I was really hoping I wouldn't feel this way.
 

BUT I am. :( I really wish I could be a part of some sort of festivities but then at the same time not. I just wish this evening didn't mean so much but here we are. All it meant to me in the past was another reason to get blasted drunk.

I feel a great sadness and loss. Does that make any sense?

I can tell my husband is happy to be home. Probably happy not to be out with me wondering what embarrassing amount of alcohol I would drink or what I would do. Can't blame the poor guy.

So now what? In the future what do we do on NYE? I don't want to be depressed. I know I am, all the signs are here. Didn't shower, sitting in my room, general sadness, hearing all the fireworks is killing me. I just want this night to be over.

A few tears and some food for me tonight. Yes I'm not having a NYE Party I'm having a NYE Pitty Party. :(

I do sincerely hope everyone has a great 2012 though. Just want this night to be over.

I had a lovely quiet night watching DVDs with the boy. No desire to party.

Last year I was climbing the walls.

It gets better. It gets easier. Hang in there.

Stu.

(((1undone)))

It's true, it will not feel like this forever 1undone. I think all the 'firsts' are very difficult. Holidays, vacas, birthdays, - all we've known is celebrating with alcohol. We're having to figure out a new way of enjoying things. I admit I felt very sorry for myself on holidays in the beginning, but it all changed. You are normal. It will get better - promise. :)

Hi,
I was sad to read your post. This is my second NYE without booze and your post has me wondering if I felt sad last year. Could you try to accept that you aren't drinking tonight and make the best of it. Do something nice like take a long hot bath and curl up with a book? Or movies and popcorn? It may sound lame but it is what it is.
Whatever you decide, feel pride in your decision to stay sober and feel great when you wake up New Years Day.
:)

Im feeling the same in a way. Its hard to think everyone else is out having fun but Im not allowed to. Of course it wouldnt be fun for anybody if I was loose as a goose out there. My wife is happy cause she knows I will be good tonight. At least I will not be hungover tomorrow. I plan to really enjoy the 1st of the year, a day I usually sleep/puke through :)

(((1undone)))
 

Aww, I can totally relate! I'm only on day 4 and I feel punished by not being able to drink tonight. I'm doing my best not to listen to the lies.

Remind yourself about how you're taking care of yourself. No hangover tomorrow. No wasted money. No walk of shame trying to piece together what you did and praying you didn't hurt anyone.

Pulling for all of us tonight!!!!!!
Hugs!

Forced myself to at least join the rest of my family. I hate "firsts" by May they will all be OVER! Christmas didn't bother me this much. Odd.

This is my first sober NYE too. Feeling ok, but a little anxious. We have friends over, kids are playing, etc..I admit this is difficult. Im going to make the best of it and not drink thats for sure.

Day 61 for me. I will just think of all the old New Years Days and remember how horrible I felt. That should help. Tomorrow we will all feel great.

We can do this!

The fantasy that we could just have fun tonight, drink, and have a good time with no consequences. Of course the night would go perfect too in our fantasy.

Or

We live the reality of how we would have already drank too much from the night before. We would still be lying in the bed nursing the hangover or already drinking ourselves into oblivion for the "sweet NYE party." All we are missing is another opportunity to hurt ourselves or our loved ones.

Take it easy tonight and enjoy being conscious enough to remember the new year!

Nirvana, that what makes it so bitter- sweet. My mind is addict mind is thinking I should be doing something but the rational knows better and I'm doing the right thing. I do have to acknowledge a loss as it really feels that way. I will get through, just need support.

I'm right there with ya.... The voice has me ******* pissed, about to go out to my garage chew on some nails :lala or beat the **** outta something. A couple of old friends are having a get together, but I know that if I went over there, there could be the same drinkers from my past show up... :gaah

I know I will make it through this as well, I have to, but :gaah :gaah and :gaah

I guess I was lucky in that I got sober in April - by NYE, I knew in my bones alcohol had nothing good left for me.

It still took me some time tho to work out I could still have fun, and still be with people - I just couldn't drink.

Sometimes that means changing hang outs, or activities, sometimes changing friends, but it's possible to have sober fun - just remember back to before we started drinking or drugging :)...

Takes a little more effort and imagination than just opening a bottle maybe, sure - but it's worth it, I think :)

D

Wow, yeah... Just like undone said, I really did not expect this; My heart's racing and I'm sweating just like back in week 1&2 (maybe not quite that bad). I'll probably take a shower and see if there is a meeting go on around here.

I'm having a lot of trouble with that, myself, right now.. I have fun, but not wild crazy party fun when I don't drink. I feel great about it the next day, but.. I just don't think I'm a fun person when I don't drink.. It's tough to get past.

i feel the same way 1undone, i was feeling it more lastnight though. i was trying to post about it, but just sat there blank because i couldnt put it into words. im staying home tonight (its only 7pm here) and for the new year i decided to rearange my room. took me like 3 hours!! and now im just too exhaused to even care its new years! LOL

Here this!!! For as long as I remember myself partying, I only had fun when I drink. If for some reason (like being broke) I am not drinking, I stay home. Therefore for me, party days are DONE!!!:c021:

I will be picking up my sons from a teen getogether at 1:00 am. Me!!!!! I hope I get stopped and I am 100 percent sober!!!! No officer I have NOT been drinking.... LOL! my wife can stay warm while I taxi drive late nite for once!

If the police would have pulled me over just earlier, I could pass the breathalyzer with ease. 'I' had gone bonkers and should not have even left the house. Thank God that craving passed now I feel completely wore out. Happy flippin' new years :whoop LOL

Give it time SCD - It took some time for me to learn who sober me was again, and even more time than that to be comfortable with sober me.

I can party anytime anywhere now - but honestly? I don't often feel the urge anymore.

I've changed and my idea of fun has changed too - that might have something to do with me being in my mid 40s tho :)

I'm sure you'll hear from some sober party animals here tho ;)

D

I'm kind of low at the moment myself, which surprises me because I felt great all through the holidays this year. I definitely think it's because of NYE..... I'm alone most of the time and it doesn't bother me at all, but it always feels weird to be alone on a holiday.

Don't worry - it won't be too long before tomorrow's here and everyone's trying to get back to normal. Say a prayer for the alcohols who are drinking tonight..... they have a hard road ahead of them.

Thanks for the post!

Thanks for all the empathy and kind words. Feeling a bit better today but at midnight last night when I didn't dance with my husband the way he wanted me to the strain in my marriage slapped me in Face so to speak. Should be an interesting year.:tapping

Yeah, well that's the interesting and sometimes scary part of recovery. We find out things that we've been running away from for a long time. I wasn't expecting that to happen and it took me by surprise. The thing is, you can and will get through this, no matter what happens. :)

I dont know how often you drank, but if you think about it, to most of us NYE,was taking place every evening.. it was to me, it is normal to feel like this, you are mourning the loss of a poison. Weird to say, but true, i am new to sobriety too, and i felt angry last night, but if you keep telling yourself you are going to feel better with each day, you are fragile, and need to take care, but stay strong, hugs to you, i bet you feel better this morning though?:

you will never find true peace and happiness in the external world..
it comes from within hence the expression ...fathom yourself

You know, I think that society has made Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years into a big lie for a lot of us. For instance, in commercials they always have big families and friends drinking, eating, and having a great time - with lots of present, ofcourse. Real life for a lot of us is not that reality. I was not lonely or sad (I kept waiting to feel that way) but I am so glad that I don't have to go through all that with a plastic smile on my face, with a drink in my hand.
Don't get me wrong, I spent Thanksgiving with good friends out on a ranch, and Christmas was spent at my adult daughter's home. New Years? That evening never meant much to me (although I never had a worse hangover in my life one of them - Harvey Wallbangers - I was 21 and thought I had found heaven's answer to happiness and fun - still can't drink orange juice.)

Anyway, realistically there are families homeless, starving, cold and scared. I am no saint, and I have to remember this constantly, but we are so lucky to have what we have. For me, the biggest gift is sobriety....and a sober New Years Day (although I was a little bit of a slacker). I am not in jail for a dui, I have no fences to mend, and I know just what I did over the holidays. Not a bad way to start the New Year, you know? (P.S. Yeah, I still feel sorry for myself some times, but gratitude is beginning to take over, once I realized how sick and twisted alcohol whacked out my perception of reality.) Best wishes to everyone for a new and sober 2012. Much love.