stepping

Thanks raindancer and sunny

RD - glad you are feeling better RD! i go through funks too that seem to come out of nowhere. if you ever need someone to talk to, I am here. I will provide you with as much positiveness as i can makes me happy i make you happy that way

Sun - You go girl.... going to a winetap resisiting wine, I couldnt do that ...yet i bet.... but you gotta test yourself sometime...good luck, i know you can do it! have fun!!

Anyway, today wasnt as good as yesterday BUT i am not drinking bc of it. I wont let stress and the voices win! work went OK just got this idiot young guy right out of college who may be the most condescending booty I have ever met made a few remarks that upset me. But, if i drink he and the poison win and i am just way too happy and in control to allow that kind of chaos to occur.

Been so tired today. Dont know if it is WD's or just the fact that i have been getting up at 4 am for the past two days getting back into work??? Oh well this too shall pass without wine!

Have a good night all. I will type more this weekend just too tired for my own good tonight!!!

Sunny27

This too shall pas (without wine) hahahahahahaha

That made me laugh, stepping

It's hard to not fall back into the ways that were comfortable, ie. feel low, reach for the vino, but it never solved any problem so why do it?

Well done on resisting. I am so glad you did. Chat soon xx

stepping

One ...wait two goals today. Find a place to live and dont get too stressed out! i can handle this!! now with booze that would not be the issue. i am now ready for the day and all that it has to bring! just please be nice good and staying positive

Dee74

best of luck stepping

D

stepping

Well I found a place. It was bit more than I wanted to spend BUT I can afford it. I figure I need to start surrounding myself with things that make me happy and where I lay my head down at night has to be the start and the most important thing. There is a sidewalk wrapped around the complex with beautiful views of mountains one way and the city of Vegas the other way. I can see myself taking strolls there. I am really happy and felt content when I drove by and into the complex. One more thing that is going to help me stay sober! I only have a few more nights of living out of a suitcase then I will be moving into the place Friday. I cant wait to start getting back into some routine (not really routine cause that is not good for me but lets say familiar ground). If I stayed sober in a hotel all alone I can stay sober anywhere. Sleep still scares me but KNOCK ON WOOD I havent had any problems yet. My sleepy time tea and melatonin seem to be doing the trick. Plus the fact that I am exhausted from getting up at 4am. A couple more weeks and things will be "normal" and my life will just start flowing. Just have to get through all these "hic ups" first.

I have decided I am cutting all ties with the ex. He is a trigger for me. We have nothing left. I dont know why him nor I are trying to hold onto something that simply will NEVER be. That chapter needs to be closed so I can move on. I dont even love him anymore and feel like I dont even know him. I have no reason to be his friend. Its just time. I want that door closed so another one can open. Theres just no point in an "us" anymore. Its just over. thats it. done.

Think I am going to hit up an AA meeting tonight. I havent went yet but think I am ready to start. Just wish I wasnt so shy. But I have been before and know usually I am welcomed with open arms. Its worth a shot. Worse comes to worse I go to another meeting til I find my fit. or just dont go back...hope thats not the option. itll be fine. just go it couldnt hurt at all. sometimes you need that and people that can relate. look what SR got ya? yep going!

Everything is going good right now. I am really proud of myself and all that I have accomplished. After the past two weeks I am a much stronger person unfortunately the first part of that was during and involved a relapse BUT at least I gained control back. The relapse taught me a lot too. One night of drinking always leads to another in my case then I look back and months have gone by. Good thing is I never ever have to go there again. The best is yet to come. I am so excited to get to know me, the sober me. I am excited to get my relationship back with God, my friends, family, and starting new relationships..all that go on the back burner when alcohol is around. I am so excited to tstart getting healthy and giving my body time to heal. and to see what I could be if i put down the booze. its all i have known for so long. im ready to change. When alcohol is around it's all I care about. My routines revolve around it. All i do is think about it. If anything goes wrong or not as I planned I just think drink! You cant always control what life throws your way but I CAN control how I react to it. It's the new mature me. The one taking life by the horns and going with it. I CAN DO THIS!! rolling with the punches per say

Sunny27

Yes, stepping, you can do this.

So lovely to read how well you are doing. And great you have a lovely new place to look forward to moving into and making your home. Just think of all the money you will save from drinking and can put into making your home a place of relaxation and happiness.

I am so glad you are doing so well. It is so good to log on here and see others being strong.

All good this end as well. Day 7 today and very happy, too.

I feel like I am living again.

Stay in touch and well done hon

Sunny xx

stepping

Well today is the day I head to the other hotel since I am being kicked outta my comfy one for conventions coming to the area. Not sure if the hotel has internet and not sure if it is going to be quiet and just stressed like usual bc i am not in control i guess.
just want this work week to go by with staying that hotel and hurry up to friday so i can move into my new place. not drinking is going to help me a lot. just wish i could get past this funk and WAKE UP per say. its like i even feel a feverish feeling sometimes during the day???? well if i think about it. after 7 years my body only knows how to function with alcohol in it. it probably ran off of it. its gonna take time to heal. lots of time probably. BUT all i can do is one day & one step at a time. thats all i can do. do the right thing and let the rest flow. i just wanna get better!!!! BAD! I JUST WANT MY LIFE BACK to what it was 7 years prior. I once heard once your addiction starts you stop maturing makes me wonder if i am a 23 year old child stuck in a 30 year old womans body. scares me and makes me want to start living not just surviving. just wanna be happy inside and out! itll never be perfect but quiting drinking will make it better. have a good day all.

Dee74

I hope the new hotel is fine stepping
best of luck

D

Sunny27

Hiya Stepping

I know you probably don't have internet access yet, but just to say I am thinking of you and hope you are doing well.

Let us know how you are getting on when you get a chance

Sunny

stepping

Awe what a nice surprise you two didnt forget about me OMG I am SOOOOO happy to be in my apartment now and somewhat settled. This week has been a living H***. I was put in this hotel/casino and i am not kidding you guys in vegas the party never stops. I didnt attend BUT because of the noise and the only thing I know to do to knock myself out is....... drink........& I did ((( i am so ashamed and hate myself for it. But i have to be honest and know that my life was in complete chaos and now it is back on track along with my sobriety....I am so happy to be back on track and where I belong. Things are going to start looking up and it starts with me....right here...right now! I am so glad to be back to SR...I NEED YOU PPL!!!!!! HUGS AND off to night it is for me. talk to yall tomorrow )))))

Dee74

I'm glad you're in your new apartment

The only thing I used to know to do to deal with stuff was knock myself out too - there's a lot of other ways to deal with life, and you'll learn them

I hope you come to appreciate them as much as I do now Stepping

D

stepping

Hi Dee. Thank you for the kind VERY TRUE words! Today is a new day and I am back to where I belong Recovery is going to be a long ride and I am going to learn so much along the way. I am ready! The apartment is peaceful, a good place to call home (for now) I think I am going to like it here. I have a good feeling.

jocata

Glad you are still here stepping.

Have you been to any meetings lately?

God bless.

stepping

Hi Jocata! Still hanging in there. I have not been to any meetings. I had initially planned to do so BUT I bought the Rational Recovery book and just started reading it today. I am hoping it will help. I have faith. I am just trying to stay strong. I want this so bad so I just need to do it. It's just that simple at this point! On top of it all I feel like I am getting sick. Why do I always feel like this when I stop drinking? Does anyone know? Could it be related? I have had an eventful last couple weeks with high stress so I am sure that might be playing into it as well. I just need a good nights sleep without alcohol in my system! I have had enough!!!

Sunny27

Hi stepping

so good to hear form you and glad you OK It must be great to be in your new place. You have had a lot going on so I hope normality sets in soon.

In what way do you feel sick? hope you get better soon.

Keep going, we are all here for you

Sunny xx

Dee74

The consensus seems to be we give our immune system a beating when we're drinking or drugging, Stepping - I know I was often sick when I was drinking but it tended to be masked by the hangovers and the incessant state of intoxication..

take it easy and hope you feel better soon

D

stepping

Hey Dee and Sunny - I totally agree with you Dee. When I got sober for the 20 some odd days; I got sick then too. I started to feel a lot of things I never "felt" before because I was constantly either hung over or intoxicated. When drinking I figured that every ache, pain, sniffle, cough etc was blamed on being hung over when in actuality my body was trying to tell me something was wrong.....when I was really sick in reality I just blamed it on drinking too much and in turn feeling like poop. Too hung over to notice I guess. I just have to make it past this week - month (or however long detox) to get better.....because each day I do not drink I will heal and my future will start being bright. Thank you both for the concern and well wishes

stepping

Woke up SO stuffy. I am assuming maybe allergies?!!? It started yesterday and I moved into this apartment the day before. Maybe all the dust (not from my belongings of course ) has my sinuses going crazy.
Popped a Zyrtec in hope that eleviates the problem because I am NOT allowing this to bring down my sober fun filled shopping day. Today will be a good day.
I am positive and ready to accomplish things I never could before when drunk/hung over.

Alana1

Hey stepping

Stay strong ! .A.

stepping

Still trucking right along. Just want to get some stuff out and maybe get some advice/kind words from my friends

My addiction brings me to my knees & I am terrified of it.
It controls me because it is all that I have known.
I am doing fine at avoiding but the addictive voice is yelling.
Like I know I can do so good for so long and then BOOM something sets it off. Like the hotel incident, a bad day at work etc. I have no coping skills without alcohol and it is the only thing I know to turn to when things go wrong.
Drinking is not even enjoyable to me anymore. I swear it is just a numbing habit that turns my head off. I am a depressed drunk and feel like such a failure when I give in to the addiction/habit.
I honestly do not know how I can want a sober life so bad but I just keep falling off the wagon. I am the one in control of creating that life I so desperately want. I'll never be happy with drinking>>NEVER! I am not drinking today (and I wish all days were as easy as today) and that is what I just keep saying then repeating. I just get so terrified that bad day is going to come and knock me right off my path to step 1 all over again! I am just scared.

I have a quote board where I write stuff I get from here that lifts my heart. I hope you all know how much you have changed my life and will continue to change my life through this horid recovery process.

I got myself where I am today and all I can do is keep on stepping towards getting myself out of this h$$l I have created.