DeathDoll

I have been clean and sober for 9 months. I call my sponser and pray everyday, I try to do the right things and pause when agitated. I took a commitment and I'm making 3 meetings a week at least, sometimes more if needed. I'm re starting my steps because I got another sponser.

I met my boyfriend in AA when I was a new comer (less then 30 days) he had one year of recovery. He was my hero, my mentor, and I could always go to him for anything, he talked me out of re lapsing more then once. We fell in love fast and hard, almost had a baby (lost it), and have been through a lot. We both had some hard times but we got through them, together, and sober.

My boyfriend took pain killers and didn't tell anyone. He totaled his car and almost died. Then I noticed him acting 'distant' and 'not there'. I knew something was wrong, he would show up with a sleepy look on his face and his items and car smelled like pot. He had blood shot eyes and almost crashed the car with me in it.

I asked over, and over, and over again if he was smoking pot. He said no. He swore on his sobriety, my life, his life, his families life and even his little nieces life. I already knew though. You can't ******** a bullshitter, last night I went through his phone and found a recent video of him smoking pot and confronted him. Well, we talked this morning and he is almost in denial about being 'out'.

I asked him to promise me to tell his sponser... He doesn't want to. He says people in the program smoke pot and as long as he doesn't drink he's okay. I miss the man I fell in love with. He just isn't 'there' anymore... I sliced my back last night with a razor to see if he would notice. He never did. I feel so worried now and concerned about his safety especially when he drives. He was a heroin addict and popped pills, I feel like he's just going to go back down that road....

I don't want to lose my boyfriend, I love him so much. But... I also don't like the person he is turning into, and I don't want to get tempted and do drugs again (it only leads me to worse things -- and drinking) everytime I see him high, or I smell pot around him, I feel jealous... I know it's wrong, but I think I care more about the fact that he's doing it, and I want some too. (He says this is why he didn't tell me and lied, for my protection)

I just don't know what to do.

IndaMiricale

Sorry DeathDoll,

For me no one and i mean nothing and noone comes before my soberity. if they do they have to go.

As for your boyfriend being on the pot program thats sucks. But yea he is totally just breaking so many of his own rules. Number one and most important rigorous honesty.

And as for his line of many people in AA smoke pot , well many of them pick up and drink only not to ever make it back into the rooms. And for what its worth I am telling him MORE DONT then do.

Please dont be hurting yourself "slicing your back"

Call and talk to your sponsor. :ghug3

And always remain a newcomer a month is great , but i wont even consdier my self not a newcomer ever stay green. Last week we had a lead at my home meeting and this gentelman had 51 years got sober with Sister Ignatia. and he still says he is new .

I wish you the best , and try to have a beatiful christmas and holiday.

jocata

I used to smoke pot almost daily for some time. Many people think it is harmless, but for an addict like me, it is not. It always leads me to other things. I can't just use pot and go to meetings, talk to my sponser, and be around my family with a clear conscience and peace. A drug is a drug to me, no matter what it is. I hope your boyfriend realizes this before it is too late. Put YOUR recovery first.
God bless.

Music man

This statement worries me. Never ever hurt yourself.

As to pot, some think it's better than drinking some don't.

My opinion is if it takes over it's just the same as drinking.

langkah

Ok, it's good you're doing the meetings and have a sponsor and service commitment, take some daily actions and haven't drank for 9 months.

As far as the rest...it's classic 'what not to do when new and why you shouldn't'. To put this mess to use you should often share this experience with newcomer women 1 on 1 in the hope they will choose better for themselves.

Hope you can get out of this and return to a sane life without getting drunk again.

finaltime

Why would you slice your back? I don't get that part. I say ask him to quit, if it he can, then maybe there is hope, if not then I say leave..nothing is worth it. nothing. Good luck! Keep writing.

nogard

When I look after myself, what to do, how and when become very clear, but when I get into what others are doing, my dis ease takes over.

Tell others around you in recovery, dont keep it quiet, no secrets and try going to some recovery based meetings that include all drugs.

Kevin

eJoshua

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles, but to be honest I think you have to lose the boyfriend. Your sobriety is too important to risk it by hanging around him.

Dee74

Welcome DeathDoll

I disagree that smoking pot recreationally is recovery - it certainly doesn;t fit with my notion of recovery.

But that's your bf's problem - I think there's a bigger issue here for you...

I think when we're harming ourselves to get people to notice us, and our partner is patently and repeatedly lying to us - it's really in our best interests to look at this relationship honestly, and try and work out if it's really best to stay in it as it is.

I wish you all best with that decision

D

Zencat

Well done on 90 days sober DeathDoll!

Too bad you have to ditch the BF like a immanent device of doom for all that dares to face swift direct death. Maybe someday he will come around . Tho it looks its the time to run...fast....far away...if you value your life.

So now that is over, you have some surviving to do. Surviving you
must. Welcome to survivalist central. Here many have been in the grubby depths of anguish to the platitudes of the highest hopes.

ulfr

Him using pot isnt him being sober we have never hard of someone smoking pot and not drinking as being ok its not ok

Please talk to your sponsor about this
also we self injure and we have for 22 years please dont start to do it once you start you cant stop it is addictive as drugs and alcohol is

Hope you are ok

Ella

Sapling

When I came to AA...The only relationship I wanted to deal with...is the one I had with myself. I had a lot to fix...And that is what I worked on. Now the relationship I have is with God, myself and my fellows...And I work on that daily. If you are serious about what you are trying to do...You might want to think about taking care of yourself first....Good things will come if your own house is in order. Best of luck to you.

Threshold

All I can do is echo what everyone has said above. Glad you are here.

We drink, smoke, drug, cut, get into sick relationships, over eat, drive too fast...etc etc etc to avoid confrontation with reality.

Recovery isn't just about stopping one bad habit, it's about learning to live with reality, not in spite of reality.

I'm a recovering addict, waking up alone on Christmas because my supposedly recovering alcoholic boyfriend is MIA again. I could do something horrible to myself to see if he notices (I played that game for years with my ex husband) but what's the point? He wont. He's an addict. Hiding our heads in the sand is what we do. It's what I am doing by staying with him no matter how many times I wake up with relationship hangovers.

Reality so often seems like out enemy, but maybe we just never let ourselves truly get to know it. In recovery we learn that it can be our friend.

Charon

I've just two words - Buswah and RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DeathDoll

Thank you everyone so much for your advice and words, I contemplated not coming back here and replying because last night I got really, really high with my boyfriend.

I feel really terrible. I don't want to show my face at the meetings anymore. Two people from AA saw me last night blazed out of my mind. I can't bear the thought of leaving my boyfriend and at least now I can be on the same page as him... maybe we can start this deal over again for real.

onlythetruth

DeathDoll: What cries out to me in your postings is that your problems are too big to be addressed on this forum, or in AA or any other peer support group. You are talking about not only substance abuse but a severely destructive relationship including self-injury on your part.

If you are not already in the care of a competent mental health professional, please find a way to make that happen as soon as possible.

nogard

Best thing you can do is get back to meetings and phone members, doing the opposite or listening to advice that suggests otherwise is simply the manifestation of your disease.

Be smart and pick up the phone, go to a meeting, my relapse took me through hell and lasted 11 years.
One of the beauties of recovery is when can learn from our peers and be supported by them, rather than go out there and risk death or maiming ourselves and others. Go to meetings even if you are not clean. Dont wait to get well to do recovery, do recovery and get well.

Kevin

SoCalDude

You just described my life. (minus cutting)

Hang in there OP.. Make the right decision without hurting yourself. If you need attention, we're happy to be there for you, no cutting needed.

I'm really on the fence on this one.. In California pot is legal, and it has helped me the in past, and I've not ever been addicted to it.. just once in a while.. I do think anything that 'negatively' affects you or the people around you is a problem -- in this case, he is negatively affecting his relationship with you, so it should be considered and problem and you should work together to figure out a solution.