Tired of it sometimes
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
In my view, the action phase of recovery involves a "Point A" and a "Point B". At the start, Point A, you've just quit drinking and your life is upside down; at Point B, you're comfortable navigating life without alcohol.
Few, if any, of us are magically teleported from Point A to Point B. It's a change process and it's bouncy as hell. Some days we feel great and strong. Other days, not so much. Over time it all does get easier. We heal; we figure things out; our lives start to make more sense. But it takes time, and it's helpful to remember as the process unfolds that there is nothing wrong. It's kind of like giving birth: it hurts, but the pain doesn't mean we're doing anything wrong, it's a natural part of the process. And in the end, you're left with something very beautiful.
Few, if any, of us are magically teleported from Point A to Point B. It's a change process and it's bouncy as hell. Some days we feel great and strong. Other days, not so much. Over time it all does get easier. We heal; we figure things out; our lives start to make more sense. But it takes time, and it's helpful to remember as the process unfolds that there is nothing wrong. It's kind of like giving birth: it hurts, but the pain doesn't mean we're doing anything wrong, it's a natural part of the process. And in the end, you're left with something very beautiful.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
Originally Posted by Linz 
I was SO obsessed with NOT drinking whenever I quit for a mere 19 days earlier this year. Everything I did revolved around not drinking, because when I drink, I do it every day, in a few different bars, and it takes up hours and hours of my time.
Back when I had thought that I smashed the addiction to alcohol by just "not drinking," and was feeling way too obsessed with the sobriety aspect, I was told (on this message board,) that being obsessed about a new found sobriety seems like a better deal that drinking heavily every day just to pay for it the next day... don't you think?
Anyhow, I'm trying to quit again, and I still get obsessive about abstinence and sobriety... but as I've been told, it IS a ton better than drinking everything away. Drinking myself into an oblivion.
I've had friends quit, and for the first few months they tended to obsess for sure, 100%. But as time went on, and they found new things to do outside of bars and drinking, they seemed a lot happier, they didn't obsess as much, and they just finally enjoyed their lives!
Back when I had thought that I smashed the addiction to alcohol by just "not drinking," and was feeling way too obsessed with the sobriety aspect, I was told (on this message board,) that being obsessed about a new found sobriety seems like a better deal that drinking heavily every day just to pay for it the next day... don't you think?
Anyhow, I'm trying to quit again, and I still get obsessive about abstinence and sobriety... but as I've been told, it IS a ton better than drinking everything away. Drinking myself into an oblivion.
I've had friends quit, and for the first few months they tended to obsess for sure, 100%. But as time went on, and they found new things to do outside of bars and drinking, they seemed a lot happier, they didn't obsess as much, and they just finally enjoyed their lives!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
Thanks everyone. I am trying to figure out what triggers me so I can become stronger in my decision. Right now I am staying sober but I have wanted to drink during these two days more often/frequently than I have wanted to drink the entire other 40 days (at least it feels that way). I'm like, wth is going on that I was feeling great and strong about not drinking and now I keep having wavering thoughts? :-( The job change is big and scary but I think it's more just, the newness of sobriety wearing off and my old demons wanting to come back out to play.
Today I went to a burger place for lunch with a co-worker who is also leaving the company... she and I are on a similar path career-wise right now and have both been unhappy working at the company, so, we were discussing our respective plans and when/how to give notice and the transition etc. The burger place also serves microbrew beers and wine (which I didn't know before we went there... I'm not sure it would have affected my decision of where to go because usually eating in a place that serves alcohol hasn't really affected me negatively at all), and I started thinking how I just want to be able to relax with a beer, as in, today and in the future, just to be able to do it. Obviously I know it wouldn't be just one beer but I was thinking how it would be nice to just drink and not have to worry about things so much. Some guys I used to work with at a different company came in and ordered beer with lunch and I felt jealous. I eventually reasoned my way out of it and reminded myself I worried a lot when I drank and my life was miserable and it makes no sense to want to be able to drink it when I know I can't and I also know I'm better off that way. But it was rather annoying to have to fight with myself mentally-- I wanted to be able to focus on the conversation with my co-worker and just forget about alcohol but I couldn't! That is the most frustrating thing for me right now. Going to meetings helps just because it takes my mind off drinking, reminds me why I am doing this and that there is hope and that other people have come through it and seem happier now. It's nice to know this is a normal phase and I appreciate everyone's helpful comments. Thank you.
Today I went to a burger place for lunch with a co-worker who is also leaving the company... she and I are on a similar path career-wise right now and have both been unhappy working at the company, so, we were discussing our respective plans and when/how to give notice and the transition etc. The burger place also serves microbrew beers and wine (which I didn't know before we went there... I'm not sure it would have affected my decision of where to go because usually eating in a place that serves alcohol hasn't really affected me negatively at all), and I started thinking how I just want to be able to relax with a beer, as in, today and in the future, just to be able to do it. Obviously I know it wouldn't be just one beer but I was thinking how it would be nice to just drink and not have to worry about things so much. Some guys I used to work with at a different company came in and ordered beer with lunch and I felt jealous. I eventually reasoned my way out of it and reminded myself I worried a lot when I drank and my life was miserable and it makes no sense to want to be able to drink it when I know I can't and I also know I'm better off that way. But it was rather annoying to have to fight with myself mentally-- I wanted to be able to focus on the conversation with my co-worker and just forget about alcohol but I couldn't! That is the most frustrating thing for me right now. Going to meetings helps just because it takes my mind off drinking, reminds me why I am doing this and that there is hope and that other people have come through it and seem happier now. It's nice to know this is a normal phase and I appreciate everyone's helpful comments. Thank you.
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Pigtails,
We all know. That was what alcohol did for us. But the right word is not relax. It actually took away the stress by making us forget about the stress. Problem is that we can't get major important things done while Under the influence as well as when we are sober.
For me the early issues that made me feel that way was when I did things and felt I wasn't as good as I used to be, and wasn't as good as I thought. Of course that brings on fear and the urge to get away from the fear and us alcoholics used alcohol for that.
That was where SR and AA helped me immensely. I realized that no matter where I ran, nor how far, I always brought myself with me. Running to alcohol made things worse.
But in early sobriety you feel the good things even more so, not being dulled chemically, and the stress feels more raw too. That may be why so many relapse, I don't know I am no expert having only done this once.
I can tell you that passes as you get used to feeling again. Feeling pain is not a bad thing, as if we couldn't feel pain and we leaned on a hot stove we would not know to remove it before the damage was great! That fear of the unknown is normal, and changing jobs is right up there in the top 10 stressful things in life along with moving to another town, divorce, and loss of a loved one. Changing jobs is a biggie no doubt.
You can try to channel that fear into adrenaline action and energy, or trembling and fear. Funny thing is that we were worse drinking than sober and suddenly we aren't doing well enough for ourselves!
I accepted that OK it was good enough before, so good enough for now, and since I was such a critic, I could either get used to my less than stellar performances and sit on my duff, or practice and strive for better, since drinking was no longer an option by my own choice.
No one could help me accept that, only tell me they felt it too. Somehow, that helped me get through it. And over myself.
We all know. That was what alcohol did for us. But the right word is not relax. It actually took away the stress by making us forget about the stress. Problem is that we can't get major important things done while Under the influence as well as when we are sober.
For me the early issues that made me feel that way was when I did things and felt I wasn't as good as I used to be, and wasn't as good as I thought. Of course that brings on fear and the urge to get away from the fear and us alcoholics used alcohol for that.
That was where SR and AA helped me immensely. I realized that no matter where I ran, nor how far, I always brought myself with me. Running to alcohol made things worse.
But in early sobriety you feel the good things even more so, not being dulled chemically, and the stress feels more raw too. That may be why so many relapse, I don't know I am no expert having only done this once.
I can tell you that passes as you get used to feeling again. Feeling pain is not a bad thing, as if we couldn't feel pain and we leaned on a hot stove we would not know to remove it before the damage was great! That fear of the unknown is normal, and changing jobs is right up there in the top 10 stressful things in life along with moving to another town, divorce, and loss of a loved one. Changing jobs is a biggie no doubt.
You can try to channel that fear into adrenaline action and energy, or trembling and fear. Funny thing is that we were worse drinking than sober and suddenly we aren't doing well enough for ourselves!
I accepted that OK it was good enough before, so good enough for now, and since I was such a critic, I could either get used to my less than stellar performances and sit on my duff, or practice and strive for better, since drinking was no longer an option by my own choice.
No one could help me accept that, only tell me they felt it too. Somehow, that helped me get through it. And over myself.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
Originally Posted by Itchy
Pigtails,
We all know. That was what alcohol did for us. But the right word is not relax. It actually took away the stress by making us forget about the stress. Problem is that we can't get major important things done while Under the influence as well as when we are sober.
For me the early issues that made me feel that way was when I did things and felt I wasn't as good as I used to be, and wasn't as good as I thought. Of course that brings on fear and the urge to get away from the fear and us alcoholics used alcohol for that.
That was where SR and AA helped me immensely. I realized that no matter where I ran, nor how far, I always brought myself with me. Running to alcohol made things worse.
But in early sobriety you feel the good things even more so not being dulled chemically, and the stress feels more raw too. That may be why so many relapse, I don't know I am no expert having only done this once.
I can tell you that passes as you get used to feeling again. Feeling pain is not a bad thing, as if we couldn't feel pain and we leaned on a hot stove we would not know to remove it before the damage was great! That fear of the unknown is normal, and changing jobs is tight up there in the top 10 stressful things in life along with moving to another town, divorce, and loss of a loved one. Changing jobs is a biggie no doubt.
You can try to channel that fear into adrenaline action and energy, or trembling and fear. Funny thing is that we were worse drinking than sober and suddenly we aren't doing well enough for ourselves!
I accepted that OK it was good enough before, so good enough for now, and since I was such a critic, I could either get used to my less than stellar performances and sit on my duff, or practice and strive for better, since drinking was no longer an option by my own choice.
No one could help me accept that, only tell me they felt it too. Somehow, that helped me get through it. And over myself.
We all know. That was what alcohol did for us. But the right word is not relax. It actually took away the stress by making us forget about the stress. Problem is that we can't get major important things done while Under the influence as well as when we are sober.
For me the early issues that made me feel that way was when I did things and felt I wasn't as good as I used to be, and wasn't as good as I thought. Of course that brings on fear and the urge to get away from the fear and us alcoholics used alcohol for that.
That was where SR and AA helped me immensely. I realized that no matter where I ran, nor how far, I always brought myself with me. Running to alcohol made things worse.
But in early sobriety you feel the good things even more so not being dulled chemically, and the stress feels more raw too. That may be why so many relapse, I don't know I am no expert having only done this once.
I can tell you that passes as you get used to feeling again. Feeling pain is not a bad thing, as if we couldn't feel pain and we leaned on a hot stove we would not know to remove it before the damage was great! That fear of the unknown is normal, and changing jobs is tight up there in the top 10 stressful things in life along with moving to another town, divorce, and loss of a loved one. Changing jobs is a biggie no doubt.
You can try to channel that fear into adrenaline action and energy, or trembling and fear. Funny thing is that we were worse drinking than sober and suddenly we aren't doing well enough for ourselves!
I accepted that OK it was good enough before, so good enough for now, and since I was such a critic, I could either get used to my less than stellar performances and sit on my duff, or practice and strive for better, since drinking was no longer an option by my own choice.
No one could help me accept that, only tell me they felt it too. Somehow, that helped me get through it. And over myself.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,146
PT, if actually getting a sponsor and going through all the steps would allow you to live the remainder of your life sober and free, would you do that?
Or do you want to be temporarily sober here and there and have to drag yourself back into AA every so often and tell people it's for sure different this time?
It's all about continual choices. Seems you're at one of those choice points.
Or do you want to be temporarily sober here and there and have to drag yourself back into AA every so often and tell people it's for sure different this time?
It's all about continual choices. Seems you're at one of those choice points.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Texas, a state of mind
Posts: 380
I know that twinge of envy at the beer guys!!
A thought about AA: When I was in outpatient rehab, our counselor had a really great take on the 12 steps. He genuinely believed in them as a spiritual improvement program that everybody could benefit from, no matter whether they had addiction issues or not. He presented them that way, as something that will just make your life better if you take them seriously.
So, AA meetings where people share stories are one thing, and a serious effort at understanding and applying the 12 steps is another thing. Both can be helpful, but I think often the popular image of AA is just the meetings without the program.
I have found a lot of wisdom in those steps.
Best wishes to you and well done on the burger place challenge!
A thought about AA: When I was in outpatient rehab, our counselor had a really great take on the 12 steps. He genuinely believed in them as a spiritual improvement program that everybody could benefit from, no matter whether they had addiction issues or not. He presented them that way, as something that will just make your life better if you take them seriously.
So, AA meetings where people share stories are one thing, and a serious effort at understanding and applying the 12 steps is another thing. Both can be helpful, but I think often the popular image of AA is just the meetings without the program.
I have found a lot of wisdom in those steps.
Best wishes to you and well done on the burger place challenge!
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