soberred

I am surprised you are able to work after a case of beer. The shakes must be horrible. I'm glad you are seeing your doctor about the bleeding. I will keep my medical advice to myself on this one. Be safe with the withdraws though. Have a backup plan.

Frankie12

Dominica,

You won't make it to rehab before the 1st, trust me. The bleeding and the suicide ideation need to be addressed first. That will take a few days at a minimum.

You really, really need to seek medical help, now!

Everyone here is trying to help you in the way they best know how to help. You are not listening. And you don't come up with any solutions of your own, other than postponements.

Myself, I am exhausted, so I am now going to leave this thread. I have given this all my available energy.

I wish you the best and I hope you start listening.

Take care, Dominica

soberred

The bleeding may not be life threatening so lets not scare the poor girl. It's a concern yes. But the bigger issue is the suicidal thoughts. That needs to be addressed. NOW

freshstart57

Dom, we talked about this before. By not drinking, you are NOT GIVING UP ANYTHING good, just giving up hangovers, sick liver, brain, belly. On the other hand, by drinking we are giving up our self respect, our relationships with friends and family, a job, a home, and anything else that you value. It it really a tough choice?

Stay the course, we are pulling for you.

freshstart57

.

PaperDolls

Seriously>

She should only be scared if the possibility of dying scares her.

The only way to know if the bleeding is life threatening is to get to the ER and see a doctor. Let's not assume it's NOT life threatening.

soberred

You win. I know nothing.

PaperDolls

soberred - That's not even close to what I said. I'm sorry you feel that way.

When you hear people say that this is life and death. It's the truth. It's not just some scare tactic to get people to quit drinking.

Dee74

Hi Dom

sorry I'm late to this thread and really sorry you've been struggling so much.

I think it's really important you see a doctor, now - bleeding and suicidal thoughts are really not something we can muddle through on our own with.

There are free or low cost clinics around - here's a couple of links where you can target your local area:

Free/Low-Cost/Sliding-Scale Clinics
2-1-1 Call Center Search

and guys I know we're all concerned for Dom but lets not squabble...

PM me or Anna if you think there's something that needs attention

D

EmeraldRose

It is exhausting. It is a tireless endless battle of your will against your own will. And neither one of you will win if you keep going in the direction you're going.
Yes. Something has to change...and that something is you. What did you do differently today or what did you do to take action on your sobriety -besides making a phone call to the dr.??

TheOjibway84

Im so sorry to hear about you picking up again. I was wondering why I haven't heard back from you in a bit. Yeah that amount you had would have killed me by now. I am a diabetic and Im surprised by all my drinking 4 months ago that I wasn't dead myself, I felt it though and I knew that if I didn't stop I was pretty sure I was near death if I drank one more day over a 4 day bender myself. Well Im not too sure what to say because Im still looking into my soberity for the past 4 months and things have been great. Even Christmas was and I never craved one drink even though family was drinking in front of me. I sure hope you pull yourself back up and figure out how to restart, but we all don't judge you for it, I've been through many relaspes and I get up everytime but know its harder everytime. Good luck

Hevyn

I just signed on now - very sorry to be late in sending you some love and support.

4 yrs. ago tonight I was right where you are - drinking everything I could get my hands on, miserable, terrified & lost. I decided to try one more time - to raise myself up out of hell. I wasn't ready to die - I knew I could still find myself, and be the person I was meant to be. I did it, Dominica - and I know you can too. There's no comfort in it anymore, it won't take you where you want to go. We know you can reclaim your life. Let's try this thing again.

soberlicious

The jump from toying with suicidal thoughts to acting on them can happen very quickly. Once a break with reality occurs and this seems like a good idea, planning starts and it is already too late. I speak from experience. Call the Hotline.

neferkamichael

Dont give up. You can do it. I just hope it doesn't take you 42 years like it did me.

DisplacedGRITS

Hey, Dominica! Welcome to SR. I've been to rehab a couple of time. The partial hospitalizatioon program i've attended both times was great but the intensive outpatient was always lacking. I'm finding that staying on my medications, meeting with my psycholigist and one on one with my therapist are really helping. So is posting here. Are you on any meds? Campral is an anti-craving medication that has helped me a ton. Also, being treated for my depression/bipolar disorder is helping. Still having cravings but somehow it's not the unmanageable monster it has been in the past. No one just decides to be a full blown alcoholic for kicks. You may have something deeper that you're trying to self medicate.
I keep something physical on my person at all times that has a tie to my sobriety. For me, it's my coins. You can get a 24 hour one from AA. Sometimes, I tape a note to my debit card. Something simple like "remember" or "you don't want this." Keep striving for your sobriety because being in an alcohol induced haze hasn't been working for you.

jocata

Hang in there Dominica. I'm pulling for you.
God bless.

EmeraldRose

Sometimes, I tape a note to my debit card. Something simple like "remember"

My counselor had suggested to use post-it notes and stick them everywhere. Put one on the bathroom mirror saying "It's gonna be a great day" or "Smile" put one in your car "Stay focused on the prize" there's alot of ideas..."Keep it Simple" Keep it Real" One Day at a Time" Play the Tape Forward" and my personal favorite "Don't Drink Today".

I hope you're doing better this evening. :ghug3

PaperDolls

I hope you check in soon Dom.

DisplacedGRITS

Many thanks! Today has been a real learning and growing experience. I am thankful for all the curve balls thrown at me today as they gave me an opportunity to practice my coping skills. I must say, i've rocked today!

Dominica2

Thank you all for the great deal of support. I got in touch with the Dr. I have an appointment Tuesday. Last night I was sober, and also went to a meeting. The people there were great. I am expecting to start shaking and becoming irratable soon, because everytime I stop, the withdrawls get worse. I do have a nurse practitioner on standby as well. I am fed up with this. I want to go into the new year completely sober, and support and encouragement from an outside source, I really think I can do this. I really do enjoy waking up without a hangover, feeling refreshed and focused. I can not tell you how much y'alls support means to me. The notes are a great idea, I will do that.

Working with HR at my place of employment to see what all my insurance will cover as far as the recovery programs we have here. Everyone is being cooperative and non-judgemental, to my face anyway.

Well, I am sure I will be updating this post more today. Thanks again.