justbreathenow

Hi everyone. I am feeling scared and hopeless. I have tried to control what I obviously cannot, and it is hard to come to terms with that. But I don't want to feel like this anymore, and I don't want the battle in my head to go on any longer. I tried to stop drinking last December and was successful for almost 3months. I never felt better, both physically and mentally during that time. But then I decided that maybe I could drink moderately and I thought I was doing ok. Sure enough though, I ended up right where I was when I stopped. So I am back again and happy to know about this board from the start.

Sapling

Be positive....You're in a good place. Alcohol scared the hell out of me too....But there is hope...You know...You've been there. Welcome!

DarrenW

Good luck. Are you attending AA, etc?

eddie73

Welcome.

are u totally beaten yet? I hope so. If there is any part of u that thinks that alcohol can still be a part of your life, then u need to fall even harder. If not, then u have a foundation to start from. I am looking forward to reading your posts and progress.!

soberjim

Welcome!...Glad you joined. I saw in you posts great big positive... you were successful for 3 months! That is great. You know you can do it!.

Joining here was a great idea..Keep posting and let everyone know how you are doing! You will find support here.

Jim

ISPYSOBRIETY

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Everytime you feel like this (remember the last time you quit drinking) and you hunker down, and you make it through.... you have just proven to yourself that YES, there is some discomfort at times. But I CAN MAKE IT and all I have to do, is nothing.... Just grab some cold water, sip on it and tell myself "Today, I'm cleansing my body... I will use ice cold bottled water to comfort my hand and I will use that water to sip on as I cleanse."

And you just know this passes by. You do not have to think long term. You just need to concentrate on todays cleansing.

justbreathenow

I tried AA last time and ended up really now liking it. It made me feel depressed rather than uplifted.

justbreathenow

That really made me smile. Thanks!

least

Welcome to the family. As is often said, take your sobriety one day at a time. Don't drink today, then tomorrow, do the same. I was a chronic relapser who's now got two years sober! I thought I was hopeless but I didn't give up on myself - with the help and support of the members here and my addiction counselor I made it and now am happily sober.

Philo34

Don't be... if you really want it, it will happen. I have 5 months and am working the steps in AA. Life is getting more fun every day. good luck

LaFemme

Hi and welcome!

You are no alone. I used SR when I got sober to give me inspiration and camaraderie. I now have 17 months sober and happy. I never thought I could do that...so if I can do it so can you (boy did I hate it when people told me that!)

Something that helped me was purging any and all positive thoughts about alcohol. I don't feel like I'm missing anything.

T

Elly40

Hi justbreathnow

I was scared too, I also gave up for three months prior and in that time I was feeling the best I had felt in years. Why did I drink? No idea really.

I'm now on day 45 but it feels different this time, I like to think that those three months was my trial run, this times for real.

I don't post a lot but I come here everyday and read, it's helping me so much. There are so many inspirational posts. I also post in the daily gratitude thread, it has made me realize I really do have lots to be grateful for without the booze.

Stay strong, You can do it.

Itchy

Don't be surprised if it is tougher now. I had to quit for several months in 2003 after a knee surgery when a clot made them prescribe Coumadin. Then again for a months when the other knee was done in 2007, that was tougher but not by much. I went downhill fast in the three years until I quit in 2010. From no withdrawal to terrible shakes and all kinds of ills to get better. I couldn't do it myself anymore and did in hospital detox/rehab, AA for the first three months only, SR from second week sober to now, and Docs counselors, family and friends, whatever it took. Using SR is a great start for you. Since you don't like AA if you only went once or twice you could try another group or two. I hated my first ever AA meeting that was a combo with NA. I found a group that suited me perfectly. But anyway I hope you have some local support too or go get some. But SR may be enough for you. I certainly wouldn't have done as well without everything I used. Many others have done it with less. The main thing is to do it.
Welcome and keep posting!

artsoul

Welcome justbreathenow!

Alcohol took me to that place of hopelessness, too. I lived on this forum at first, taking it one hour at a time. Things really do get better. Drinking used to be the only thing I looked forward to, and now I wouldn't trade my life for anything.

The good stuff will come back - it's just your addiction trying to convince you that you can't live without it. Not true!:ghug3

KingApe

You thought you could drink moderately and blew that theory out of the water! It's a good thing to know about oneself.

EmeraldRose

Welcome justbreathnow. I'm glad to hear you have some sober time so you know it's at least possible. But just do me a favor this time...don't try to drink moderately. In fact, don't drink at all! Peace.

SoberSueSLC

Welcome to the newcomer. I think forums are fun and can be supportive, but when I first got sober the thing that helped the most was to talk to some other sober alcoholics, look into their eyes, hear their voices, and have them share their experiences with me, most importantly, feel their love for me one on one. Try to get out to some meetings, get a sponsor. We alcoholics are escape artists and our disease thrives in isolation, to get that psychic change we need "real" not virtual people (although its helpful). If you really want to do this, you got to really do it.

Keep coming back.

Frankie12

Hi justbreathenow! Welcome to SR.

Your story sounds a lot like my own. I, too, tried to quit drinking repeatedly and one time was sober for 3 months until I started telling myself that all was well now, I was fine and could just drink in moderation.

That didn't work out as planned, and I always ended up in the same place as before.

I no longer beat myself up over those failed attempts at quitting, jbn. I now know that those attempts were life lessons and their purpose was to get me to understand that moderation, or controlled use, was not for me. I now know that I can not drink again. And I am quite ok with that. Alcohol has long ceased to be my "friend". I now know that the only way I can (and will) have the happiness and joy I want in my life is to not use alcohol at all.

UnkleDrunk

You and me are in the same boat. I wish I could spew positivity at you and tell you everything's gonna be alright. But I don't know. I once had a good friend say that just because you get sober, it doesn't mean life stops sucking. (That was his quote--no need to be so dark) But, life is going to keep doing what it does and now we actually have to feel it. So, it's not going to be easy, but if you're here, then it shows you have the strength to confront it. At least, that's what I tell myself, because I'm scared too.

ClimbingBack

It's been my experience that it helps to try several different meetings in your area. I have been to some really low quality meetings and some great ones. A meeting is only as good as the people in attendance. You might also benefit from looking into LifeRing and SMART Recovery meetings if they are available in your area, they offer a refreshing alternative to AA/NA, in my opinion.

I think it's important no matter how you do it to find a group of like-minded people you can talk to and express concerns without fear of being judged. SoberRecovery forums are a great place to do it, but being with people in person I find has very therapeutic benefits that can't be fully replicated online (in my opinion).

I would also highly recommend using this time and the money you've freed up from not drinking to start exercising regularly (if you don't already), eating healthier, and really taking care of yourself. I'm not saying you don't do these things already, but it can be really rewarding to spend time improving yourself instead of being hell-bent on self-destruction. For me, it just made the distance between my last use that much greater - I was able to look at myself in the mirror and say "See how much happy and healthier I am now vs. when I was getting high and drinking? Don't ever go back". Haha..sometimes vanity can be a powerful motivator also!

Great resource for starting out exercising with tons of support from fitness junkies, myself included is Reddit dot com slash r slash fitness (i can't post links yet, sorry)