need reassurance.
 

hoo- boy.
i'm sober a little over 5 months now.
my problem is that i've always been self centered and socially oblivious, even way before i started drinking, i was lonely and mildly depressed. drinking allowed me to want to be around others and allowed me to be outgoing and friendly.
so far, being sober has DESTROYED my social life and is threatening my livelihood. i'm a solo musician, so being front and center and doing it with a SMILE is a must. but since i got sober, i resent having to be fake. and i just don't seem to have the capacity to enjoy anything.
as far as my recovery goes, yes i've been sober 5 months, but my going to meetings was more or less touch and go. this past week, however, thanks to a friend who's started going to meetings with me, i've been making meetings every day. but i still have no real desire to commingle in fellowship, and meetings often fill me with uneasiness, more often than i feel they should. i want SO BAD to reap the benefits of the program, and assume that i'm on the right path, but my unceasing discomfort around anybody, including those in meetings i should feel comfortable around and who are there to support me, is discouraging. especially since it's been 5 months!
i know that i'm extremely blessed. i have loving family, no financial responsibilities, or really any responsibilities, friends who still care about me despite my wanting to distance myself, i get to make money doing what i (used to) LOVE doing, and am surrounded by goodness and support, yet my negativity permeates and infects all i touch, and i dont know how to combat it. i guess i just need to know that i'm on the right path and to hear others' commiseration and assurance that i can enjoy life someday.

I dealt with my self-centeredness through the steps. Do you have a sponsor to guide you?

Peace & Love,
Sugah

You will again enjoy life someday.

Have you done any stepwork yet?

Lots of well-known musicians are recovering addicts and alcoholics. Maybe you could do some research on them (shouldn't be too difficult) and get some tips on how they found their edge when they chose sobriety?

Just a suggestion to add to what everyone else has already proposed.

Hey
I'm an ex-musician/performing artist Starter when I was 15 and exposed to everything.... And have experience with alcohol and drugs on a pretty large scale. Not sure when it came back, but my guitar became my safe haven when I was uptight. I really hope you turn the corner and play, music is magical. Best of luck to you- you are ahead of me now! I only have 8 days, with a previous stop 3 yrs ago.
Dub

welcome to SR sickofliquor :)

I'm not in AA so I have no suggestions there - have you considered you may be depressed though?

Counselling helped me when I was struggling to find joy in my life - maybe counselling might be another thing to consider alongside the Steps for you?

D

I am not an AA person either, but I also wonder if you've considered talking to your dr about the possibility of depression? It could be that you are still adjusting to being a sober solo musician and that you aren't comfortable with it yet.

Congratulations on your sobriety!

Keep Trying. I think talking to a doctor is a good idea. How long did you drink? You've only been sober 5 months. Your body has a lot to get used to.:c032:

Work the steps with a spiritual advisor/sponsor. If your depression doesn't lift after being honest, see a doctor. I felt the same until I put the steps into my daily life. I was called bi-polar in my past by relatives...always feeling less than or left out. Today, I am a self-confident person. Try it!

thanks, ya'll. i know i'm depressed. i was on anti depressants and seeing a therapist for almost a decade, and recently (2 months ago) went off the meds after reading about their creation and use and side effects, plus wasn't benefiting from them anyhow. also i can no longer afford therapy or meds anyhow since my insurance lapsed. but i really dont want to go back to meds either way. hopefully my new gym membership and taking fish oil and st. johns wort will help:09:

I'll tell you what will help...If AA is the program of recovery that you want to choose...The 12 steps are what it's about...Get a sponsor and take the steps...You probably aren't getting much out of meetings because that's all you hear about and have nothing to contribute...Meetings are great and very important....But the program..Is the 12 steps. You mention being on the right path...That is the path.

counting my blessings help a little..