Hi Action -
Have you ever gone back and read your posts from the beginning? It might help you just to reread about the times you've been at this point, gotten sober, and picked up again.
Unless something changes, the addicted part of you is going to keep buying into the idea that alcohol has something to offer you, that you can somehow make this work.
I wish I was one of those guys that get drunk at night and stop.
The problem with us is that there is no "stop." Have you ever reached a point of satisfaction once you started drinking?
We all want to be sober when we're sick and suffering. You just need to make the connection between what you're going through right now and the first drink. You're signing up for another round (of the same or worse) the minute you decide to open the bottle. Guaranteed.
You don't want to stop (who does?)....... do it any way.