After 2 bottles a day..Im back
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
I think the easiest and best way is to simply look at your drinking record....check the scorecard.
Have you tried to quit in the past?
Were you, at the time you decided to quit, serious?
Did it work?
That was tough for me because I had never tried to quit - not for good anyway. I planned to NEVER quit. I always hoped to moderate. Quitting wasn't, in my mind, even on the table.
For the times when you were able to quit, how was it.....how'd it go? Even the hard-core alkie can stop or moderate from time to time, so the question is how are things when you're doing that? For me, moderating was damn near impossible. Once I'd start drinking it was like a vortex opened in my glass and not pouring another was almost (and usually was) impossible. When I could stay stopped for a time, slowly, quietly, it was like small weights were being piled upon me. Life would get slow, heavy, boring. I'd start to get irritable, anxious, unhappy. As much as I didn't want to drink anymore, it seemed like life without some drinking once and a while just sucked. Eventually, that load would get heavy enough and I'd figure drinking again, "just this once" would haaaave to be better. Even more sinister, I might not even think about it and, out of nowhere, I'd just start drinking again - no conscious decision that I was aware of....I'd just find myself halfway through a glass.
So.... if stopping for good isn't working, if once you start it's not possible to always control how much you drink.....and if once you DO manage some time away from booze life doesn't get better......there's a very high chance you don't just have a drinking problem, you have alcoholism.
Notice, how often you drink doesn't matter, how much you drink doesn't matter, and what you drink doesn't matter. What matters is can you control it and how you feel when not drinking. Ppl with a drinking problem find their lives start to straighten out once they put the plug in the jug. If drinking is the problem then, obviously, not drinking is the solution. Ppl with alcoholism (of my type) find that stopping solves the drink-related problems (like "no more dwi's") but, before long, a whole bunch of other stuff gets in the way, starts to weigh you down, and drinking becomes the only source of relief we know....and we drink again. For this person, not drinking is part of the solution but it's not THE solution. Not drinking doesn't treat alcoholism. Paradoxically, drinking booze actually treats alcoholism (ie, it makes all that weight seem to float away, I get happy, I feel re-invigorated, I feel alive...), just not well and not for long.
To put it simply.....we humans are smart. lol...we're going to do what makes us happy. If you can get happy by not drinking and/or making some other changes to your lifestyle, you're home free. For some of us, we can't stop and stay stopped.....and even when we can, happiness isn't the operative term for how we feel. For this group, not drinking is a start but relief only comes with real "core-recovery" - through-and-through recovery. .......and there's a big difference between "not drinking" and "recovery."
Have you tried to quit in the past?
Were you, at the time you decided to quit, serious?
Did it work?
That was tough for me because I had never tried to quit - not for good anyway. I planned to NEVER quit. I always hoped to moderate. Quitting wasn't, in my mind, even on the table.
For the times when you were able to quit, how was it.....how'd it go? Even the hard-core alkie can stop or moderate from time to time, so the question is how are things when you're doing that? For me, moderating was damn near impossible. Once I'd start drinking it was like a vortex opened in my glass and not pouring another was almost (and usually was) impossible. When I could stay stopped for a time, slowly, quietly, it was like small weights were being piled upon me. Life would get slow, heavy, boring. I'd start to get irritable, anxious, unhappy. As much as I didn't want to drink anymore, it seemed like life without some drinking once and a while just sucked. Eventually, that load would get heavy enough and I'd figure drinking again, "just this once" would haaaave to be better. Even more sinister, I might not even think about it and, out of nowhere, I'd just start drinking again - no conscious decision that I was aware of....I'd just find myself halfway through a glass.
So.... if stopping for good isn't working, if once you start it's not possible to always control how much you drink.....and if once you DO manage some time away from booze life doesn't get better......there's a very high chance you don't just have a drinking problem, you have alcoholism.
Notice, how often you drink doesn't matter, how much you drink doesn't matter, and what you drink doesn't matter. What matters is can you control it and how you feel when not drinking. Ppl with a drinking problem find their lives start to straighten out once they put the plug in the jug. If drinking is the problem then, obviously, not drinking is the solution. Ppl with alcoholism (of my type) find that stopping solves the drink-related problems (like "no more dwi's") but, before long, a whole bunch of other stuff gets in the way, starts to weigh you down, and drinking becomes the only source of relief we know....and we drink again. For this person, not drinking is part of the solution but it's not THE solution. Not drinking doesn't treat alcoholism. Paradoxically, drinking booze actually treats alcoholism (ie, it makes all that weight seem to float away, I get happy, I feel re-invigorated, I feel alive...), just not well and not for long.
To put it simply.....we humans are smart. lol...we're going to do what makes us happy. If you can get happy by not drinking and/or making some other changes to your lifestyle, you're home free. For some of us, we can't stop and stay stopped.....and even when we can, happiness isn't the operative term for how we feel. For this group, not drinking is a start but relief only comes with real "core-recovery" - through-and-through recovery. .......and there's a big difference between "not drinking" and "recovery."
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1,028
Well I don't want to give medical advice and I will only tell you what I did. I stayed away from Caffiene and anything that would stimulate my nervious system. I took a Benadryl at bed time and I made sure I had a plan if I couldn't get to sleep. I would play on my computer - like at this site or one of my favorite sites. I couldn't watch TV because that was too passive, I had to be engaged in whatever I was doing. I don't know if that helps but there is a whole list of things to do in one of the stickys at the top of this forum.
I also go to AA, don't know what you think about that or any other group type setting where you can get face to face interaction to get you out of you. Even if it's unrelated to addiction.
Hang in there, I remember sweating like crazy! Gross!!!!! I also remember not sleeping for a week for any normal amount of time and then having to take naps every day. I don't have those issues now.
I also think you should evaluate the things "Daytrader" laid out for you. Especially if you want a future happy family.
Take care.
I also go to AA, don't know what you think about that or any other group type setting where you can get face to face interaction to get you out of you. Even if it's unrelated to addiction.
Hang in there, I remember sweating like crazy! Gross!!!!! I also remember not sleeping for a week for any normal amount of time and then having to take naps every day. I don't have those issues now. I also think you should evaluate the things "Daytrader" laid out for you. Especially if you want a future happy family.
Take care.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 746
DayTrader
Thank you for a long post. I thought that drinking problem is the same as alcoholism. I am addict, I know that. The only way for me to recover is stay away from a drink. Very hard, but in a long term I will be happy.
Im not sure yet if I can be sober at the party, don't think so, but I know that Im not bringing booze home.
Thank you for a long post. I thought that drinking problem is the same as alcoholism. I am addict, I know that. The only way for me to recover is stay away from a drink. Very hard, but in a long term I will be happy.
Im not sure yet if I can be sober at the party, don't think so, but I know that Im not bringing booze home.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,385
I recommend you avoid parties for a while if you think you're going to drink HF
As for getting married - recovery gave me the chance to really know myself for the first time in my life.
I think I'm a far better human being and a definitely a far better partner now I'm sober.
You're definitely headed in the right direction HF - please do look at all your options tho.
Maybe you need more than just 'keeping busy'? I know I did.
staying sober is a lot of work but it's worth it
stay strong
D
As for getting married - recovery gave me the chance to really know myself for the first time in my life.
I think I'm a far better human being and a definitely a far better partner now I'm sober.
You're definitely headed in the right direction HF - please do look at all your options tho.
Maybe you need more than just 'keeping busy'? I know I did.
staying sober is a lot of work but it's worth it
stay strong
D
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by Healthyfood 
I thought that drinking problem is the same as alcoholism. I am addict, I know that.
Im not sure yet if I can be sober at the party, don't think so, but I know that Im not bringing booze home.
Im not sure yet if I can be sober at the party, don't think so, but I know that Im not bringing booze home.
That said, I'm confused...... you said weren't aware they're different (I assume, to acknowledge that you now understand they ARE different) then you said you're an addict? Your post talked about drinking......and I thought we were talking about drinking problem vs alcoholism. So now you're neither but you're an addict? .......or are you maybe just not sure and can't say yet? -- That's ok though, it took me a while to sort through all the lies I'd told myself to find my own truth.
Sounds like the party will be a good testing ground for you. Your mind is made up, you're convinced, you've got your will power behind you......now it's time to put it to the test. There's a line that floats around AA meetings about avoiding wet faces (ppl who still drink) and wet places (places where booze is sold). For me, being around alcohol and drinkers wasn't an issue. I've had alcohol in my house since day 1 and haven't ever been tempted to drink it ever since the compulsion to drink was removed from me as a result of getting surrendered and taking the 1st step. It's not been "tough" to not drink....I haven't had to work at, avoid booze, or any of that stuff. Your case may be different though......until (and if) you're willing to go the route I went, you may want to consider whether being around it is smart or not.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 746
Dee74
Im on day 2, I know I will relapse at the party and thats my plan. After that I will continue for 30 days and then I will decide what to do next.
My problem is drinking at home alone. Since I don't bring it home, its doable. How long are you sober?
Im on day 2, I know I will relapse at the party and thats my plan. After that I will continue for 30 days and then I will decide what to do next.
My problem is drinking at home alone. Since I don't bring it home, its doable. How long are you sober?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: toronto canada
Posts: 181
actually closet alkie.
new studies have shown that quitting drinking and cigs at the same time is beneficial.
a lot of programs recommend it.
one always seems to be a trigger for the other so quitting both makes sense.
new studies have shown that quitting drinking and cigs at the same time is beneficial.
a lot of programs recommend it.
one always seems to be a trigger for the other so quitting both makes sense.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 746
DayTrader
How did you manage to get where you are now? And having booze at home?
I don't know who I am. I like wine (white) can drink 2 bottles a day, if I don't drink for a week I feel very good. Hard for the first few days, then it gets better.
When I don't drink I am calm and nice. Like to read and do exercising. Why I can't stop? Don't know...lack of self control.
How did you manage to get where you are now? And having booze at home?
I don't know who I am. I like wine (white) can drink 2 bottles a day, if I don't drink for a week I feel very good. Hard for the first few days, then it gets better.
When I don't drink I am calm and nice. Like to read and do exercising. Why I can't stop? Don't know...lack of self control.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by Healthyfood
Im on day 2, I know I will relapse at the party and thats my plan. After that I will continue for 30 days and then I will decide what to do next.
My problem is drinking at home alone. Since I don't bring it home, its doable. How long are you sober?
Interesting test......won't tell you if you've got alcoholism or not but it's certainly a different one.
Please let us know, or send me a PM please, how it goes. If you're looking for some help on overcoming a drinking problem and you want to get and stay sober, I'll be happy to help. If that's not your plan, I can't be of any help to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 746
Dee74
5 years? Well done! So whats the magic? I really planned to be sober until party and then after that for 30 days. The thought of staying sober forever is too much at this moment.
So since you are there where I want to be. Could you please tell me how to stay sober when urge comes? What was your motivation and secret method?
5 years? Well done! So whats the magic? I really planned to be sober until party and then after that for 30 days. The thought of staying sober forever is too much at this moment.
So since you are there where I want to be. Could you please tell me how to stay sober when urge comes? What was your motivation and secret method?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,385
there's no magic HF - a lot of hard work & commitment tho.
this old post explains it better than I could now
__________________
If I wanted my life to change, I needed to make changes.
What changes are you prepared to make HF?
D
this old post explains it better than I could now
I think most folks know my story.
The turning point for me was acceptance - acceptance that I was an alcoholic - and the acceptance that I could not drink 'like everyone else'.
So I stopped drinking. I did everything I could to maintain that commitment. I still do, nearly 3 years on - every day.
I nearly died, so fear played a large part in that - I also spent a lot of time here@ SR reaching out, and a lot of time tossing and turning, kicking the walls and deliberately not going out when all I wanted was to run down the road and get a bottle.
It's not easy but I believe it is possible to do that and not give in to the inner voice. The folks here helped me immensely by giving me faith in myself when I had none.
But yeah, not drinking only got me so far. I see not drinking as only the first step in a long journey. I had to change the person I was too.
My alcoholism *became* all pervasive but I believe I *started* to drink for definite reasons - mostly to fill a void within myself.
To heal my 'void', the first step is to stop poisoning myself with drink. I then had to get into what the void was, and how best I could start healing it.
It was a paradox for me to discover that the way towards that was not by thinking more about it, but actually thinking less, and doing more.
I did a lot of service work here, and still do because it helps me to be of service and to give back after many years of taking. It also helps keep me grounded and in perspective.
I also rediscovered my spiritual side - my initial recovery was secular - just don't drink...but it's hard to ignore the wonder in this world when you really start to recover.
It's hard for me to drink when I'm connected to the world in a more than a material way, and when I'm humble and grateful for the blessings I get everyday.
You know I could go on, but that's enough really LOL.
I'm not looking to start a school - I hope my experience helps others but I'm just a guy who found what he needed because he really wanted to quit and he looked hard enough for the way that worked for him.
I encourage everyone to do that. Start the process right away tho - don't wait for 'your way' to fall into your lap - you'll only find 'your way' by going out looking for it, trying a bunch of stuff - and not drinking.
I learned from every single step on my journey - successes and mistakes, friends and foe alike.
But I always kept walking forwards, not backwards
D
The turning point for me was acceptance - acceptance that I was an alcoholic - and the acceptance that I could not drink 'like everyone else'.
So I stopped drinking. I did everything I could to maintain that commitment. I still do, nearly 3 years on - every day.
I nearly died, so fear played a large part in that - I also spent a lot of time here@ SR reaching out, and a lot of time tossing and turning, kicking the walls and deliberately not going out when all I wanted was to run down the road and get a bottle.
It's not easy but I believe it is possible to do that and not give in to the inner voice. The folks here helped me immensely by giving me faith in myself when I had none.
But yeah, not drinking only got me so far. I see not drinking as only the first step in a long journey. I had to change the person I was too.
My alcoholism *became* all pervasive but I believe I *started* to drink for definite reasons - mostly to fill a void within myself.
To heal my 'void', the first step is to stop poisoning myself with drink. I then had to get into what the void was, and how best I could start healing it.
It was a paradox for me to discover that the way towards that was not by thinking more about it, but actually thinking less, and doing more.
I did a lot of service work here, and still do because it helps me to be of service and to give back after many years of taking. It also helps keep me grounded and in perspective.
I also rediscovered my spiritual side - my initial recovery was secular - just don't drink...but it's hard to ignore the wonder in this world when you really start to recover.
It's hard for me to drink when I'm connected to the world in a more than a material way, and when I'm humble and grateful for the blessings I get everyday.
You know I could go on, but that's enough really LOL.
I'm not looking to start a school - I hope my experience helps others but I'm just a guy who found what he needed because he really wanted to quit and he looked hard enough for the way that worked for him.
I encourage everyone to do that. Start the process right away tho - don't wait for 'your way' to fall into your lap - you'll only find 'your way' by going out looking for it, trying a bunch of stuff - and not drinking.
I learned from every single step on my journey - successes and mistakes, friends and foe alike.
But I always kept walking forwards, not backwards
D
If I wanted my life to change, I needed to make changes.
What changes are you prepared to make HF?
D
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by Healthyfood
DayTrader
Could you please give me your opinion on what alcoholic is?
Could you please give me your opinion on what alcoholic is?
As for what I think, I've discussed it in this thread Healthy....
You can use or choose any definition you want, it doesn't make any difference to me what you call it, how you define it whether someone calls them-self an alcoholic who maybe isn't or if someone won't call them-self an alcoholic who really is. It's just not worth debating really.
Let's just put it this way - for me, I'm an alcoholic........ 1. drinking was killing me. 2. not-drinking was better, kinda, but not for long...and that was debatable (lol) and 3. I needed a way to live life free of booze and drugs and it had to be a style that made me happy.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 746
Dee74
What a nice post. So well written. Thank you so much.
My alcoholism *became* all pervasive but I believe I *started* to drink for definite reasons - mostly to fill a void within myself.
This is what I was looking for!!! Im void and lost therefore I drink to fulfill myself. Im doing my first step which is the beginning, just don't get booze home.
Ok, one more question. How can I find out who I really am as a person?
What a nice post. So well written. Thank you so much.
My alcoholism *became* all pervasive but I believe I *started* to drink for definite reasons - mostly to fill a void within myself.
This is what I was looking for!!! Im void and lost therefore I drink to fulfill myself. Im doing my first step which is the beginning, just don't get booze home.
Ok, one more question. How can I find out who I really am as a person?
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