it was a bittersweet moment and I want to be sure I don't do something hasty. But I know this is what I need to do. I had my mind made up and the benefits of working for/with my boss (which isn't all rosy, but overall I like it) do not outweigh the other reasons I want to leave. So now I have to talk to the firm president and give my official written notice. I also have to talk to the other boss who has been really nice to me and I have been helping him on some stuff, and I know he will take it hard.
I guess I'm in a good position of leaving on a good note and transitioning as well as possible (although a big part of me wishes I could just walk out right now and not come back!), but, it is sad to leave even though it's what I want.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
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Believe it or not, this whole saga is still going on. I mean, I gave my notice to my boss, and I know I have to leave because I have agreed to start the contract work for the other guy, but I haven't offiically put my resignation in writing to the president of the company. I have been freaking out and having last minute cold feet/doubts.
Part of me is scared to give up my steady paycheck and good benefits-- I keep thinking, what if I get pregnant, or need more counseling... my individual insurance plan doesn't cover those things!! I guess I have fears that I won't be able to make it on my own. But the biggest, most over-riding feeling is of failure and regret. I know I didn't give my all to my job, and I know that I need to change some personality traits or I will just re-create my same problems whereever I go.
My boss has been telling me that it's not too late to stay, and to re-commit myself to the job. She says that I am smart and bring a lot to the job, I just need to have motivation to excel. I think partly I haven't had motivation because of the type of work I do (my basic philosophy is different), partly because I am just sick of working in a corporate world and would rather work independently, partly because some of the other bosses here are just plain crappy people who have treated me/others in my position bad and I don't see a future being partners with them even if I were to stick it out. But I know that I have been unproductive and downright lazy here, and I keep thinking of how much better things could have been if I had done things differently. Even though I really don't want to stay here, I guess I wish I could go and turn back time and correct things. Part of my problems are external, and part of them, I have brought on or made worse by how I dealt with them. I have realized a lot of things about how I deal with issues and other people and my work ethic that I need to change pronto or I will never be happy no matter what I chose to do.
On the positive side, my boss said essentially that there will likely always be room for me here if I want to come back, if I go out on my own and figure out that I was happier here or could be if I wanted to re-energize my career here. I don't anticipate this happening but I guess it's good to know just in case. And even if she's wrong and they wouldn't want to hire me back, I feel confident that she would give me good recommendations in the event that I need to find another job. I don't know why I keep thinking worst-case doomsday scenarios when, when I'm thinking rationally, I know I am done with this type of work and that I have a different vision in mind, and I should be focusing my energy on closing this chapter of my life/career and moving on to what I truly want. But I am just feeling really down on myself and wondering if I even know what I truly want or if I'm just delusional. Like, perhaps I just haven't been happy no matter what I was doing, and now I will be happier no matter what I do, because I am facing it sober and getting a better toolkit for how to deal with life.
Well, I just wanted to give that update, even if it's not much of one. I feel like I am dragging this out to a slow death rather than giving it a quick bullet to the head.
Part of me is scared to give up my steady paycheck and good benefits-- I keep thinking, what if I get pregnant, or need more counseling... my individual insurance plan doesn't cover those things!! I guess I have fears that I won't be able to make it on my own. But the biggest, most over-riding feeling is of failure and regret. I know I didn't give my all to my job, and I know that I need to change some personality traits or I will just re-create my same problems whereever I go.
My boss has been telling me that it's not too late to stay, and to re-commit myself to the job. She says that I am smart and bring a lot to the job, I just need to have motivation to excel. I think partly I haven't had motivation because of the type of work I do (my basic philosophy is different), partly because I am just sick of working in a corporate world and would rather work independently, partly because some of the other bosses here are just plain crappy people who have treated me/others in my position bad and I don't see a future being partners with them even if I were to stick it out. But I know that I have been unproductive and downright lazy here, and I keep thinking of how much better things could have been if I had done things differently. Even though I really don't want to stay here, I guess I wish I could go and turn back time and correct things.
Part of my problems are external, and part of them, I have brought on or made worse by how I dealt with them. I have realized a lot of things about how I deal with issues and other people and my work ethic that I need to change pronto or I will never be happy no matter what I chose to do.On the positive side, my boss said essentially that there will likely always be room for me here if I want to come back, if I go out on my own and figure out that I was happier here or could be if I wanted to re-energize my career here. I don't anticipate this happening but I guess it's good to know just in case. And even if she's wrong and they wouldn't want to hire me back, I feel confident that she would give me good recommendations in the event that I need to find another job. I don't know why I keep thinking worst-case doomsday scenarios when, when I'm thinking rationally, I know I am done with this type of work and that I have a different vision in mind, and I should be focusing my energy on closing this chapter of my life/career and moving on to what I truly want. But I am just feeling really down on myself and wondering if I even know what I truly want or if I'm just delusional. Like, perhaps I just haven't been happy no matter what I was doing, and now I will be happier no matter what I do, because I am facing it sober and getting a better toolkit for how to deal with life.
Well, I just wanted to give that update, even if it's not much of one. I feel like I am dragging this out to a slow death rather than giving it a quick bullet to the head.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
I wanted to add that I keep wondering if I have ADD or ADHD, because it is very difficult for me to concentrate on tasks unless I am passionate/interested in them and I often procrastinate and under-acheive... or whether those are just bad personality traits!!!! I took a test online and it said 99% that I have ADD or ADHD and shoud go seek a diagnosis. However I don't really want to take medication if I don't really have to, and I think that many of my issues could be corrected with behavior and/or attitude changes. But then I get worried that if I do need medication, that I won't have insurance to cover it, because my individual insurance plan doesn't cover "mental health." Anyway I just keep thinking of issues like this and feeling stuck. :-/ I think I must literally be crazy.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
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Pigtails,
I'll bet the common advise of "not making any important major life changes for a year"
(divorce, new romances, changing careers; etc.) is usually easier for most folks undergoing such a big lifestyle reversal already.
Everything may become irrationally amplifyed. " May" being the operative word there.
Anyway, your fears are understandable. When I was working/saving to start a business, ... I tried to transcend through the work at the 2 jobs I had; ...realizing it was, ultimately, all a means to achieve my goal ( x-amount start-up money)
Not so sure about online tests, or their "conclusions" <that's just my skeptical nature though>
Hope everything's settled down a little today,
take care,
I'll bet the common advise of "not making any important major life changes for a year"
(divorce, new romances, changing careers; etc.) is usually easier for most folks undergoing such a big lifestyle reversal already.
Everything may become irrationally amplifyed. " May" being the operative word there.
Anyway, your fears are understandable. When I was working/saving to start a business, ... I tried to transcend through the work at the 2 jobs I had; ...realizing it was, ultimately, all a means to achieve my goal ( x-amount start-up money)
Not so sure about online tests, or their "conclusions" <that's just my skeptical nature though
>Hope everything's settled down a little today,
take care,
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