Day 7...what's it all for?
 

I am really trying to stay positive. I know that sobriety is the best way for me to live my life but now I need some help understanding what my new reward will be. In my 20's I was a weekend binge drinker worked all week and got drunk every sat night as a reward for all my hard work. Late 20's I got drunk nearly every weekend as a reward for all my hard work as a stay at home mom. Then my 30s brought nightly drinking as a relaxation reward for being a mom. I know the reward should just be being a mom. So now everyone please help me find a new way to reward myself. Healthy living is definitely one but I just wonder what is all my work for? I wish I could just drink like my husband. He has control, no guilt and no hangovers. I wish I could be normal but I was hiding alcohol the last few months. Pretending I didn't drink 6 but only 3. I wish I was normal.

Congrats on the 7 days - you're doing great!!! You should feel very proud of yourself. :a122:

Please don't be so hard on yourself and expect too much from yourself and your life right now. You're on the right track and still so early in your sobriety. Over the next few months, aspects of your life will change and you'll slowly settle into your new, happy sober life.

In the meantime, keep doing your usual things/duties as a mom etc... AND add in some activities that you like to do. Try to remember back to earlier hobbies you liked, pick up a book, rent movies, go to sleep earlier, go for a walk, play a game with your kids, make a special meal, read and post on SR (very helpful), etc...

Don't put pressure on yourself to know how everything is going to be in the future....just find ways to enjoy each day as much as you can right now. The big picture will slowly reveal itself.

Another tip is to practice gratitude. Make sure to visit the threads on gratitude. You'll see your life in an much softer, sweeter light!!

Keep posting and letting us know how you're doing :)

p.s. Do you have any plans for a special, sober NYE? It may lighten your mood to plan something fun... No need to feel bummed out - YOU'RE SOBER BECAUSE YOU CHOOSE TO BE!!!

I'm going to play games and watch movies with the kids, eat yummy snacks and bang pots and pans at midnight while enjoying sparkling apple juice. I don't know how old your boys are, but if they're old enough they may get a kick out of banging the pans LOL. If they're too young then you get to plan a wonderful adult evening - good movies, snacks and watching the ball drop all while sober and curled up on the comfy sofa.

Think about how incredible Jan. 1st will feel !! :)

Alcohol is not a reward to an alcoholic. It is the key to the gates of hell. Stop romanticizing drinking alcohol. Just because your husband drinks like a non-alcoholic doesn't mean there is anything special about being able to drink alcohol responsibly. If you were allergic to peanuts, knowing if you ate a peanut butter sandwich you would be in the hospital, would you be asking these same questions? Would you wonder why you can't reward yourself with a peanut butter sandwich after a hard day at work?

You're doing the right thing by staying sober. I think we get used to the immediate gratification of drinking, so it's really hard at first to wait for the rewards of living sober - they come with time.

Right now, your reward for not drinking for a week is probably mainly physical. You don't have a hangover and you're starting to feel better. This can be a dangerous time - lots of people drink at this point because the physical symptoms have gone away and yet you're still in the grips of the disease. It was really hard for me to get past that point. The bad memories of drinking only take you so far in sobriety.

So this is where your support system gets really important. Reading your first posts can be helpful as a reminder why you're doing this. Do you have any other kind of community support besides SR? Are you making plans to help you get through the tough times?

The rewards of sobriety take a bit to start accumulating, but they snowball just like anything else. With time, you'll be rewarded even more physically, but also financially, intellectually and spiritually and in your relationships with your family. It's worth fighting to stay on the path.

You are normal. hug

Celebrate this year with the new you hug

I know this sounds dorky, but living a sober life really is it's own reward to me.

I look back at the way I used to live and the way I used to be, and I'm grateful for the peace and happiness I have now.

Suki's right about alcohol not being a reward - not for people like us.

There's many other way to reward yourself - some people treat themselves to candy, others exercise & get the endorphins going, others watch a funny movie - why not save all the money you'd usually spend on booze and buy yourself something nice?

D

Well done for getting to day 7!:a122:

In my experience, I know my parent's choices had a major impact on my life. I remember when I was 2 years of age....I'll be 51 in April.

Congratulations on Day 7.
Part of recovery is changing habits, changing the tone of your life, changing your thinking. Sit down and write down new rewards for yourself. Leave booze out of this. Don't even consider the thought, or feel 'deprived' or sad because you can't use it as a reward. This is a new life, a new year, a new way to think of a new you. Forget booze.
Drinking is for babies.
I've been saving my money instead of buying booze. I've saved for a leopard gecko and equipment, got my nails done, bought a new purse, new comforter, oh, and I moved 1400miles that took alittle...LOL...there are SO many ways to reward yourself.
I understand it's only been a week for you but changing how you think about things will really be beneficial to your recovery.
I don't know how old your boys are but if I were you I'd enjoy every precious second with them -enjoy their company, bask in the sunshine they emit. Believe me, I speak from experience...
Happy new year.

Thanks so much for the advice.
 

Thank you "sadsoul2011" January 1st feels awesome. You are so right as I am very hard on myself in every aspect of life, especially as a Mother.
And I am enjoying each day so far clear and without a hangover, I must admit it feels great. I am taking my older boys to the movies now, we havent been since July.
Happy start to 2012!!

Congratulations on 7 days - fantastic start :)

Keep posting, growing, crying, laughing, singing, playing, working, frowning smiling, and being grateful that you can.

When you get rid of the dis-ease, you are back to just ease.

You're so welcome :) ! I'm glad you you're doing so well! Sounds like you're a great mom!! Hope you enjoyed the movie. Make sure to let us know how you're doing! :)

Not ending up in scary/embarrassing situations or blacking out and engaging in unacceptable behavior could be a reward.

Hi MO3B - 7 days is wonderful! Congratulations. It gets easier and harder - but you will get though it. I finally came here when I started sneaking drinks (run in the plastic cup while I sat with my girls waiting for them to fall asleep) etc.

How will it be worth it? Well sometimes it feels like it's not and it's a tough time you have to get through. but then on the other side is some pretty cool stuff. I never would have guessed that I would have been riding a Razor scooter at a county park on New Years Day and be enjoying it. My 10 year old twins thought it was great that I was there spending time with them and I was enjoying it also. It's those times that I have to remind myself that if I was still drinking I probably would not have felt good enough to do it.

And really it's the nightly relief of not having to sneak drinks, think about when I'm going to get another one in, not think about "did I tuck that wine bottle deep enough into the recyclable bin etc" It's that stress that's gone in my life. I'm at 60 days and I have to remind myself that it was a nightly stress.

I wish I was like others too and could drink only now and then but I can't so now I want to be one of those Moms who stops drinking so other Moms can look at me and think "wow I wish I could stop drinking like her"

Hang in there - I hope the movie was good. I had to see the Chipmunk movie (God awful) with my girls but got to see Sherlock with my son (which was pretty good).

Hang in there - it gets easier - by day 30 or so I didn't think about drinking every hour and now go for long stretches of time without thinking about it.

Also now the Holidays are over (thank God) and all the drinking pressure should back off.

Hug those little men of yours
Terri

You're worth it! :)