eddie73

I am over 3 months sober. In fact, I have put together an impressive amount of sober time in the last 4 years, bar a few slips.

I do not count the slips as wiping the slate of going back to alcoholic activity. I know that this would be the grey area needed for my alcoholic mind to go back drinking again.

This is something I dont have in me to do again. I have lost my physical and mental obsession with alcohol. Despite one dream of alcohol in the past week I am truly sober.

However, I am struggling. At least I am today anyway. A few weeks ago it happened me too. Darkness came into my head and threatened my sanity. I can only pray when this happens. It happened me again today, it was fairly bad. I am coming out the other side of this and am in a better place now, however, it is very very difficult to be positive, when this happens. I feel alien and cut off.

My alcoholic mind is active today. It was active even before I drank. It was doing this to me as a child. I wish I were boring and sensible. I am tired of this game.

SSIL75

Sorry to hear you're having a tough day.

You have a mental health diagnosis - some kind of depression right? (it was something I hadn't heard of before). Is that under control?

eddie73

HI there, I have dysthymic disorder with major depressive episodes. In short, I am a depressive with depression. I can climb so high before I hit the glass ceiling and then it all begins again. My drinking was always to get as far out of my head as possible, and then some more. Praying regularly and feeling lost.

Dee74

are you seeing a therapist Eddie?
Can you call them?

there's always a lot of support here too of course

Maybe you could do something you like to do this weekend?
D

1undone

Eddie, I understand how you are feeling as I deal with these issues myself. For me this time of year is harder for me because I see others having all kinds of fun. I start comparing myself and feel defective. I also have trouble with how short the day light is. Suppose I could go on. You aren't alone!

SSIL75

Are you on medication for it? Is there a medication for it? Are you sleeping enough?

eddie73

Thanks for your replies guys. i am on meds, yes. Lexapro. My sponsor advised me to stop it and this turned out to be a disaster. I went back taking it. It worked again after about a week. I had 2 good weeks and now 2 nights of total sleeplessness. i have had to work 2 full days on top of this and am working again today. I might as well have been drinking last few days I felt so bad in bed last night. I was dry retching with stress and my heart was pounding all night. I dont want to and really cant go on much longer like this. It is a nightmare of a roller coaster.

dawnrunner

I don't think your sponsor should be giving you medical advice. Or if he/she is otherwise a great sponsor, fine; but I don't think you should be taking medical advice from anybody but your doctors.

I hope you are feeling better and can get some good quality sleep. Does exercise help?