flamingredhair

It's hard not to get depressed. I used to be able to take a drink or leave it, and though that hasn't been the case for a very long time, I COULD go without alcohol without feeling nagging cravings. I guess that all changed somewhere between 2007 and 2009. And it sneaks up on you. One day (or so it seems) you're fine and the next, you can't wait to crack open a bottle.

I may be feeling anxious because treatment has ended and there's no one to give me a breath test every morning; I have no one to be accountable to now but myself.

I start Continuing Care tomorrow, which will help but it's just once a week for 8 weeks. Once the holidays are over (which won't be soon enough for me) things won't be so crazy and I can settle into meetings. I have two that I will go to so that along with CC will keep me busy for three days out of the week.

Trying to silence one's alcoholic brain is really, REALLY hard, though.

Just venting.

Dee74

I always find it's best to look forward FRH - or at least look how far you've come since you decided to do something about your problem

D

MemphisBlues

Flaming...It is depressing, but it would be far more depressing if we didn't continue on our journey towards sobriety.

For me, all I had was the prospect of making it to a meeting every day, sometimes twice a day. It got to the point where that is all I looked forward to.

But please remember that sobriety comes with a price, and the currency is commitment, surrender, and realizing we must reach out for help.

You're showing all three. Feel empowered by that.

flamingredhair

I'm trying Dee; I just have my moments.

Hevyn

I know just how you feel. It is a scary time, but also a hopeful one. You've closed the door on your old life, and a bright new one is beginning.

I'll never know when things changed from social to alcoholic drinking for me, either. It was fun and manageable, and then it was poison. It was the memory of the times when I did have control that kept me falling back on it. I wish it hadn't taken 3 dui's and all sorts of hell to finally convince me I couldn't touch a drop ever again.

The anxiety you're feeling now will begin to fade. It can't stay that intense for long. It's early days yet. As you said - you've been in treatment & now it's up to you - so you're a bit shaky about what lies ahead, understandably. I know you won't risk going back to square one, though. You've worked so hard to get to this point, and we're proud of you.

flamingredhair

Thank you, MB.

Itchy

Red,
I know what you mean. Just take it one day at a time. You are saying things will be better tomorrow and that they aren't right now. I remember when I was always going to quit tomorrow but tomorrow never came, until I decided that today was a good day to start. Being afraid and anxious is normal in the first few months but it passes. You are here and posting, and on the sometimes scary road to recovery. Can you maybe, just a little, focus on the miracle that you got sober, and have that second chance in hand that you so desperately wanted today? Congratulations on staying the course today!


Tomorrow you can come back and let us know what you decide then, let's stay in today.
:ghug3

Anna

It's not surprising that you're feeling anxious as your treatment is ending and a new phase beginning. But, you will become more comfortable, as time goes by.

Like you, I feel like my becoming an alcoholic happened so quickly, I was taken by surprise. If we knew the moment when we were going to cross that invisible line, we would have done things differently. But, I am grateful for this journey that I am on, and I think you will feel the same way before too long.

CaiHong

Flamingredhair,

It's healthy to have a good vent here on sober recovery. It's funny the more sober I get the less I have to say for myself. I am posting to show you support and to just say it really does get better.
I am coming up to 7 months sober and the strong cravings have left me, I feel optimistic about life.

Hang in there.
Merry Christmas
CaiHong

flamingredhair

Thank you!

flamingredhair

Thanks you all for the encouraging words of support. The cravings have subsided for now. Alcohol is a bast***.

sugarbear1

try staying in the moment, with practice.

stay stopped! it all keeps getting better & different!

Eddiebuckle

FRH,

Can I recommend a book to check out on the other four days of the week? It's called Under the Influence by James Milam. It cost me $8 new (paperback) at B&N and it helped me during early sobriety to know that what I was experiencing was normal. What you are feeling is not fun, but knowing that what you are feeling is evidence that you are healing helps a little. After all - the craving earlier tonight passed; that's progress. There was a time when I would go through four phases every day: hungover, merely crappy, craving and drunk. That you only crave part of the time is progress. And trust me, it does go away over time.

You can do this FRH. Two years ago today I woke up in rehab wondering what the hell happened to my life. As scary as that was, it was the turning point, and I have such gratitude for all those who helped me on my way to today.

Above all else, please don't give up before the miracle happens. For me sobriety is not spending the rest of your days wanting to drink (which is what I expected), it's living a life that I not merely endure - I love it.

Hang tough FRH - these first few "twenty four hours" are the hardest, but it gets better.

Good luck!

jocata

You are not alone in how you feel. If it were easy, every drunk would be sober. The fact that it is hard helps us to grow stronger. You can do it.
God bless.

Itchy

You're getting it!
1. Don't drink this moment, it will pass, do something else.
2. Repeat as needed.