IAmAbstinent

So I relapsed again on the friday before new years.

I spent the next 3 days in guilt and shame.

I was on here last time around the time of my previous quarterly relapse but didnt take enough action to solidify the behaviour change.

People talk about getting new activities. I have one main one which is fiddle playing but I thought studying and practicing relapse prevention would be a good activity in itself.

One issue in terms of behaviour change is that im currently working from home self employed and the next 4 months are gonna be particularly heavy workload wise as its pretty much make or break whether I succeed in it or not. As an activity it is what I am doing most of the time atm. It's internet marketing. Now as an activity its great when things are going well but it can be a trigger when things are getting heavy.

So of course stress is going to be up.

I absolutely cannot afford any relapsing during this time but I know stress is a big trigger so I am being very wary and want to ready myself now with preventative measures while my resolve is high.

Like I said while taking breaks from my work I'm going to study relapse prevention to become more aware of warning signs.

Working from home means I am gonna have to by necessity shut myself up to get the work done (another trouble point since solitude has been another trigger for me). So I would like advice for relapse prevention resources that I can study while taking breaks from working.

Online/free resources would be best so I can access them immediately (if there are any particularly good books I may look into those too but internet I think seems the best goto).

Ive also made a note to myself to take a walk every day to get out the house and I will take some time to play my instrument too every day.

Thanks for reading and let me know your thoughts/rec resources.

I also really don;t know too much about this whole relapse prevention thing/method/process so if anyone is more versed please let me know.

Ideally I'd just like a working method I can use to analyse my behaviour and keep me in check.

I know the social aspect and attending meetings is a big thing but that isn;t really an option for me atm due to my full work schedule.

Anna

I'm glad that you're aware that this could be a vulnerable period for you. But, I don't know of any working method for relapse prevention.

For me, balance in my life is crucial, absolutely crucial. So, I make time every day to something physical (usually a lot of walking), something mental (reading books on well-being) and something spiritual (yoga, reading). And, I come here to SR.

Here are some previous threads on the topic:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...revention.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ollection.html

susanlauren

For me, the difficulty with "relapse prevention" is that there were just too many triggers for a prevention plan to work. Good times, bad times, happy feelings, sad feelings, special occasions, just because. Any reason and any excuse would do to justify a drink. What I needed was a way to stay sober no matter what was happening in my life or in the world around me. And if I could keep myself sober, then I would not have a problem in the first place. The solution I found was the twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. Taking the steps and then continuing to live by them has brought about a personality change such that I no longer have the desire to drink. By the way, AA is widely available and free of charge.
Susan

DayTrader

If you can't afford any relapse......you may want to consider where sobriety is on your priority list and whether it's prudent to be setting limitations and constraints on how that process will look for you.

I've analyzed and have had the $hit analyzed out of my behavior......it's never kept me in check. Knowledge, for an alcoholic, is a placebo. It gives false hope that "this time will be different given all the great new data I have." That said, maybe you're not an alcoholic.....I don't know.

If AA meetings were about being social, they'd have likely closed their doors 70+ years ago. Meetings aren't necessary, not required, and technically aren't even part of the AA program of recovery..........but lots of folks seem to think that meetings ARE AA........and ARE recovery. Again, they help a lot of ppl but meetings will not keep an alcoholic sober and happy - not for long anyway.

Itchy

ON Edit: I took so long on this one I did not see any posts but the OP.
Hi,
Sometimes we need to hear what we need to hear instead of what we want to hear.
First off you mention your quarterly relapse and that you come here for support every quarter when you relapse. You are on a schedule for relapse?

Then you ask for an "ideal" for you solution where you can self monitor and change your behavior?

You then go on to say that:
"Like I said while taking breaks from my work I'm going to study relapse prevention to become more aware of warning signs."

So you will make time for that?

Then you say that:
"by necessity shut myself up to get the work done (another trouble point since solitude has been another trigger for me). So I would like advice for relapse prevention resources that I can study while taking breaks from working."

So you need to get out too and make time for study?

You go on to say:
" Ive also made a note to myself to take a walk every day to get out the house and I will take some time to play my instrument too every day."

So you want to get out again and make time.

Then you say?????:
"I know the social aspect and attending meetings is a big thing but that isn;t really an option for me atm due to my full work schedule."

I submit to you that when you always do things, the way you always have, that you will always get the same results. Which is happening here right?

If you do the same things that don't work over and over then it is insane to expect different results, right?

Your "full work schedule" does allow for walks, getting out, and time for study, but making one hour a day to "get out" to a meeting, to "study" daily sobriety, with people who successfully are sober and want to pass it on, and get a sponsor who will be "immediately available" as a resource is less important than your schedule?

I used AA, here on SR, local face to face meetings for counseling, AA, some rehab, doctor appointments for blood work and PAWS mitigation, family and friends support especially my wife and grown children, and getting off my dead axe to stop isolating and go and actually do things to recover instead of just talking about them.

Don't get me wrong, I would not be here sober were it not for SR as a part of my recovery plan. This website played an important role and worked for me.

Sadly you have already said that SR and the Internet alone have not worked for you in the past. That you only come here for your "planned-in-advance-quarterly relapse."

I would suggest that you first evaluate your priorities. Is your schedule more important then recovering from alcohol abuse? How much work will you get done drunk? You already said you can't afford to get drunk. And that you can't afford the time for something new, something that gets you out of the house for breaks of an hour, and is immediate when you need help from a sponsor.

You "think" you are being logical and that isolating yourself and using work you picked for isolation isn't making sure you do drink, as the only traps here are ones you are setting with that thinking. I used to do the same kinds of insane thinking to keep drinking.

I needed to appear (fool myself) to myself, not others, myself, to be doing something to stop, because I knew deep down I was heading for the big fail. I made every excuse to avoid going outside to a place where I would be accountable. See that would also mean being sober to go and return. It would mean actually quitting rather than making myself feel better that I can't.

Look we all have been there. Now we are not "there" anymore. You have told me what does not work for you, and that you are in a comfortable to you quarterly relapse cycle.

So this post was excellent. We now know what has not worked for you in the past. Staying home and trying online support only.

What are you going to do differently this time that also gets you out for a break?

IAmAbstinent

That isnt quit correct what you say.

What I had done in the past was make a post, checking it once or twice while coming down off drugs and depressed then once my brain chemicals went back to some sort of normal level forget about not wanting to relapse again and then go back to my old habits.

I have barely spent any time on here so it isnt true to say this website hasnt worked since I've only lurked on here and never engaged with anyone properly.

Like if I popped my head into a classroom once I wouldnt say the class was a failure cos I hadnt even been in the class .

This forum seems rather active which is good.

I think the advantage of a social support FROM HOME is that I'm always at my computer.

Itchy

Sorry, I only had your words to go by, and without the non verbals it is hard to read them, or write them, clearly all the time. What is correct then?
I just read you say:

"I think the advantage of a social support FROM HOME is that I'm always at my computer. "

The disadvantage is that it hasn't produced the sobriety you are still looking for in staying home and isolating.

Do you go shopping for food. Go out to doctor and barber appointments? You do need to take breaks, eat, exercise, and study how to lick your DOCs.

You asked for suggestions and mine was to re-examine your premises. Still is.

Terminally Unique

There's this company called Amazon that sells books online. You can sit at home and they will ship books right to you. You don't even have to leave the house. No effort required.

IAmAbstinent

As an aside related to my issue Ive told my mother about my drug use as she's very openminded and wasn't judgmental at all.

One of the problems tho is that she said 'You can always ring me but I don't quite know what to say'.

At the time I didn't know what she should say either so like how they say ring a loved one if you are feeling urges, I become very withdrawn when I'm low so I wasn't sure how she could be of help.

She would want to help any way she can of course but didn't know how and I didn't either- so any ideas there?

Snooper

Hi Harambulus,

I work from home as well, have for the past ten years, and I have to say that it IS very isolating and it has at times inflamed my alcohol abuse.

I too, have joined this online support forum, I'm only on Day 2 and by no means feeling confident about this and also fear relapse...but we just have to think about living in the now, and being sober NOW.

This forum has been a blessing for me so far as it allows me to openly share my thoughts and feelings in a TRULY anonymous fashion. I do not like AA, and I found the "Anonymous" part of it laughable where I live...everyone knew I was going to meetings within a few weeks...total turn off. I even heard some of my "shares" being shared on facebook gossip.

So AA is out for me.

I have been reading some very interesting threads in the Secular section of this forum and there is a book I am going to purchase on Rational Recovery that I believe may help me to work through this. I am new to the forum so there is still a lot of reading for me to accomplish, but you have to start somewhere, right?

I'm starting here.

I'm living in the "Now".

Good Luck on your journey!!!!

dawnrunner

I've never heard it said that calling one's mother when feeling the urge to use drugs or drink is a good idea. (Maybe people say this & I just haven't been hearing it.)

Why would it be though? What would it do but upset her? She's not an addiction counselor. I would not put that weight on her. That's why a support network of people who have some knowledge and experience with addiction (like AA) is so beneficial to so many people.

Dee74

Welcome back
Some great advice here Harambulus

I read up on a lot of things when I was trying to get sober too - I have to be honest, to - the only thing that really worked was putting in time and effort into my recovery.

I used to get irritated - my life was my priority, not my recovery!

But I learned the hard the way I don't get to enjoy the former without the latter.

My advice is to continue to make time for your recovery - it's a priority

D

IAmAbstinent

Hey this is a good opportunity for us.

Terminally unique just pointed me to rational recovery actually funny enough.

See I'd read the AA/12 step outline and tbh I really dont like the first few paragraphs about how you must say you have no control on yourself and the underlying theme I got that you must give yourself over to a higher power.

This rational recovery stuff seems much more up my street from the first few pages.

Throw me a pm if you wanna go through it together- and otherwise just chat it up some.

It's good cos we're both starting on an even keel and from what I read of your post we have a similar situation and mindset on the issue.

Lol and your only quoting one of my favorite philosophers in your sig. coincidental indeed!

CaiHong

Hi Harambulus,

In my first months of sobriety I listened to recoverybroadcast, I can't get it now where I live, not sure why. Early in sobriety I was a bit of a prickly pear and related more to the robotic voices and terrible annimated images, it helped me immensely I would listen to the relapse downloads over and over again. I was very worried about relapsing. I work mainly from my home and am isolated. I find what helps me is to get out of the house, take exercise put some variety in my life.
At times I would have very strong cravings, this forum helped and AA meetings. You are being very wise to focus on what might happen in recovery, forewarned is forearmed as someone said.

All the best
CaiHong

Itchy

Harambulus,
That does sound perfect for you, post back and let us know how it works out. Best of luck with it!

DayTrader

Heh... you've got the AA stuff twisted but that's ok. The goal is to get sober and get happy. If RR makes more sense to you.....and it gets you to where you want to go...... then haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaave at it.

keep us posted.

Terminally Unique

Maybe it will, maybe it won't. If he reads the material, he'll soon learn that AVRT has zero tolerance for "relapses" and that the concept of "relapse prevention" is pure addictive voice, since it predicts future drinking. More than a few read that and then go out in search of an easier, softer way that doesn't require actually quitting. He did say that he couldn't afford any more "relapses," though.

DayTrader

I'd add "or doing any REAL changing."

And no, no I'm not suggesting that this is what Harambulus is trying to do. Just agreeing with TU.....

Recovery is really a one way street. You're either going the right direction or you're not. The key is to GET GOING and do SOMETHING.......and do it NOW.

IAmAbstinent

Well I've been through his flash cards and just ordered his book .

So already I have taken more direct action then I ever have to get it sorted.

Small snowflake turning into an avalanche and all that

Appreciate the encouragement

Terminally Unique

That's good, because the Beast of addiction is quite comfortable with passivity and procrastination. You'll need to actively and aggressively learn AVRT if you want to smoke it out. I recommend that you read the book, then read all of the AVRT threads in the Secular Connections forum, which explain some subtle nuances, and then read the book again, paying close attention to the exercises. You should be able to get up to speed fairly quickly this way, or at least faster then you might otherwise.