I was drunk the past 4 days.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Where the sun is always shining
Posts: 425
Originally Posted by lookinforward 
I dont want to be this person anymore, Those are the words that changed my life. I was looking into the mirror once again. Trying to gather myself together so that I could fake my way through the morning at work until my brain got to a level of sobriety where I could function on a normal level. Been there???? Yep! It sucked beyond words. But those eight words passed my lips for years. Finally when I muttered those words to myself and looked into the mirror and saw 1/4 of the man that use to be there....I truly meant it.
I was tempted....my wife never quit drinking....but it was my life that concerned me. What kind of father acts like this???? I was so selfish. My health. My reality. This drunk could not be me. But it was. I had become that guy. I cried.....I was angry......I was sad.......I got down on my knees and prayed to God to help me.
This is where my life turned around.
I dont know if you believe in a higher power. I do. I believe in God, Allah, Budda, Inner Power, Outter power. It all comes from within. We carry it in our heart. I feel that we all need a little help in our back pocket when it comes to fighting off our demons. I do not do a specific recovery route. I think that we all have to choose our own paths. Hence....NO ONE can tell you exactly what to do. That answer lies within you!
SR is awesome and saved my life. But some people need more. You have to keep trying until you find what it takes to make it over the hump. The one answer that can be given is this. NEVER GIVE UP!
Praying for you
DAve
I was tempted....my wife never quit drinking....but it was my life that concerned me. What kind of father acts like this???? I was so selfish. My health. My reality. This drunk could not be me. But it was. I had become that guy. I cried.....I was angry......I was sad.......I got down on my knees and prayed to God to help me.
This is where my life turned around.
I dont know if you believe in a higher power. I do. I believe in God, Allah, Budda, Inner Power, Outter power. It all comes from within. We carry it in our heart. I feel that we all need a little help in our back pocket when it comes to fighting off our demons. I do not do a specific recovery route. I think that we all have to choose our own paths. Hence....NO ONE can tell you exactly what to do. That answer lies within you!
SR is awesome and saved my life. But some people need more. You have to keep trying until you find what it takes to make it over the hump. The one answer that can be given is this. NEVER GIVE UP!
Praying for you
DAve
Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
It's time to do something different Dom.
Find something that works and stick with it.
You can't blame other people for your drinking. Just because they invite you to a bar doesn't mean you have to go.
How long did you do the Salvation Army treatment/rehab?
Find something that works and stick with it.
You can't blame other people for your drinking. Just because they invite you to a bar doesn't mean you have to go.
How long did you do the Salvation Army treatment/rehab?
Sober...Finally.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Galveston TX
Posts: 574
3 weeks, Its outpatient, and It was just of people trying to get out of going to prison. It seemes I was the only voluntary person there. I just wish I could afford REAL rehab, thats all I really want.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Dominica,
I know it feels hopeless at times, sometimes not because we don't believe people can't get better, or even that WE can't get better, it just seems like such a monumental task, we can't muster the energy to even get started.
Sometimes even coming here and reading SOME posts, about how hard it is, how much people are struggling, etc, is scary and we can look at that and think that we just can't do that, that our lives wasted are better because we can't handle life sober.
I am not sure if that is where you are, but if it is, or to anyone reading this who might be feeling this way, I will share a bit of my story.
When I first got into recovery, I was still using. I wanted to investigate this recovery thing, and make sure I "bought" it, and decide whether or not I could do it, before I gave up my old life. Meanwhile I spent six more months nearly killing myself, with my multiple addictions spiraling out of control to a degree they never had before. Maybe I thought I'd give total full blown addiction a chance to see how I liked that.
I quickly got to a point where i simply could not go on like I was anymore. I was alienating everyone I cared about, killing myself and putting everything and everyone at risk. I did not want to be the person I was. Going on like I was, wasn't even an option. I was that close to killing myself, either by actual suicide or the slightly less obvious but just as devastating overdose, anorexia, or car accident.
At that point, I just knew that I had to stop, and I was too messed up in my mind and life to try to put together my own recovery program. So I went to an NA meeting, and decided to work that program. I needed hope, structure, a plan.
But I was SO used to struggling, it was all I knew. Being defiant, angry, hopeless, argumentative, etc. I brought all that in with me. I took the drugs and booze out but took all those other "devils" in with me, thinking they were my friends.
People told me I didn't have to be miserable in the program, that suffering was optional, but I had no idea what they meant.
I kept on white knuckling it through my days, struggling. Until, I didn't anymore. Until I realized that I didn't have to anymore.
Recovery isn't the hardest thing we ever do, it's not nearly as hard as active addiction, if we allow it to work in our lives. When we struggle with it, sure, it's hard. But if we allow ourselves to relax, it's healing.
That may take some times, because we are scared at first, not trusting, angry, wary. But if we let ourselves get to know recovery, give it a shot and find out what it's all about, we get past that.
Of course there are hard days, days we feel awful. That is normal life, not a sign that something is wrong or that recovery isn't working, etc. Recovery doesn't guarantee that everything in life will go our way and that we will never feel tough feelings again, it gives us a chance to get through those things clear headed, and to enjoy the good days, and good things unimpaired.
I was so used to fighting, addiction, reality, situations, the people around me and myself, that I didn't know that fighting was one of my issues. I thought it was my friend, the only thing keeping me from being overwhelmed and crushed by life. I went into recovery fighting it, because fighting was all I knew. When I finally took a chance and stopped fighting, things began to turn around for me.
Suicide was one of the things I ran to as an escape. The idea that I could always end things if they got too bad. I had to give that up to, just as surely as I had to put down drugs, booze, etc. That was a huge turning point for me, and a very recent one. There is actually a Suicide Anonymous organization for people who are hooked on the fantasy and ideology of suicide as a way to cope/not cope with life.
If you are in a suicide crisis, or seriously considering harming yourself, take action now. If it is a pervasive and recurring thought, check out Suicide Anonymous, get into therapy,etc, address it. I found out that with that particular issue always clamoring in the backround, I was not able to make too much headway with the other issues. Because in my mind I was still telling myself "if this doesn't work, I can just do myself in" when I gave that option up, I finally truly allowed recovery to work in my life. The struggle was over, and healing could take place. I have finally decided to LIVE.
Because truly, when I didn't want to live, wasn't committed to live, what was the point of all the rest?
I know it feels hopeless at times, sometimes not because we don't believe people can't get better, or even that WE can't get better, it just seems like such a monumental task, we can't muster the energy to even get started.
Sometimes even coming here and reading SOME posts, about how hard it is, how much people are struggling, etc, is scary and we can look at that and think that we just can't do that, that our lives wasted are better because we can't handle life sober.
I am not sure if that is where you are, but if it is, or to anyone reading this who might be feeling this way, I will share a bit of my story.
When I first got into recovery, I was still using. I wanted to investigate this recovery thing, and make sure I "bought" it, and decide whether or not I could do it, before I gave up my old life. Meanwhile I spent six more months nearly killing myself, with my multiple addictions spiraling out of control to a degree they never had before. Maybe I thought I'd give total full blown addiction a chance to see how I liked that.
I quickly got to a point where i simply could not go on like I was anymore. I was alienating everyone I cared about, killing myself and putting everything and everyone at risk. I did not want to be the person I was. Going on like I was, wasn't even an option. I was that close to killing myself, either by actual suicide or the slightly less obvious but just as devastating overdose, anorexia, or car accident.
At that point, I just knew that I had to stop, and I was too messed up in my mind and life to try to put together my own recovery program. So I went to an NA meeting, and decided to work that program. I needed hope, structure, a plan.
But I was SO used to struggling, it was all I knew. Being defiant, angry, hopeless, argumentative, etc. I brought all that in with me. I took the drugs and booze out but took all those other "devils" in with me, thinking they were my friends.
People told me I didn't have to be miserable in the program, that suffering was optional, but I had no idea what they meant.
I kept on white knuckling it through my days, struggling. Until, I didn't anymore. Until I realized that I didn't have to anymore.
Recovery isn't the hardest thing we ever do, it's not nearly as hard as active addiction, if we allow it to work in our lives. When we struggle with it, sure, it's hard. But if we allow ourselves to relax, it's healing.
That may take some times, because we are scared at first, not trusting, angry, wary. But if we let ourselves get to know recovery, give it a shot and find out what it's all about, we get past that.
Of course there are hard days, days we feel awful. That is normal life, not a sign that something is wrong or that recovery isn't working, etc. Recovery doesn't guarantee that everything in life will go our way and that we will never feel tough feelings again, it gives us a chance to get through those things clear headed, and to enjoy the good days, and good things unimpaired.
I was so used to fighting, addiction, reality, situations, the people around me and myself, that I didn't know that fighting was one of my issues. I thought it was my friend, the only thing keeping me from being overwhelmed and crushed by life. I went into recovery fighting it, because fighting was all I knew. When I finally took a chance and stopped fighting, things began to turn around for me.
Suicide was one of the things I ran to as an escape. The idea that I could always end things if they got too bad. I had to give that up to, just as surely as I had to put down drugs, booze, etc. That was a huge turning point for me, and a very recent one. There is actually a Suicide Anonymous organization for people who are hooked on the fantasy and ideology of suicide as a way to cope/not cope with life.
If you are in a suicide crisis, or seriously considering harming yourself, take action now. If it is a pervasive and recurring thought, check out Suicide Anonymous, get into therapy,etc, address it. I found out that with that particular issue always clamoring in the backround, I was not able to make too much headway with the other issues. Because in my mind I was still telling myself "if this doesn't work, I can just do myself in" when I gave that option up, I finally truly allowed recovery to work in my life. The struggle was over, and healing could take place. I have finally decided to LIVE.
Because truly, when I didn't want to live, wasn't committed to live, what was the point of all the rest?
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1,028
Being new to sobriety we always say stay away from people, places and things that will trigger drinking. I'm pretty sure that includes a "rehab" program with a sneaky culture encouraging people to drink.
If you are suicidal you need to go to the ER. Most suicides occure while drunk if you are an alcoholic. You may be in control of this while semi-sober but the next time you drink something awful could happen due to drunk logic and your child could be completely parent less.
You need caring professionals to help you, no matter what the cost, I can tell you if you die your family will pay upwards of $8000 to deal with your death. I think that money would be better served in helping you get better. You are worth it and your child needs you!
If you are suicidal you need to go to the ER. Most suicides occure while drunk if you are an alcoholic. You may be in control of this while semi-sober but the next time you drink something awful could happen due to drunk logic and your child could be completely parent less.
You need caring professionals to help you, no matter what the cost, I can tell you if you die your family will pay upwards of $8000 to deal with your death. I think that money would be better served in helping you get better. You are worth it and your child needs you!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Dom, I 'admitted' myself into out patient rehab. Everyone there was court appointed and no one could understand how I could voluntarily go to rehab. But I did. Never missed a class (I drove 70 miles round trip 3 days a week.)
I went and I enjoyed myself. Rehab is only what you get out of it. I wasn't recovering for anyone but myself. I was doing it for me because my life had become unmanagable.
You only get out of rehab what you put in. It doesn't matter why anyone else is there, what their intentions are or how serious they are. You are there for You and only You.
Coming here to vent is a great idea. It's comfortable, you really don't 'know' us and you know you will find solid advice. But now you need to seek real help. You need to reach out, swallow your pride, get alittle 'uncomfortable'. Get out of your comfort zone quit fighting yourself and not just seek but accept the help you are looking for. You can't continue to hold a job and be a good mother in the state you are in.
Wishing you peace and keeping you in my thoughts today. (((HUGS)))
I went and I enjoyed myself. Rehab is only what you get out of it. I wasn't recovering for anyone but myself. I was doing it for me because my life had become unmanagable.
You only get out of rehab what you put in. It doesn't matter why anyone else is there, what their intentions are or how serious they are. You are there for You and only You.
Coming here to vent is a great idea. It's comfortable, you really don't 'know' us and you know you will find solid advice. But now you need to seek real help. You need to reach out, swallow your pride, get alittle 'uncomfortable'. Get out of your comfort zone quit fighting yourself and not just seek but accept the help you are looking for. You can't continue to hold a job and be a good mother in the state you are in.
Wishing you peace and keeping you in my thoughts today. (((HUGS)))
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: The Trenches, Texas
Posts: 778
If you want what we have...we who have recovered, and are willing to go to any length...then you are always welcomed in Alcoholics Anonymous where we work those pesky steps. 
Peace and God bless,
O
Peace and God bless,
O
Sober...Finally.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Galveston TX
Posts: 574
Thank you for the insight. I will seek some help, because I do feel like if I dont, It will be all over. After all, im killing myself slowly anyhow. I think im going to set up some kind of payment plan with a treatment facility, and get this under control.
Sober...Finally.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Galveston TX
Posts: 574
I just need an inpatient, not outpatient. I need therapy, to get through this depression, if im still depressed, i will just turn right back to drinking. I need at least a 30 day program of intense recovery.
1000 Post Club
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 2,284
All rehabs are not the same. I should know I've been to outpatient, in-patient, halfway houses ect.... At one point I was so bad & the hospital was so tired of me the social worker there was looking into getting me a grant to Hazelton in MN! That being said, most rehabs will have court mandated people.
The thing that is currently helping me stay sober is a regular therapist. Ironically, she doesn't know a whole bunch about alcoholism yet she is helping the most.
The thing that is currently helping me stay sober is a regular therapist. Ironically, she doesn't know a whole bunch about alcoholism yet she is helping the most.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: « USA » Recovered with AVRT (Rational Recovery) ___________
Posts: 3,680
Alcohol is a high proof depressant. Everyone is depressed when they quit drinking, without exception. Some people find some relief from anti-depressants, but they still take weeks to kick in, and they will not work if you keep on drinking. Bottom line, you will have to suffer a little bit before your head clears. No way around it.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: california
Posts: 44
Dom if you are having these thoughts you need help with it..please call a doctor or go to ER. You know that alcohol is a depressant..and if you are drinking that out of control you have to do something now. God Bless!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: « USA » Recovered with AVRT (Rational Recovery) ___________
Posts: 3,680
Originally Posted by Dominica2
So depression is just something everyone goes through with this? How long does it usually last?
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