Music man

I've committed to myself that I've quit for good. It's been over 3 weeks since I drank. For some reason it feels like I'm waiting till I can drink again.
I know I'm done but the back of my mind is telling me when this is over we're gonna get wasted.

Almost like I'm in jail waiting to get out. Is my mind against me?

Ghostlight

I've had that same feeling when I first got sober. Sometimes it led to a drink, sometimes not.
Believe me, these thoughts will passs the longer you stay sober. Then, a drink will be the furthest thing from your mind.

Congratulations on three weeks, and hang in there.

FT

Yes, of course "it" is against you. I think the division of the ego from the super-ego becomes particularly evident in recovery from drugs and alcohol. Most of the rest of the time, the basal urges just hum along in the background. You know they're there, but they don't bug you unless you start wanting chocolate or something (ha!).

Seriously, though. Quitting alcohol and drugs is truly a re-definition of yourself as a non-drinker or non-substance-abuser. When you quit, either you become a non-drinker or you don't.

If you don't become a non-drinker, you are just waiting for your next drink. You are a "paused" drinker, so to speak. You are still a drinker, waiting, waiting.

I did that gig a long time before I eventually became a non-drinker. The discovery of your new identity -- which may sound silly, but it happened to me -- is almost like a rebirth in some ways. Suddenly, new avenues open before you. You are free!

If you are like many of us, you lived your life around alcohol or the acquisition of it. You didn't go places or do things unless alcohol was there. You missed out, seriously.

I think there is a sort of limbo period before the new identity sets in. You're not sure you like this new place you find yourself in. The fit doesn't feel right, at least not yet.

I hope you get through this without relapsing. Think about it. Maybe check out some of the threads about the "Addictive Voice", because that's really what you are hearing. The noise in the background.

Good luck! It's worth it to wait this out. These are normal things you are feeling. The Addictive Voice never leaves you, it just becomes more noise and less persuasive, and eventually it's just part of the hum in the background. Being a non-drinker is actually pretty damn cool.

FT

Itchy

Congrats on the three weeks! That is great! I think we all get those feelings because our bodies and minds are accustomed to not drinking at certain times but always coming back after work on the weekends etc. It took me a year or more for me to stop thinking I was in a hurry to do and see stuff when I retired my first time at 45. I was feeling like I was on vacation and would have to go back to work in two weeks or a month at most because for decades that is what I did. When I got those feelings I laughed at myself, I certainly did not go back to work!

Let me say that again. Just because my mind and body were prepped for me to go back to work, and I would have the feeling I Needed to hurry, did not make me take action on that thought! When I quit drinking I didn't obsess on what I was missing. Maybe those cravings I said I never really had were nothing to me because I laughed at myself when a stray brain cell fired about drinking. Batted aside and laughed at.

Here's the deal. I have complete control over my sobriety. None when I take the first drink. That is why I will never take the first drink. It makes no sense, my situation is different and I am not threatened by it or obsessing over it. No more than I did work when I retired.

Retired I could think about what happened at work like I can think about how I enjoyed drinking early on before it became mandatory for me. I don't want to go back to it any more than I want to go back to work for someone else! It took me a year to not have that reflex in retirement, and about six months when I quit drinking. I take back all my statements about not having cravings, I think I did! I just laughed at them, they had no power over me, not even to scare me or tempt.

Deep down, I had nothing to struggle against but some physical withdrawal and healing that takes months perhaps for some years. My mind was made up. Conversation with self: Drink? Naaaa. I retired from drinking awhile ago brain! LOL you are acting on an old encoded brain cell so erase it for other uses, I don't drink, remember? LOL!

You are waiting to go back as a reflex, but you are now in a different state. Retired (from drinking) I could have gone back to work, but I had another reality to explore, like sobriety!

Impurrfect

Congratulations on 3 weeks!! I had similar feelings when I began recovery. I promised myself that I would put everything I had into recovery for 6 months. At the end of that time, if I felt the need to pick back up, then I would.

I don't think I even got to the 6 month mark when I realized I had NO desire to go back. I do think, however, at one month I was still thinking "okay, just 5 more months and I can pick up", so it wasn't an instant thing.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Dee74

I drank for 20 years HWF.

For a long time after I quit, there was a part of me that felt like sobriety was not quite real...and there was a part of me that still thought about drinking, for sure.

For me the key was not only to stop drinking - but to build a new life where I would be happy and content not drinking.

Some people use a recovery group like AA or SMART to gain that, some seek counselling, others find a spirituality or some other kind of fundamental meaning to their lives...

Whatever you do, the point is...if we're happy and content being sober...drinking loses its pull, it's power.

It can take some time building new lives though

3 weeks is great but it's just the start of the journey - keep working on that new life and give it some time HWF

D

Itchy

Dee! I can't believe what you look like when you shave your beard, mustache, face, ears, nose, neck, and body!

GirlFromCO

I think it's natural at first to feel that way. That's where one day at a time comes from. You put off making the decision to drink with the hopes you'll be more rational later on... Sometimes I had to do ten minutes at a time or one hour at a time, but eventually I got to a place where I was more comfortable with the idea of not drinking. I still can't tell myself forever - it brings up the same panicky feelings as it did before. Now, I say one year at a time, lol.

Ghostlight

Just remember to think that first drink through to the end.
I've never started drinking when my goal wasn't to get drunk, then the next day, the terrors: anxiety depression withdrawal. All for a drunk.

Think that drink through!

Best to you.