Finally Done This Time!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 553
Finally Done This Time!!!
Hi -
New here....figure it's time to get in on the posting action.
I'm on my 9th day sober AGAIN! Tried numerous times to quit on my own, went to outpatient treatment last year, relapsed, went back to outpatient again about three months ago, relapsed, checked myself into inpatient and yea! Finally 45 days sober in a row. Most I've had in about 12 years.
Then the weirdest thing happened....at about day 35, I started to get this nagging feeling. I was feeling soooo much better, the anxiety and depression left for the most part, and I lost 15lbs. Then the nagging feeling that life is boring without drinking and I'm totally missing out. It was almost like things were going TOO well and there wasn't any chaos in my life so I wanted to create some. This built up for about a week until SNAP!!! I had a particularly annoying day of work and drove straight to a bar to have a couple.
Right before xmas, I took a look back at the prior two weeks and wanted to smack myself. In two weeks, TWO WEEKS!! I had gone from those first two glasses of wine back to 3 bottles a day. When I realized that, I stopped again and went through a hell of a hangover for 4 days.
I don't ever want to go through that again! It really is like starting over and the withdrawals are SOOO much worse after you quit. I decided I needed to step it up a little on the meetings, step work, sponsorship, recovery reading, ANYTHING that will get this to not only sink in (it has), but stick in my thick and stubborn head. I know what to watch for now if I start getting squirly (I think) Anyways, thanks for reading and if you have any good recovery book recommendations, I'm taking them!
New here....figure it's time to get in on the posting action.
I'm on my 9th day sober AGAIN! Tried numerous times to quit on my own, went to outpatient treatment last year, relapsed, went back to outpatient again about three months ago, relapsed, checked myself into inpatient and yea! Finally 45 days sober in a row. Most I've had in about 12 years.
Then the weirdest thing happened....at about day 35, I started to get this nagging feeling. I was feeling soooo much better, the anxiety and depression left for the most part, and I lost 15lbs. Then the nagging feeling that life is boring without drinking and I'm totally missing out. It was almost like things were going TOO well and there wasn't any chaos in my life so I wanted to create some. This built up for about a week until SNAP!!! I had a particularly annoying day of work and drove straight to a bar to have a couple.
Right before xmas, I took a look back at the prior two weeks and wanted to smack myself. In two weeks, TWO WEEKS!! I had gone from those first two glasses of wine back to 3 bottles a day. When I realized that, I stopped again and went through a hell of a hangover for 4 days.
I don't ever want to go through that again! It really is like starting over and the withdrawals are SOOO much worse after you quit. I decided I needed to step it up a little on the meetings, step work, sponsorship, recovery reading, ANYTHING that will get this to not only sink in (it has), but stick in my thick and stubborn head. I know what to watch for now if I start getting squirly (I think) Anyways, thanks for reading and if you have any good recovery book recommendations, I'm taking them!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 92
Hi Inca,
I'm three minutes from day four, so I'll step back for the more experienced folks after I first say that your determination is impressive and inspiring. You came back and are trying again, adding new tools and learning from your slips. While asking for help your post helps me realize what might trip me up down the line. thank you for posting.
I'm three minutes from day four, so I'll step back for the more experienced folks after I first say that your determination is impressive and inspiring. You came back and are trying again, adding new tools and learning from your slips. While asking for help your post helps me realize what might trip me up down the line. thank you for posting.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,247
Hi inca...Welcome to SR. 45 days is an accomplishment! Thank you for posting. Many individuals say the same as you. The starting over process being worse after having a certain number of days without alcohol.
I have only been here since November and am new to recovery, but have found many of the posts useful and enlightening. Many posts made by different individuals say the same thing so you will see yourself in these posts.
As for books, well there ones most commonly mentioned in the forums are the big book, rational recovery, and the easy way to stop drinking. I also recently read a book by Caroline Knapp called drinking: a love story which was good.
Keep reading and posting. Lots of support here.
Jim
I have only been here since November and am new to recovery, but have found many of the posts useful and enlightening. Many posts made by different individuals say the same thing so you will see yourself in these posts.
As for books, well there ones most commonly mentioned in the forums are the big book, rational recovery, and the easy way to stop drinking. I also recently read a book by Caroline Knapp called drinking: a love story which was good.
Keep reading and posting. Lots of support here.
Jim
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 879
Hi inca. Good job on your realizations about sobriety. I know I don't have another "do-over" in me. I am so very thankful to be sober~over 9 mo now.
Your plan sounds good, extra meetings & reading, etc. I think it also can help to keep a notebook or even just a couple note cards with you that have your own personal notes about alcoholism with you. It can be inspirational stuff or even just notes on the horrors of your last drunk or withdrawal...
Best wishes to you for a sober 2012
Your plan sounds good, extra meetings & reading, etc. I think it also can help to keep a notebook or even just a couple note cards with you that have your own personal notes about alcoholism with you. It can be inspirational stuff or even just notes on the horrors of your last drunk or withdrawal...
Best wishes to you for a sober 2012
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 553
Thanks guys for all the support. I know I'll be visiting here often. I have read many posts and always learn something insightful and enlightening.
As for books...I do have the Big Book which I have read cover to cover, and Caroline Knapp's book "A Love Story" is great. I really seem to enjoy the memoirs as I can see a part of me in all of them. Saturation by Jennifer Place is a favorite of mine. The amount of detail and insanity she goes into about addiction and her relapses is heartbreaking and really makes you think. I have to wonder if non addicts pick up these books and think "I don't get it" but I totally relate.
Again thanks for the warm welcome!
As for books...I do have the Big Book which I have read cover to cover, and Caroline Knapp's book "A Love Story" is great. I really seem to enjoy the memoirs as I can see a part of me in all of them. Saturation by Jennifer Place is a favorite of mine. The amount of detail and insanity she goes into about addiction and her relapses is heartbreaking and really makes you think. I have to wonder if non addicts pick up these books and think "I don't get it" but I totally relate.
Again thanks for the warm welcome!
Re-Tread
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Meditation
Posts: 1,300
Hi, I relapsed again and still feel hungover and withdrawing its been a week. Good news is this will be my first sober new years in 20 years. Looks like we are in the same boat so lets keep rowing!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Well, now you know for sure where it leads Inca. This never has to happen to you again. You'll know enough to not sabotage yourself by thinking you can have 'a couple'. No such thing as a couple for us. Life is not more fun or exciting when we numb ourselves with alcohol - that's just a lie we've told ourselves.
You sound ready to do this Inca, and we are here for you to lean on. 2012 can be your year of getting healthy again - you don't need that poison. Congrats on your 9 days!
You sound ready to do this Inca, and we are here for you to lean on. 2012 can be your year of getting healthy again - you don't need that poison. Congrats on your 9 days!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
