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Husband is an active crack user

Old 12-16-2011, 10:35 PM
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Husband is an active crack user

Need Help now, husband has been using and hiding his use for months now, we are at least making attempts to have conversation, the lies the lack the hiding, however, I am hurting, I am not a user, I have never tried crack, he has admitted his use, but not how long, nor how much. Today he says he went to a counselor, ( I no longer trust what he says). Whatever steps he takes to curb or seek help are fine, I am fed up. I am hurting and empty. His weight loss, the wasted food, the time loss, the disconnected power, the missing bill money. Sure he needs help with his addiction, I need help living with him. He's totaled 2 cars, takes no responsibility for his actions and expects complete trust. Yes I am a newcomer, and need conversation, Not to tear him down, he's already a shattered man. I need something to strenghten me. I don't know how ato attend a meeting, actually I don't know if there is one for the partners of a user who is a non-user, and what if I find a group for me, an explode- at this point, if another crack user asks for spare change or a cigerette I may tell them exactly what is on my mind, and at this point right now that's a dangerous statement.
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Old 12-17-2011, 12:41 AM
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There are lots of places to get help... check out the Friends and Family of Substance Abusers forum here.. also go to an Al Anon or Nar Anon meeting.
Crack is evil. I've been exactly where you are... you may want to check out a website called crackreality.com
I'm sorry and grieve for what you are going through. But the only thing you can do is learn, get support, and take care of YOURSELF.. there's nothing you can do to help him except to stop helping/enabling him. It took me a long time to understand that. If I stayed, moved out, helped him financially, gave him nothing, divorced him, stopped having sex with him.. none of it made any difference... he always continued to use. I moved out. He is still using. You are in a very vulnerable place... please get help for yourself. And stop listening to his promises.. stop trying to negotiate with him.. stop trying to get something rational from someone with self-imposed mental illness... sobriety isn't a negotiation (as someone told me here..) he either wants it or not. Also, you either want to help yourself or not.. My prayers are with you... I know this is the hardest thing in the world...
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Old 12-17-2011, 12:58 AM
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I second the Al-Anon meeting idea; you will find support and advice there that is highly valuable.

You will need to protect your finances and assets; think about how to do that. Do you have family nearby who can help you? A friend network?

Best wishes to you in this hard place.
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Old 12-17-2011, 01:59 AM
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Hey Intouch...Welcome. I'm sorry to hear your situation, as I put my Ex-wife through too many years of misery. Not with crack....alcohol was enough to do it for me. Good advice above....Some kind of group support would be a big help. How do you go to a meeting?....First find one...And then show up. I recommend it.
I don't know a lot about crack cocaine....other than it is super addictive. You definetly need to cut off his money supply...Get whatever help you can get from his family and yours. It may not be a bad idea to get out of there for awhile....Most important thing for you...Is to take care of you.
You know...my wife finally got tired of my bull**** and her leaving was...after a few more years of drinking, a major part of why I finally seeked help for myself. Her and everyone else I hurt...Basically anybody I came into contact with. It's a tragic thing to watch and it's a tragic thing to live...For both of you. The worse part about is...You can't make him stop...That's his job....Just like it was mine. I guess to make this simple as I can....The best thing you can concentrate on now...Sad to say...Is doing what's best for you. The rest will fall where it may. I'll send a prayer for you today...That can never hurt.
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Old 12-17-2011, 02:19 AM
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Hi Intouch

Like others have said there certainly are Nar-Anon meetings and support for those affected by someone else's addiction.

About Nar-Anon

We also have Family and Friends forums here
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

You undeniably need support too.
I know you'll find a lot of support on SR no matter where you post

Welcome
D
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