Petewill

hello,
All this in just almost 90 days of sobriety.. i am at wits end with everything at the moment, can't get something to work with my web design job, can't find the right people to play music with, don't have a significant other to bring in the new year with, lonely, pissed off.... wow, i think that's it for now. like i shared on a previous post the other day, I am going to meetings, talking with my sponsor, doing the step work... (very hard to do) I just don't like all this frustration and it seems like my brain is just going faster and faster. I have been sober before, but this just sucks.... basically, I am not seeing enough or any results at all, and I know that drinking not going to do anything, but it can temporarily make me feel better, stupid, i know... ughhhh

suki44883

What you are experiencing is called dealing with life on life's terms. We all have times like these, but, as you say, drinking won't change anything. You'll still have the same problems when you sober up, if you do sober up. We can't all run for the shelter of mind-numbing substances when things are difficult. It's time to grow up and learn to deal with life as it comes. One step at a time.

doggonecarl

Milestones are rough for some folks. These are the last throes of the Beast, your addiction. It is fighting for its life; you must fight for yours. This will pass and you will look back and wonder, "Why was I making such a big deal out of all that little stuff." I promise.

Lost3000

Hey Pete, hang in there. 90 days seems like a long time to me, and I think of you as a total inspiration.

soberjim

Petewill... I wish I could offer you some good advice; however as I am new to recovery I don't have much insight and cannot truly get what you are going through.

It is good that you posted rather than have a drink. Obviously there is a good part of you that wants to maintain your sobriety. Listen to that part, and not the part that wants you to drink. Do you really, I mean really, want to have another day 1. That part I get cause i've had many. You now if you take that drink you will be disappointed in yourself. You don't really want to go there.

I am truly envious of your 90 days. WHAT A SUCCESS! Please make it 100 days. Do whatever works for you so you don't go back.

Jim

Shining~Again

I'm cheering you on with everyone else.
It's a rough time...it will pass.
You know this. Some days I grit my teeth and curl up, negative thoughts all over the place.

It sucks. Always passes tho'! The great thing about tomorrow is today will be over with.
Er...that is meant in a uplifting way. :-)

Hang in there. Life doesn't stay stagnant for long periods.

Nirvana1

What you are doing and going through is what we call "putting in the work" of recovery. They don't call it "enjoying the fun" because it is not always fun, especially in early sobriety. I had to put in countless months of work before I started reaping the benefits.

You are dealing with stresses and situations you probably never had to deal with because you were drunk instead. Life can seem boring because you are trading the "ups and downs" of the drinking life for a more even-keeled lifestyle. While you are not going to be out of control drunk on NYE "having fun", you also aren't going to have to deal with all the consequences of that lifestyle.

I hope you can make it through and trust all of us that have been there that it's the truth.

soap

as someone who has gotten to 90 days and relapsed a few times, i would suggest sticking w/ it for a few months longer and see if things are different. a couple more months can't hurt, right. because after the initial buzz of relapse wears off, you will be left wondering why.... and just wish that you hadn't quit at 90. all the problems that caused you to quit will come rushing back in a symphony of regret. and who knows, maybe during this relapse, alcohol gets a hold of you worse than before. it could be years before you quit again...

Petewill

Thanks for the responses...I have done this many times before, and know it just gets worse and worse....it just sucks right now, maybe i need to get my head examined, actually - that's next wednesday, with my therapist....

Rugby8

I made it to 90 and everything was going great. My problem is I thought I could control it by just drinking a little. Pfffffft. Yeah sure. That went right down the tubes and even stopped going to meetings because I was coaching at same time they were held.

I now know that one drink... one SIP... starts the downward spiral for me.

DayTrader

Absolutely 100% common sense to me Pete..... if it was just drinking/alcohol that was your problem, everything would be fine when you stopped drinking. If alcoholism is your problem, then what happens we give up the one thing that treats alcoholism - DRINKING.

Of course, there's always recovery....that treats it much better It sounds like you're making a run at that too so perhaps some patience is on order? And I don't say that lightly. I spent a LOOONG time pissed of that I wasn't doing better than I was. I had always felt "behind," even when I was working through recovery. I wanted it faster, now, and better than I was getting it. I was afraid a lot that I wasn't progressing/improving quickly enough. Turned out, that was just another little trick my alcoholism likes to use on me.....to make me feel bad......and to get me to say "F-it, might as well drink." I did a LOT of praying for patience..... the kicker is though, when I prayed for it I seemed to keep getting "opportunities to practice patience" and not so much a magic-wand fix.

Dee74

congrats on 90 days Pete.

You know throwing the towel in would solve nothing. You'd simply be back at square one, decide you need to quit again, and have to face this problem again like you have before.

The way through this has to be forward, not back, Pete.

I'm not a doctor but a lot of people have particular trouble around milestones...I have no idea whether you have PAWS or not, but I think there are some helpful ideas in this link, regardless:

PAWS « Digital Dharma

D

OCDDan

yea, i wanna drink too, but then i'll go crazy drinking, maybe get some aderols and really go nuts, get a few bruises, maybe dui, well you know the rest..

him

im going on my 5th day of sobriety once again but i know that it will get better as time goes on..i know how you feel i was sober for 5 months last time.. been doing alot of soul searching and reconnecting to family members and back to aa and finally doing it right.. so im cheering you on pete...
ive also lost my significant other due to my drinking.. but i couldnt keep someone with me being lost as i was, i know she is better off without me.. hang it there.. we are in the same boat with you and here for you..

soberlicious

I love this outlook. When I find myself frustrated, irritated, etc. I always try to bring it back to an opportunity to practice. Just knowing it will pass through has helped me so much. Allowing it to pass through takes practice. Circumstances in life are impermanent so says the Buddha...hang in there, Petewill. Things get so much better. I promise.

Petewill

Thank you all very much for the support, I went to 2 meetings this evening, then went to eat with fellow addicts from my homegroup. I shared at both meetings about wanting to relapse tomorrow. Boy, I got an getting an earfull by alot of people, well, friend's that i have made at my homegroup. They suggested I do some service work for the all day and night meeting for new years. I am contemplating this or go to a party, that I know that there will be alcohol and drugs at.. (now, this is starting to sound stupid, the fact that I would even still consider going to this party that will have the alcohol and the drugs.) Yes, I know what the right thing to do is to just deal with this, but I am worried that It won't be any better, just pain without the alcohol, that's what I feel I have to look forward to in recovery. I had 18 months clean and I was working the steps before, however, my resentments outweighed my recovery. I do not want to live like that again. . sorry, rambling..

recoverywfaith

Good you went to a meeting...such an inspiration. Have you heard of getting rid of old, people, places and things i.e. old stomping grounds and people that are not good for your recovery (using drugs and alcohol)? Maybe stick with your AA buddies?

jocata

Pete, click on the link that Dee gave you. It has some very helpful info in it. Hang in there.
God bless.

JimH

The Link by Dee earlier is a good one.
It's exactly what I wound up with

CaiHong

Thanks Pete for starting this thread, not a happy camper myself, 7 months sober yesterday and feeling confused with my mood swings.

I read the link Dee and I found it very helpful. I have been concerned about my sugar intake and that may be having more of an effect than I realized or that things that normally **** me off and I would drink over have not gone away and I have to deal with them.
Personally I feel stronger at 7 months than I would have at say 3 months, to deal with these problems. Yesterday i was so irritable I made a list of things to do and I did them irritably. I sat down this morning to check my list and found I had done all the things on the list irritably but they did get done. I made a new list today one of the things was to learn how to do something new (for me)on the computer. Three hours later I learnt how to download my photos from the camera, name them create a folder store them and then use one of the photos for my avatar. I have been going to learn to do this for years. Once I decided to do it, I could do it myself in 3 hours. Never if I was still drinking.

I am still in a foul mood and am resisting going back to bed and watching 20 episodes of a crappy TV show. I will soldier on with the list, buy lots of red flowering plants and plant them.
Pete I am determined not to pick up a drink no matter how bad I feel. I am waiting for the wind to change so to speak as it will.

Hang in there
CaiHong