Taking the next exit off the road to ruin...
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 26
Taking the next exit off the road to ruin...
I am new to this site, but not new to recovery. My 4 year stretch of sobriety was recently ceased by a very small slip. I did almost everything in my power to not slip back into old habits, but to no avail. All I wanted was to feel like a normal adult male...able to have a drink or two and chill with friends. But, once again, it become something much darker and very sad. Drinking alone became the norm again. The very least I can say is good about this particular relapse, is that I can remember the whole thing. Blackouts are scary, and it should be a cold day in hell before I would like to relive one of those.
My story is not much different than everyone else...child of alcoholics, both disappeared into their addictions, and me and my sister were left to figure out the cold, uncaring world on our own. No surprise that we both became addicts ourselves. Years go by, and I find myself a father, a drunk, and a psychological mess(depression, anxiety, social phobia) who has literally lost 10 years of his life. 3 rehabs and countless hours of AA finally opened my eyes to the glory of sobriety, and it was spectacular! To turn down a drink became a war cry to me. Trying to help other addicts and alcoholics WAS my drug. It gave me a high. I even took online classes to become an addiction counselor, that's how entrenched I was in my sobriety.
Then, you get too comfortable, and that thought of "maybe I'm not an alkie" comes into play. That mixed with hardship, heartbreak, and loneliness is quite a strong cocktail.
Needless to say, I have lost that 4 year stretch, and it didn't bother me as much as it should have, which leads me to one conclusion....I never respected my sobriety as much as I should have. I should have worked harder, respecting my disease more than I did. I did everything half assed. I would go to AA, and not get a sponsor. I took online classes, but never paid them off so I could graduate. I went to a shrink, but never took the meds. I even relapsed halfway, never getting drunk, because I never touched hard alcohol(I guess that's one good thing about my problem of not finishing things I start).
My point is that I'm new, but not so new. It doesn't matter if you have 4 days of sobriety or 4 years. We all are in the same big boat with tiny oars. I'm here for the same reasons everyone else is, for help for myself, and to maybe help others. It's hard for me to make meetings on a regular basis, and finding this site is a god send to me.
I'm glad I'm still here and I hope to make a few friends on this site. I have a lot of advice to give, but right now I think I'll concentrate on the advice that is given for now.
Thanks for listening
-Slackie
New sober date: 1/1/12
My story is not much different than everyone else...child of alcoholics, both disappeared into their addictions, and me and my sister were left to figure out the cold, uncaring world on our own. No surprise that we both became addicts ourselves. Years go by, and I find myself a father, a drunk, and a psychological mess(depression, anxiety, social phobia) who has literally lost 10 years of his life. 3 rehabs and countless hours of AA finally opened my eyes to the glory of sobriety, and it was spectacular! To turn down a drink became a war cry to me. Trying to help other addicts and alcoholics WAS my drug. It gave me a high. I even took online classes to become an addiction counselor, that's how entrenched I was in my sobriety.
Then, you get too comfortable, and that thought of "maybe I'm not an alkie" comes into play. That mixed with hardship, heartbreak, and loneliness is quite a strong cocktail.
Needless to say, I have lost that 4 year stretch, and it didn't bother me as much as it should have, which leads me to one conclusion....I never respected my sobriety as much as I should have. I should have worked harder, respecting my disease more than I did. I did everything half assed. I would go to AA, and not get a sponsor. I took online classes, but never paid them off so I could graduate. I went to a shrink, but never took the meds. I even relapsed halfway, never getting drunk, because I never touched hard alcohol(I guess that's one good thing about my problem of not finishing things I start).
My point is that I'm new, but not so new. It doesn't matter if you have 4 days of sobriety or 4 years. We all are in the same big boat with tiny oars. I'm here for the same reasons everyone else is, for help for myself, and to maybe help others. It's hard for me to make meetings on a regular basis, and finding this site is a god send to me.
I'm glad I'm still here and I hope to make a few friends on this site. I have a lot of advice to give, but right now I think I'll concentrate on the advice that is given for now.
Thanks for listening
-Slackie
New sober date: 1/1/12
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 617
Welcome! I wish you all the best on your journey! Just remember that you didn't actually lose the 4 years sober -- you need to remember them and build on them.
Remember your reasons for being sober!! You can have a wonderful, happy, sober life!!
Keep reading and posting!!
Remember your reasons for being sober!! You can have a wonderful, happy, sober life!!
Keep reading and posting!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Originally Posted by Threshold 
So glad you tuned in. Welcome back to the wagon, bumpy ride for sure, but the company is great.
BUT MAYBE YOU WOULD LIKE TO JUMP ON THIS WAGON INSTEAD:
HAPPY NEW YEARS, AND CONGRATULATIONS ON A GOOD DECISION!
FT
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by slackie
Even though AA has a very contradictory philosophy, I really have no other choice but to attend regularly. If I want to be around people with a similar mindset as mine, I have to attend.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
In all seriousness, Slackie,
You can get back on track after your slipup.
I do think there is a tendency after a few years of not drinking to "forget" that you ever had a drinking problem.
Now is the time to examine why that happened. What happened along the line where you ceased to consider yourself a "non-drinker"?
I don't attend meetings, and yet I've been a non-drinker for over 20 years. Some people benefit from attending meetings on a regular basis for life. I did attend meetings at one time. I am naturally reclusive, so it was never comfortable for me.
If you found meetings helpful, that's the first thing I would do. Head back. Make friends. Gather a supportive group of people around you who are interested in your staying sober.
I can tell you this -- it's best to not EVER consider yourself "safe". When I had orthopedic surgery a couple of years ago, I got caught up into using opiates. I learned a lot about cross addiction in the process, and I now claim my new found freedom from opiates with a renewed sense of freedom.
Don't look back at your relapse as a failure as much as a lesson learned.
Welcome back to being a non-drinker. It is so worth it.
FT
You can get back on track after your slipup.
I do think there is a tendency after a few years of not drinking to "forget" that you ever had a drinking problem.
Now is the time to examine why that happened. What happened along the line where you ceased to consider yourself a "non-drinker"?
I don't attend meetings, and yet I've been a non-drinker for over 20 years. Some people benefit from attending meetings on a regular basis for life. I did attend meetings at one time. I am naturally reclusive, so it was never comfortable for me.
If you found meetings helpful, that's the first thing I would do. Head back. Make friends. Gather a supportive group of people around you who are interested in your staying sober.
I can tell you this -- it's best to not EVER consider yourself "safe". When I had orthopedic surgery a couple of years ago, I got caught up into using opiates. I learned a lot about cross addiction in the process, and I now claim my new found freedom from opiates with a renewed sense of freedom.
Don't look back at your relapse as a failure as much as a lesson learned.
Welcome back to being a non-drinker. It is so worth it.
FT
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