New to Sober Recovery
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: KY
Posts: 1
New to Sober Recovery
Hi everybody,
I am a 22 year old female and I am an addict. I have been a pain pill addict for the last 8 months or so and am finally on the road to recovery. I went to rehab for 5 days and detoxed and am now at home trying to make the best of every situation but I am struggling. When I was in rehab, it actually went easier than what I imagined it to be. I had been using opannas for quite some time and was highly addicted, both mentally and physically. The person that I had become was not a person that was recognizable to anyone, not even myself. I detxed in rehab and felt very confident that when I left, I would never use again. Being back home and thrown back into the real world where I am forced to face all of the situations that I messed up so badly while I was using has been much harder than I had thought. I have been out of rehab for close to two weeks and I have already relapsed three times. While I was in rehab, I had promised to myself that I would never touch another pain pill again but that promise was quickly broken when I suddenly had the urge and it's like my mind went back into auto-pilot as it did when I was using.
I have an amazing support system, a great family, awesome friends, and a phenomenal boyfriend who has been with me through this all. However, even with all of these amazing people in my life who are supporting me I still am struggling with staying clean. When I sit back and start to think about all of the things that I have done to hurt people is when I start to think about using again. Which, when I sit back and think about all the pain that I have caused people, the drugs should be the last thing on my mind. Unfortunately, they are the one thing that I do start to think of when I'm alone/hurt/sad/etc.
My father told me that this wasn't going to be an easy road to recovery and I now know that I cannot do this alone and I cannot do it merely with just people supporting me. My father emailed me this link and I am hoping that this can be a source of inspiration along with a source that I can come to and vent especially because the majority of these people in the blogs are going through or know someone who is going through what i am going through as well.
I am new to this site and am still a little unfamiliar with it all. I hope that I can soon become familiar with everything and can navigate through it effortlessly in the near future. If anyone has any suggestions or would just like to talk to me, I would be extremely happy considering that's one of the reasons why I have chosen this site. Good luck to everyone and I hope to be talking to some people very soon.
I am a 22 year old female and I am an addict. I have been a pain pill addict for the last 8 months or so and am finally on the road to recovery. I went to rehab for 5 days and detoxed and am now at home trying to make the best of every situation but I am struggling. When I was in rehab, it actually went easier than what I imagined it to be. I had been using opannas for quite some time and was highly addicted, both mentally and physically. The person that I had become was not a person that was recognizable to anyone, not even myself. I detxed in rehab and felt very confident that when I left, I would never use again. Being back home and thrown back into the real world where I am forced to face all of the situations that I messed up so badly while I was using has been much harder than I had thought. I have been out of rehab for close to two weeks and I have already relapsed three times. While I was in rehab, I had promised to myself that I would never touch another pain pill again but that promise was quickly broken when I suddenly had the urge and it's like my mind went back into auto-pilot as it did when I was using.
I have an amazing support system, a great family, awesome friends, and a phenomenal boyfriend who has been with me through this all. However, even with all of these amazing people in my life who are supporting me I still am struggling with staying clean. When I sit back and start to think about all of the things that I have done to hurt people is when I start to think about using again. Which, when I sit back and think about all the pain that I have caused people, the drugs should be the last thing on my mind. Unfortunately, they are the one thing that I do start to think of when I'm alone/hurt/sad/etc.
My father told me that this wasn't going to be an easy road to recovery and I now know that I cannot do this alone and I cannot do it merely with just people supporting me. My father emailed me this link and I am hoping that this can be a source of inspiration along with a source that I can come to and vent especially because the majority of these people in the blogs are going through or know someone who is going through what i am going through as well.
I am new to this site and am still a little unfamiliar with it all. I hope that I can soon become familiar with everything and can navigate through it effortlessly in the near future. If anyone has any suggestions or would just like to talk to me, I would be extremely happy considering that's one of the reasons why I have chosen this site. Good luck to everyone and I hope to be talking to some people very soon.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,418
Welcome mls1126 
You'll find a lot of support here - it's good to have you with us
You may also want to check out our substance abuse forum:
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
D
You'll find a lot of support here - it's good to have you with us
You may also want to check out our substance abuse forum:
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
mls,
Welcome to the forum.
While you are figuring out your footing, the ONLY way not to use pills is to eliminate ALL ACCESS to them.
How did you get your hands on pills to relapse with?
I don't say that to be accusatory. I really don't. It's just that you can't use what you don't have, and if you didn't cut off your route to relapse BEFORE coming home, then you had already hatched a plan to derail your own recovery. Whether you realize it or not.
Setting up NO ACCESS to your drug, seriously NO access AT ALL, no way, no how, no matter HOW much you want it, is the ONLY way to assure yourself you will not use. Otherwise, in those moments where you feel horrible and you have no other tool but your drug, well you know where that is going to go.
I would advise that you gather ALL your resources together in terms of WHO is going to notice if you use again. Get your dad, your friends, your doctor, everyone who has an interest in your staying clean, and figure out a way to stop yourself before the temptation arises. And then, when it does, and it WILL, you will know what to do.
Without this backup plan, you are dooming yourself to keep using.
You decide. It really is up to you. You are not bad, or weak, or any other bad thing you are probably calling yourself. You are just a human being, and as humans, we fail. But you can also succeed this. What better time than now, with your whole life ahead of you. That may seem daunting now, but detox is just a short stint. The next part is learning how to live without your drug. It's hard, but you can do it.
Please come join us on the substance abuse thread. There are lots of good stories and people to help you there.
FT
Welcome to the forum.
While you are figuring out your footing, the ONLY way not to use pills is to eliminate ALL ACCESS to them.
How did you get your hands on pills to relapse with?
I don't say that to be accusatory. I really don't. It's just that you can't use what you don't have, and if you didn't cut off your route to relapse BEFORE coming home, then you had already hatched a plan to derail your own recovery. Whether you realize it or not.
Setting up NO ACCESS to your drug, seriously NO access AT ALL, no way, no how, no matter HOW much you want it, is the ONLY way to assure yourself you will not use. Otherwise, in those moments where you feel horrible and you have no other tool but your drug, well you know where that is going to go.
I would advise that you gather ALL your resources together in terms of WHO is going to notice if you use again. Get your dad, your friends, your doctor, everyone who has an interest in your staying clean, and figure out a way to stop yourself before the temptation arises. And then, when it does, and it WILL, you will know what to do.
Without this backup plan, you are dooming yourself to keep using.
You decide. It really is up to you. You are not bad, or weak, or any other bad thing you are probably calling yourself. You are just a human being, and as humans, we fail. But you can also succeed this. What better time than now, with your whole life ahead of you. That may seem daunting now, but detox is just a short stint. The next part is learning how to live without your drug. It's hard, but you can do it.
Please come join us on the substance abuse thread. There are lots of good stories and people to help you there.
FT
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1,028
What a great dad you have! This place is wonderful and you will find that no matter when you post there is someone here.
There is a lot of good reading throughout this site too that would really help you.
Getting off pain pills is tough but it can be done. Glad you are here.
There is a lot of good reading throughout this site too that would really help you.
Getting off pain pills is tough but it can be done. Glad you are here.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
What a nice message! Welcome to the site. There are lots of wise and experienced folks on it who have been through just what you're going through. It's wonderful that you have such good support in your family, friends and boyfriend. Along with that it might be wise to look into getting support from some kind of local group, like NA or some other group which deals with pills. That, along with this website, SR, should give you a good chance of recovery. Good luck!
W.
W.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: louisville ky
Posts: 1
The response from failed taper hit the nail on the head. Mls1126 wrote this post out while skipping out on a family event that she promised to be at . It was something for her 9 yr old brother. I am her dad. I can offer all the support in the world and will continue so for her. But , like I have read , she is skilled at saying what you want to hear . Actions speak volumes, words from someone who continues to lie mean very little. I hope that everyone in this site can help my daughter to break this cycle of deception. I keep telling her, tomorrow is the 1st day of the rest of your life make it what you want it to be. I pray that someday she believes it. I love you mls1126!
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