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Old 12-22-2011, 05:53 AM   #1 (permalink)

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My first post an admitting my wrongs

I am new to this forum and I'm a binge drinker, about twice a week for about 10 years now. I want to quit as I am a mother now and I usually drink after my child goes to bed with my husband. I stopped drinking only for the 9 months I was pregnant and I felt amazing! I thought I kicked the habit for good. I was wrong, I started binge drinking again about a month after the baby. My husband is also a binge drinker. We've been married for 10 years and before I got married did not drink. I feel like the lifestyle we have now is all about drinking. We don't drink and drive, we stay home and do it, are responsible with our child, but we always make time for alcohol, and it has been going on for years. My fear is that I will die soon and not be able to be there for my child. What I'm doing to my body is horrible for me. I hbe told myself I will only drink once a week, but give in halfway through the week, sometimes my husband will and we encourage it. He doesn't admit he had a problem and thinks I'm ridiculous for thinking that we do.Its really hard for me to be the bigger person and stop because he influences me so much. Today I want to make a change. I want to stop blaming my husband foe the reasons why I drink. I want to be healthy for my child so he can have a mother that is there for him for a long time. I want to do it for him.
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Old 12-22-2011, 06:12 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR. Take it one day at a time and believe you can do it. Spend a lot of time on SR for support and advice. This addiction is one of the mind. Recommend you make a list of your triggers and sober ways to cope with them. Make a list of goals (you already have one - the health and well being of your child), the consequences of your drinking and thinking it through if you are tempted.
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Old 12-22-2011, 06:28 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Lonelygal... first welcome to SR! It is a very supportive group. I am new having joined only last month.

While your husband my not admit a problem, you obviously feel different or you would not have posted.

It is positive to read that during your pregnancy while you did not drink you felt so good. To be healthy for your child is an incredibly strong motivation. You know it is the best choice for you and your family.

Take time to read through the posts here. You will find support and encouragement.

I found reading and posting to be very useful for me. I have learnt a great deal about myself since joining and know I made the right decision for me and my family.

I wish you the best in journey.

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Old 12-22-2011, 06:35 AM   #4 (permalink)
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You can stay stopped! I hope you aren't breastfeeding as everything we take, our baby takes, too! You can do this!
Someday it will all make sense, so laugh at confusion, smile through tears,
& remind yourself it All happens for a reason.

All Big Book quotes are from the 1st edition.
Linked with the permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

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Old 12-22-2011, 06:56 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Hi lonelygal, I really feel the loneliness in your post. With recovery, we sometimes just have to go it alone and let the chips fall where they may. You sound like you've given this a ton of thought; and truly want to change your life and be the best mama possible That is wonderful! Your son will benefit forever from your decision. Let your husband do as he will. Focus on you. You can do this. Please keep up posted! Welcome to SR, there is so much support and information here, I hope you find it as helpful as I have.
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Old 12-22-2011, 08:25 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I'm glad you have decided to live a sober life.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

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Old 12-22-2011, 08:37 AM   #7 (permalink)

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I have an 8-year-old son and have drank for almost 7 years of his life. I think quitting drinking is the very best thing for your child and yourself! My son is my main motivator. I know how hard it can be without the support of your spouse. My husband is caring and tries to support me but he doesn't think I have a problem since he's the manager of a liquor store and sees people who are a lot worse than I am. I just am trying to have tunnel vision: me and my son. I don't want him to ever have to say "my mom drank herself to death when I was 8." You can do this for you and your child!
Everyone has inside of them a
piece of good news.
The good news is that you don't
know how great you can be!
How much you can love!
What you can accomplish!
And what your potential is!

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Old 12-22-2011, 09:51 AM   #8 (permalink)

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I'm right there with you. I'm a Mom of one little boy, a wife of 18 years to a soldier and I've been drinking for around 8 years or so, actually started about 10 years ago but gave up when I was pregnant with my son and when I was bfding him.
Then, my hubby got extended in a deployment and I was right back, sliding down the ole slippery slope.
Just want to say welcome to SR and hang around a while! It's a wonderful community to be a part of!
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For the moment we live in a day of peace, but it shall not ever be thus. Great trials lie ahead... and we must prepare ourselves temporally and spiritually.
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Old 12-22-2011, 11:03 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Hello and welcome! I hope you are able to include your husband in your sobriety. Drinking is bad enough, but if you stop spending time with your husband then that could be worse, I think. Maybe you could talk about it and decide to stop together, just for 90 days or something?
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Old 12-22-2011, 02:28 PM   #10 (permalink)

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Hi Lonely Gal,
I am right there with you. Except, I have 2 kids under 3, quit drinking for long periods of time. Started binge drinking occasionally to relieve stress and anxiety of all this new responsibility. What did I do before kids wow!!! My husband is in the restaurant industry and drinks all the time, not as bad a me, but he has his own issues. I am hypoglycemic and shouldn't drink at all anyway. I have been sober for awile, bingeing here and there. Everytime the guilt is UNBEARABLE. I worry constantly when hungover, feel depressed, have low blood sugar and am sick for days. Alot of people that drink heavily are hypoglycemic or addicted to simple sugar and carbs. Try to help yourself nutritionally and cut out sugars and eat healthy carbs. It conrols blood sugar which control cravings. Believe me I have been to a million doctors, alot of thinghs make it hard to quit drinking. A healthy diet helps!!
I am luck I was put on medication and cannot drink, and I am too scared to. So i won't. Bottom line, our lives our worth it!! I can't even stand the thought of not seeing my kids kids grow up. Especially because I poisoned my self to death with something I am allergic too. Plain and simple
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Old 12-22-2011, 02:46 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Hi lonelygal

Personally, I don't believe we can 'include someone else in our sobriety'.

I hope your husband will make his own decision and find his own way - but, in the end, his journey is his, this journey is yours.

I've never regretted my decision - I know you won't regret yours either

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Old 12-22-2011, 05:24 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Hi there. The biggest thing I'm learning (I'm 45 days into sobriety, after several failed attempts starging in May or June of this year... now I'm in AA and do it seriously and feel like it will stick this time!), is that my recovery is all about me. It's not about my boyfriend (who drinks... in fact seems to be drinking even more now that I'm sober... and I struggle with this) and it can't depend on what he does/says or what my friends or family members etc. do or say. It is for me and about me, period. I am not saying this is an easy lesson to be learning. It's very very hard as I really want my boyfriend to recover too, for us to do this together or at least for him to want me to be sober as much as I do. Well, that is not happening and I am slowly accepting that.

I will tell you that since I have stopped drinking and started working a recovery program, I feel so much better than before: emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually, just everything. And good things have happened to me career-wise already. I am much more productive, focused, and serene. And I am just starting out. It really is amazing (not to say there are not hard times, or ups and downs, because there are... but overall it is very, very worth it and you will not regret it!) And for the first time probably in my whole life, my attitude/general feelings of well-being and calm etc. are not influenced by what is going on around me as much. For instance after I had a GREAT AA meeting and was feeling on top of the world, I came home and my boyfriend was quite drunk, and then I found out he drank almost a fifth of vodka by himself that day... and normally this would torture me and change my mood, but, it's weird... yes I was upset and worried for him but I still had that good current of happiness underneath everything else. How *I* was didn't depend on how *he* was. So that's something huge that's been happening to me that I wanted to share with you. I am convinced you will be a much better wife, mother, and, most importantly, PERSON, if you focus on sobriety and recovery. There is absolutely nothing negative that can happen from it, and only positives. (You may have physical or emotional dependence and a variety of different feelings after quitting, but just remember they are temporary, and see your doctor if necessary, but in the long-run you will be much happier I think, so, stay steadfast in your goals. )

Good luck!!! Here's wishing you a happy holiday and a truly new start this upcoming year.
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Old 12-22-2011, 05:32 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Lonelygal - it takes courage to admit we're out of control with our drinking. You're wise to take a hard look at your behavior - binge drinking can easily become 24/7 drinking. Over time it takes more & more alcohol to achieve the same results. No amount was enough for me in the end. You can stop bad things from happening down the line - we'll be here to help.
You are so much more than the worst thing you've ever done. Fr. Greg Boyle

A little voice deep inside me said, "Hello, I am here." It was a small voice, & sounded as if it were buried underneath the cushions of my couch. It was my soul...I had forgotten it.

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