Windancer

I went through something similar and at the time I was VERY upset when my ex told his parents the horrid details of my drinking issues. Yet, he felt alone and it was obviously hard for him too...so understand to a degree. It is very confusing for the spouse of an alcoholic or addict.....and very hard to know what to do for the best. I do sometimes still wish he could have ommitted some details....but he was all alone and didnt know who to talk to but his family.

Anna

It always amazes me that people think they have a right to ask such a personal question. In my opinion, it's none of their business why you aren't drinking and how rude it is for them to ask.

silly

My partner is STILL telling people, despite the fact that I've voiced my hurt over and over. She says that she's an open book and that it's part of her life, too. When I suggest that it's isolating and that people treat me like a child, she tells me that nobody is judging me so what's the big deal. She's not going to hide from people. Not once has she ever considered what it does to me. This is probably one of the main reasons we are in the process of breaking up. That and she's having an affair with our dog walker who is 17 years older than I am. But I digress. It IS our choice who should know unless your SO needs help. I mean, I had no problem that her mom knew b/c she needs support, too. But there isn't one person in our life together, dog walker included (ugh.) who doesn't know ALL about me. It makes me feel so raw and exposed. To know that my partner would sit down and tell another person my full life story as an alcoholic? I burn with shame when I think what this women, these people, know. And who do they think they are to just start asking questions? One of my partner's friends actually offered to make me a kiddie cocktail in front of about 15 people.
Wow. didn't even know I needed to vent on the subject anymore. I guess I did :-) Good topic for therapy next week.

I feel your pain, foodie. I give you a lot of credit for trying to work through it in a logical manner. And I hope your husband has come to understand your point of view.

Anna

Silly, I am SO glad you're getting away from this person.

soberbythesea

I would not be happy if my husband told anyone. Like you foodie, most people in my life had/have no idea about my drinking issues, and I'm not looking to change that.

I am kind of surprised by most reactions in this thread, actually. Maybe I would feel differently if my drinking problem had been more public to begin with.

CowboyPastor

...as a mutual respect issue. If I ask my wife to let me decide the when and how to deal with me not drinking in a social setting, I would hope she would respect that and let me handle it.

legna

We are dealing with a similar issue right now. My wife came home eleven and a half months ago after twenty-four years in prison as a direct result of her addiction. She is attending AA meetings locally which her sister also attends. Recently, her sister introduced her in her booming voice as 'my sister who murdered someone and went to prison for twenty-four years'. My wife was livid for the same reasons you've described.

On the flip side, it may be that your husband not only (as others have suggested) is dealing with the effects of your alcoholism as well - but just might be super excited and wants to sing it from the rooftops.

onlythetruth

It seems to me that this all boils down to trust. If your partner realizes that you want to keep a personal matter (such as a history of addiction) private, and chooses instead to make it public--that's a breach of trust and would be problematic in any relationship, with any issue.