I made it 7 days
 

The last time I posted was last week Wednesday, I was afraid I would not make it 7 days sober. In the past 12 or 13 years, I have never been able to do it. This year I did it, and my 7th day was Christmas. I'm now working on day 9. My first attempt at getting sober was 12 years ago, and I have failed at every attempt since then. I rarely made it past 4 days. So I'm happy right now. I'm proud of myself for sticking to it this long, but I'm still plenty scared of failing. I thought once I made it a certain number of days it would get easier. It hasn't. Not yet at least. I still miss beer badly. I really REALLY want to go home and crack a beer so badly today. But I also want to live sober. I just don't want that life any more. It's such a struggle. Alcohol is such a huge part of my life, I don't know how long I can do this. All I know is this. As much as I want to drink, I also want sobriety. I've made the decision to get sober and stay that way. There is a battle inside me every day between the guy who wants to drink, and the guy who wants to live sober. I just hope it gets easier.
Thank you to everyone who posted replies to me last week. Without the support I received here, I'm sure I wouldn't have made it. I've been coming back to the site any time I get the craving, and it has really helped me keep my head straight.

I still miss beer. Sleeping hasn't been too easy either. Someday I hope it gets easier.

Congrats on seven days. I remember went I went a week without drinking and realized I hadn't done that in over thirty years drinking. Your words above read just like my struggle. I was either thinking about drinking or thinking about not drinking. A hard fight but I made it through. Almost 16 months sober...the reward for not giving into the struggle. You might have a couple of rough weeks, maybe even months ahead of you. But you can live sober.

Hope you do.

(((scarystuff))) - Congratulations on 9 days!! Early recovery is tough, but it does get better. We have to remember our bodies have had YEARS of drinking and or using, so it takes a while for the thoughts and cravings to decrease, but they do.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

You have to be strong, really strong to fight off the cravings\voices that'll creep up on you all throughout the day in the first ~month(for me it came down to how strong the "I quit!" was, in my mind.) I'd say it was in the second month when my cravings and compulsions eased up and I wasn't having to fight it all the time. I too was a daily beer drinker (binges) for the last 12 years and was starting to see the bad effects (of DTs) for the last 4+ years, I started at the beginning of this year had 12 days in April, relapsed most of the Summer, by September I had drank myself to near death and I had to admit to myself (and God) I could not moderate drinking in any sort if way, quitting 100% was the only choice I had left. Thankfully, quitting has been awesome, I had not gone even one month without drugs or alcohol since I left high school 22years ago. Now at 3 months I still have to stay in control of my addicted mind, but I would not trade this for any beer on Earth. :)

EDIT: darn it, double post.....

....but I would not trade this for any beer on Earth. :)

I still mean that. :wild

[QUOTE=doggonecarl;3218957]Congrats on seven days. I remember went I went a week without drinking and realized I hadn't done that in over thirty years drinking. Your words above read just like my struggle. I was either thinking about drinking or thinking about not drinking.

Couldnt say it any better. But it does get easier. And please keep coming back maybe a little more than once a week.

And also look into a program for it really helps to be with others that know your struggle . face to face.

Keep it going awesome. :)

I really want that beer today though. Funny because the days I expect the cravings to be the worst are no big deal. Like Chirstmas eve - at Jets vs. Giants game. I'm with a large group of people tailgating and everyone is drinking. I was FINE. I drank coffee, water, soda, hot chocolate - and it didn't bother me at all to see everyone else drinking. And I had a great time. I have a much harder time when I'm just home relaxing. I used to drink home alone all the time, so it's really difficult for me now. I don't know what I'm going to do. It really sucks because I work very hard, and I want my home to be a place where I can feel safe and relaxed. Instead I feel like I have to avoid it. I'll just go to the gym today after work and hopefully I can just go home and go to sleep after. Sleep isn't so easy these days either. I hope that gets better soon.

Hi scarystuff

I thought recovrry would be linear too - the further away I got away from a drink the less I'd be tempted - but of course that wasn't true and it's why we need places like SR.

Drinking was the centre of my life for 20 years - it took me some time to turn that around...it took me some time and effort to become the sober person I wanted to be, but like others have said it was worth it.

Stick with it - things will get better if you keep working on your recovery even if it's not as fast as we'd like sometimes :)

Are you using any support besides us?

D

as of now, I'm just using this site. I have no problem with AA - it just doesn't work very well for me. It's too difficult to find the right meeting, and when I get there, I'm far too shy and private to share or open up to other people. I've been to the meetings before, and they were great. But the meetings were not going to do it for me. I would never be able to get to them consistently. I like SR because I can get support immediately when I start to have doubts or cravings, and I'm not scared of talking about how I feel. Last week was the first time I posted on this site - and it was also the first time I have ever "talked" about any of the things going on in my head while I am trying to deal with this problem.

"I used to drink home alone all the time"

I hear ya. That's one thing I was very grateful for, I didn't like to drink out at bars and events and such (I'd do it, just didn't like to.) I keep lots of stuff around to drink, sweet tea is my new drink of choice and I consume lots of it especially when the 'chug' cravings hit. Heck it's great just to get the body and brain hydrated again after so many years.

Hey scarystuff. Congrats on making it a week sober. I am very similar to you with regard to not having strong cravings in social situations. I am 5 months sober and have had very little desire to drink when spending time with friends or family who are drinking. My wife and I are boaters and I frequently get asked if it is difficult for me to spend time rafted up with others or down at the docks with our friends. I have no trouble at all. I have more fun sober than I did when drinking. I don't frequent bars as I have no need to, but the few times I have been since getting sober have been fun, as have parties. I just get bored and tired when others begin to get loopy, but for the most part I don't crave a drink at all.

My strongest cravings have come when I am alone, especially at home. When I'm traveling for business and entertaining clients I have had no cravings, but I have had them when I get back to my hotel room in the evening. Like you, I drank to "relax". It was to reward myself for working so hard. Only problem is I'd start to "relax" at 6am in the morning and continue throughout the day. Now I start my days at an early AA meeting followed by breakfast with other members. If not at a meeting I fill the down time with excercise, prayer, meditation or useful projects.

Congrats again on your success, hopefully you were pleased with the outcome of the game. Go Big Blue!

Great job - Keep going!!

Thanks
 

People, just felt compelled to say thanks and mention that SR is such a great site.

I'm obviously not the OP but I've learned so much from both the initial post and subsequent responses, both in this thread and the previous one I viewed.

I think I've found a lifelong friend...

Hi ScaryStuff! As other have said, keep calm and carry on. You're in a rough patch right now but it won't last forever, and once it's passed you will feel amazing for not drinking. It might be a good night to crawl in bed early with a book you like, or make some special food you like to eat. Try to do something nice for yourself instead of being self-destructive.

I would drink at home too and hardly ever went out to the bars. Early on, it was like my home was filled with landmines. Everything seemed to make me want to drink! I've found though, that once I've "tripped" one of those landmines I am prepared for it the next time. Eyes on the prize!! :ghug3

Scary, I'm not dumping on your 9 days but really, honestly, that's no way to live:
My first attempt at getting sober was 12 years ago, and I have failed at every attempt since then.
but I'm still plenty scared of failing.
I thought once I made it a certain number of days it would get easier. It hasn't.
I still miss beer badly.
I really REALLY want to go home and crack a beer so badly today.
It's such a struggle.
I don't know how long I can do this.
There is a battle inside me every day between the guy who wants to drink, and the guy who wants to live sober. I just hope it gets easier.

I wonder if you're willing to take a look at something - What's different about this time? In the past, did you not want to get sober? Sure you did....it just that your plans to do so didn't work. So now, after 12 yrs of trying and failing, you've got a new start. And really.........a new start is great.....no way to get sober for good (ie. for life) without starting sometime right?

But the thing that has me scratching my head is if you're not enjoying sobriety, if the thought of drinking is beating you unmercifully, and if you're not doing something different than the things you've tried in the past (ie, getting yourself sober with whatever plan you've come up with), my personal experience and that of every alkie I've met is that you're right to be concerned because if you're not incorporating some usually pretty heavy-duty changes to your lifestyle, the thought of drinking returns on a day when your defenses are down and you find yourself getting loaded......again. I'm sure a quick look through your and all of our past histories with trying to sober up will reveal exactly that same outcome - over and over.

I'll URGE you to try to get involved with one of the recovery programs. That will increase your odds of staying sober for good and for all immensely.

DT...

Scarystuff is reporting what to scary, and most of us others, is a success, and you are turning the success into a failure?

I'm sorry you chose to take it that way Frankie, in spite of my specifically saying that's NOT what I was doing. It may help to re-read Scary's post and my post.

Sobriety for an alcoholic is a LIFE AND DEATH deal...perhaps you don't see it that way - I didn't believe it was so serious when I was getting sober at first either. I've gone to 2 funerals this summer and now have another to go to for a 23yr old young man who continued to do only what he felt like, continued to relapse, and the last one wasn't a relapse.......it killed him.

For someone who's admittedly relapsed successfully (ie, they haven't died......yet) for "12 or 13 years" - well, the clock is ticking. You won't catch me giving congratulatory pats on the butt and saying you're doing fine when the person is doing the exact same things they've done which, for them, has only led to yet another relapse. Now I don't know if that's what Scary is doing........I just asked that he take a good hard look at his situation, compare it to where he's been and make sure he's not walking the same path that's not worked so many times in the past.

It's also been my experience that I needed to be woken up to my delusions.....to be forced to take a look at the reality that what i was doing was simply NOT working. Folks telling me, over and over, "it'll get better dear.......just hang in there" were doing nothing more than validating my complete lack of action and lack of change.

I'll admit, reading my post might have shaken some folks up.......that's what it's intended to do - to a degree. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings directly but if what I said wakes someone up to the fact that their best thinking is not going to be any more successful than it has been for the past decade.....and that it's high time to get moving in a different direction......then I'll run the risk that some will find my post distasteful.

The absolute bottom line is that I truly LOVE alcoholics......honest to God I want each and every ONE of you who's struggling to find a way to plug back into life, to experience all the wonderful things that happen over and over on a daily basis, to know how much you're loved, and to be free from all the junk that's in your head and is tearing you up on a daily basis.

I use the analogy on here a lot but I'll say it again here: if someone cant swim, hearing me shout from the boat "you can do it, wonderful job, you've got it this time" as they thrash around in the water.......about to die is NOT helping them in the least. It may sound good....it may sound encouraging......but the person can't swim..... so they'll get to hear nice phrases as they slip down below the surface. What's the use in that.
If an alcoholic.....or someone with a drinking problem who may or may not be alcoholic.....historically cant keep themselves sober......I'm not going to be the person, save in the boat, shouting encouragement to someone for whom encouragement is not the solution.

Well said DayTrader. I remember feeling like I was treading water in those early days;barely staying afloat and afraid of going under at any moment. Encouragement in the from of "keep comin' back!" "it get's better" etc...was not going to get me sober. I needed to find a real, tangible solution. Until I was shown that solution in the steps-and learned to swim-there was no hope that I was going to stay stopped. Swimming is so much better than treading water.

My point exactly purple..... encouragement is great, but it's not going to be enough of a solution for someone who's dying from untreated alcoholism - which, as you probably know, is NOT TREATED by "not drinking." Not drinking is part of the puzzle.....but it's a small part. Recovery is soooo much more.

I found a happy content life in AA....in living and in practicing their principles. Not everyone can or will walk that path though.....and I get that. My point is, find the path that's right for you and let's get going down it. I don't care if it's a different path than mine.......but seriously, let's get on with the business of recovering......of getting past all the crap.......of growing into a new life that filled with serenity and joy. --white knuckling it, fearing how long this one will last, and continually having to avoid any place with booze in it or having to deal with continued fantasies about drinking again, while common in early sobriety, is not the way anyone needs to live the rest of their life. Even the most hard-core alkie can recover......fully........from alcoholism.