guilt, guilt, guilt
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Great White North
Posts: 212
guilt, guilt, guilt
as from my heading, you can pretty much guess what this post is going to be about.
I have been doing really good lately, never quite able to find that 'pink cloud' that i encountered last year when i lasted 30 days without drinking.
ive managed to have sober periods, and not so sober periods. Lately anyways, after a extended time of drinking, i also had a nice extended time of being sober. I felt great, confident, proud. made it though xmas parties, leaving when i started to think maybe one beer wouldnt be such a bad idea and patting myself on the back the next morning....
then yesterday i got cocky. and caviler about my sobriety. and weak. and i didnt do anything to stop it. i got it in my mind i was going to drink. i mean after all 'i deserved it didnt i?! after being so good?" <----soooo know thats not right...and it was my 'beast' talking.
long story short, i gave in, i drank a bottle of wine last night, and i drank tonight too, but i feel different this time. yeah i feel the usual guilt/self hatred..but i also know, im going to get up tomorrow and start over, and im not going to drink. I dont want to, and i wont.
anyways, for selfish reasons, just really needed to confess that. thanks!
I have been doing really good lately, never quite able to find that 'pink cloud' that i encountered last year when i lasted 30 days without drinking.
ive managed to have sober periods, and not so sober periods. Lately anyways, after a extended time of drinking, i also had a nice extended time of being sober. I felt great, confident, proud. made it though xmas parties, leaving when i started to think maybe one beer wouldnt be such a bad idea and patting myself on the back the next morning....
then yesterday i got cocky. and caviler about my sobriety. and weak. and i didnt do anything to stop it. i got it in my mind i was going to drink. i mean after all 'i deserved it didnt i?! after being so good?" <----soooo know thats not right...and it was my 'beast' talking.
long story short, i gave in, i drank a bottle of wine last night, and i drank tonight too, but i feel different this time. yeah i feel the usual guilt/self hatred..but i also know, im going to get up tomorrow and start over, and im not going to drink. I dont want to, and i wont.
anyways, for selfish reasons, just really needed to confess that. thanks!
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: NJ
Posts: 48
Vanilla, I can totally relate and as much as you wish you didn't drink, I think it's progress that at least your mindset has changed, and you are ready to go for it again rather than keep drinking.
I too, relapsed lately after a few stretches of not drinking and feeling great. I read something the other day that was helpful and it was along these lines: there is a difference between abstinence and recovery. I don't know about you but abstinence is great, but its simply 'not drinking', we need to get past that and move on to a new life in recovery. I'm not sure if I worded that right but I think it basically means we might need to have more of a plan, and "do more" to ensure that we stay sober.
Nothing feels better than being sober, and it is so worth it!
I too, relapsed lately after a few stretches of not drinking and feeling great. I read something the other day that was helpful and it was along these lines: there is a difference between abstinence and recovery. I don't know about you but abstinence is great, but its simply 'not drinking', we need to get past that and move on to a new life in recovery. I'm not sure if I worded that right but I think it basically means we might need to have more of a plan, and "do more" to ensure that we stay sober.
Nothing feels better than being sober, and it is so worth it!
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