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Sober day 1 tomorrow maybe

Old 01-04-2012, 10:38 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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update on me- so I am still totally using and thinking of how much I want to quit every day. I feel like I did have a good realization last week when I was able to see the addiction as a seperate thing from the drug. It makes it easier in my mind to say no to and move away from the addiction- because I have such a tricky relationship with the drug (weed) itself. At one time it felt like such an ally in my life and thuogh no it absolutely does not serve I still have a hard time thinking of it as a bad thing.

I think I would really benifit from connecting with other people quitting or having had quit weed specifically. I have been trying to go to an online MA meeting but my computer is not connecting to it- something about needing to update or install Java which I don't even know what that is - but my computer is newish so I can see that I may need to install soem things.
Then I would really like to start with some online MA meetings.
I keep thinking about attending a local NA meeting but am not sure it is right for me. Also keep thinking about finding a therapist but still no go.

I am not sure if it would help me to get a therapist and go to a meeting and go to an online MA meeting beforew I try to quit again, or if it is all the same.
Everyone talks about having a support system set up for when I quit but I can't quite figure out what that would be for me. I will keep you guys posted- I do feel like I am going to go for it one of these days soon as I think about quitting every day.
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Old 01-04-2012, 11:45 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Windytown4 View Post
...thinking of how much I want to quit every day.
I think I would really benifit from connecting with other people quitting.
I keep thinking about attending a local NA meeting but am not sure it is right for me.
...keep thinking about finding a therapist but still no go.
I do feel like I am going to go for it one of these days soon as I think about quitting every day.
Take if from an old pothead, THINKING isn't doing. It may feel like action, and it certainly beats not thinking about your situation, but how much stuff in your life remained in your brain as thoughts? Dreams never to be acted on?

If you are the way I was when I smoked, a lot.

Don't let this happen to your recovery. There is too much at stake.

Good luck.
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Old 01-04-2012, 04:15 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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you are right! I can think all I want
must act
somehow
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Old 01-05-2012, 02:49 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Windytown4 View Post
you are right! I can think all I want
must act
somehow
Windy....sounds like reindeer games to me. I think you need a solid plan. Stop jumping around to all the different things you could do, and do SOMETHING. and stick with it.

Pot was my DOC for nearly 30 years....I woke up with it and went to sleep with it. I've been clean and sober now for almost 20 years, and I've never been to a MA meeting....don't even know where to find one.

But I've been to thousands of AA and NA meetings: why? because I'm an addictl Being addicted to pot doesn't make me special or unique. The same 12 step program as AA and NA definitely works....but ENOUGH with the excuses already

Do you have a sponsor? For me this was the person who always told it like it was. No rationalizations or excuses. No sugar coating anything. I'm an addict and my entire life has been focused on feeling good no matter what the consequences. Recovery required me to delay gratification in favor of continuing sobriety.

First thing: I needed to stop lying to myself. My sponsor loved me enough to tell me the truth, and it really did set me free.

blessings
zb
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Old 01-07-2012, 07:17 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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so- baby steps here but feels kind of big.
Just in these past weeks people here and on the MA board (which I finally got to) have all been saying the same thing over and over to me when I rant on and on- they say go to a meeting.
Before this time I have never even considered a meeting- I didn't think it was something pot addicts did. but so many people who I hear are actually in recovery did so through meetings.
so I guess I am on step 2 working to step three- I went to my first online meeting- and finally, I looked up NA local meetings and there is one near my on Monday- so I am going to go!

I am actually really excited and it feels like a big change for me. I hav been trying to quit alone for 10 years and the same thing always happens. and I just blamed myself for being weak or lazy. but now I just see I CANNOT do it alone. I cannot.
So if there is something out there that can help me I am gonna try it.
So Monday is my first meeting- I humble myself, admit I am totally addicted and need help, and step into the circle of help. Maybe this will be thie thing that can make this time different for me!
Still using right now bu I will run out of pot about the same time as by the end of Monday so it may be a good fit.
Here's hoping- wish me luck -
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Old 01-07-2012, 08:21 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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My own experiences and observations have illustrated to me time and again that knowledge by itself is no solution. Spiritual progress requires action. It also seems to require the humility to accept that my beliefs are just that...beliefs. And I'm well advised to "follow the leader", to accept one who is further along the path than I am, and act on his/her suggestions. It makes no difference whether those suggestions make any sense to me. What has been lacking in my "program" has always been humility and willingess (not to mention honesty). So far, following the leader has worked well for me. It's a time honored system which includes religious leaders, saints, teachers, gurus, mentors, etc. Seem like the young man aways needs to find the old man who will show him the way. To my knowledge, none of the books and paths recommend that we try to find our own way, without a mentor. Today I give of myself freely, and remain willing to accept the gifts of others (even when I don't think they know more than me,<G>

"Trust God, Clean House, and Help others." [Dr. Bob Smith....cofounder (one of many) of AA.]

blessings, zb
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Old 01-07-2012, 03:49 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Glad to hear from you WT - sounds like a bit of hope in your post
fantastic!

D
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