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Old 12-16-2011, 12:18 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Four months


I hit the 4 month mark on the 11th and really feel like all the cravings should be gone by now but they really are not and I'm very frustrated. I know I've talked about this before, but every day it becomes more and more clear that truly the only thing I have (had) in common is getting drunk together. I find myself (or my alcoholic voice) telling me that I can just have a glass of wine when we go out to dinner, or on New Years Eve, special occasions and that's it. It is driving me crazy. We are supposed to go to a couples house for a New Years Eve party and literally everyone there including my husband will be pounding back drinks. Being the only sober person in the room sounds miserable to me. What do I do? How can I fight this "alcoholic voice", and will it ever go away?!
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Old 12-16-2011, 12:28 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi Eliasson,

I don't have a reply (I am at work), just wanted to say congratulations on your four months of sobriety. Holidays are tough, no doubt about it.
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Old 12-16-2011, 12:32 PM   #3 (permalink)
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No Eliasson, the addictive voice will never be completely extinguished. It does quiet down in time though. Still, you must always remain aware of its existence and what it seeks. For me, I had just shy of 11 years of abstinence, and my AV was for the most part pretty silent. Until it wasn't. Now I am a newcomer just like so many others here. I now believe that hearing the AV and learning its ways is a good thing. This is a total shift in perspective for me. Congrats on the 4 months. Stay with it. It does become easier.
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Old 12-16-2011, 01:04 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Eliasson, you've mentioned your alcoholic voice. To me, this says that learning more about it and how it works might be helpful for you.

To do this, you can go to the forum here at SR called Secular Connections and look at the thread called AVRT Discussion, currently in Part 3. This means that this topic has seen over 1000 posts. I particularly like the stuff written in Part 3 so far, but you can start at the beginning if you wish.

See if the idea of Alcoholic Voice Recognition Technique will help you. It made a world of difference to me.
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Old 12-16-2011, 01:09 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Eliasson, Congratulations on 4 months. Focus on your accomplishment. Harnass what you have learned in the past 4 months to stay sober. I would strongly encourage you to skip the party or take a sober buddy with you. I think it is too early in sobriety to be in an environment where everyone is drinking. Your addictive voice is already starting up just thinking of the party and assuming it will be miserable if you don't drink. Please come up with a alternate plan and make it to 5 months. You will be so happy and proud of yourself.
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Old 12-16-2011, 02:28 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Congratulations Eliasson thats a great achievement

Have you thought anymore about support for your alcoholism? Are you using anything besides us?

Have you thought more about counselling for yourself with the stresses of looking after your son, and your fears about your marriage?

I don't want to badger you, but I do think supports really important - especially when those thoughts start to creep in.

It's hard to deal with everyone on our own.

Like Tanja said - focus on your accomplishment and maybe rethink this NYE thing if you're already sweating about it.

You've come a long way, in the face of some pretty big obstacles - you're an inspiration to a lot of us

You can do this

D
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Old 12-16-2011, 02:46 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Congrats on your sobriety to date. I would skip the party if I was in that situation.
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Old 12-16-2011, 03:00 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Eliasson,

Congrats on your four months! I also would recommend to read over the AVRT thread. It explains the whole addictive voice and gives technique for coping with it.

Love from Lenina
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Old 12-16-2011, 05:31 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Congrats on your four months sober!! I'd suggest you make a list of all the things you like about being sober, no matter how small. i'm grateful every day and it strengthens my sobriety.
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Old 12-16-2011, 05:46 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Part of being sober is learning how to live in world with alcohol. At some point you will be faced with challenges like this up coming social event of yours. Your the only person who knows your true limits of strength. For me, that wouldnt have flown for me. No way would I even have put myself in a situation of that type of drinking nature. I did on the other hand put myself in situation where drink was around. I went to a friends house where I knew he would be drinking. But he also knew I was recently sober. It was more of a test on my part to see how I would feel around alcohol again. I could leave at anytime, and my friend would understand if I did.

As for the results, I felt just fine. But if your situation it seems like you wouldnt feel fine. It seems to be that it actually might be pretty dangerous for you to even go. But again, you are the only one who knows your limits.

As for the alcoholic voice, well take a look at this post a wrote a few weeks back.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...oderation.html

We can NEVER drink in moderation. Don't try and lie to yourself. The results will always end the same. Back where you were before you come here. Just have a look at the above post. It might help

Stay strong!

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Old 12-16-2011, 06:14 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Congratulations on your 4 months. That is fantastic.

As for the intrusive thoughts...Here is what I did: It's basically AVRT.

I knew intellectually that I couldn't ever drink again. So any thought that conflicted with that is an alcoholic thought.

"Oh maybe I can have a glass of champagne on NYE".
Right. That's a stupid, alcoholic thing to think. I guess I'm still an alcoholic lol".

I would literally run that through my head. 'Calling out' the thought for what it is. Nonsensical, alcoholic BS.

I tried not to get too upset by it. Kind of faked it 'til I made it.

I agree with Dee though and wonder too where you are wrt your marriage etc.

Sending you good thoughts and hugs.
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