Day number 5 and I'm dying
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Hilton Head Island, SC
Posts: 33
Day number 5 and I'm dying
sober for 5 days now and i feel like pulling every strand of my hair out individually until i look like vin deisel. What doesnt help is my family who im currently living with in SC. My mom is driving me up a goddamn wall and I'm on the verge of breaking down just because i have to spend time with her. I know she loves me and all and means well but DAMN i have never wanted to get messed up more than right now. It's like every little thing we say to each other turns into an argument. its getting to the point where we cant even be near each other without fighting. Even when we say nothing theres just this epic tension that pisses everyone around us off. I dunno if its me and the fact that i am definitly having moodswings or if its that a mother-son relationship at this age is always stressed (i am 21) or if its that shes just a grumpy old lady who is taking out life frustrations on me. Regardless if things keep going on this way i am going to explode. but i lasted 5 days which is pretty good and I even managed to decline a beer that was offered to me yesterday so im proud of that. i just cant handle this confusiion anymore!!!
[EDIT]
Is it possible to escape reality without substances? Cause sometimes i catch myself ignoring my surroundings and thinking way too hard about nothing just because.
[EDIT]
Is it possible to escape reality without substances? Cause sometimes i catch myself ignoring my surroundings and thinking way too hard about nothing just because.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: NS, Canada
Posts: 160
Hi Brain. Nice job on 5 days. I'm sorry that things feel stressed with your mom. I have a 22 year old at home (and an 18 year old). I find what works with us is A: being real (no head games or drama), B: being respectful and generally "nice" (we're all adults afterall), and C: personal space. I've always subtly made a point at home that these things were important. Attitudes get left outside. 
That said, I know that A and B would probably suffer somewhat in my house if we didn't have C as well. But it all goes both ways, and it begins with communication.. and "picking your battles" .. i.e., knowing when to pursue a subject and also when it would be better and more peaceful to walk away from one. And if there has been an argument, letting go of the "who is going to make the first gesture of kindness" thing is really important too. A little "hello" in the morning or "how was your day" in the evening, or a smile and a little humour, really feel good - no matter who does it first.
(Learning to decide what is "stress-worthy" has really helped me in my own sobriety to avoid unnecessary anxiety.)
Btw, are you in school and/or do you work? My "kids" are, and I think that helps with personal space as well. That, and their own rooms - lol.
It all begins with respectful, calm, adult-to-adult communication.
Anyway, this is just stuff that works for me. Every home/relationship is different. Hope all goes well for you both.
That said, I know that A and B would probably suffer somewhat in my house if we didn't have C as well. But it all goes both ways, and it begins with communication.. and "picking your battles" .. i.e., knowing when to pursue a subject and also when it would be better and more peaceful to walk away from one. And if there has been an argument, letting go of the "who is going to make the first gesture of kindness" thing is really important too. A little "hello" in the morning or "how was your day" in the evening, or a smile and a little humour, really feel good - no matter who does it first.
(Learning to decide what is "stress-worthy" has really helped me in my own sobriety to avoid unnecessary anxiety.)
Btw, are you in school and/or do you work? My "kids" are, and I think that helps with personal space as well. That, and their own rooms - lol.
It all begins with respectful, calm, adult-to-adult communication.
Anyway, this is just stuff that works for me. Every home/relationship is different.
Hope all goes well for you both.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,427
Hi again brainsoup
I think what you're feeling is pretty usual for 5 days...it can be a real emotional rollercoaster.
Just because we're no longer running from reality by drinking or drugging doesn't mean we have to stay in stressful situations and simply grin and bear it.
Is there something you can do to get away for a while - go for a walk, listen to music in your room etc? sometimes it's good to cultivate a little you time and some personal space
what support do you have besides us?
D
I think what you're feeling is pretty usual for 5 days...it can be a real emotional rollercoaster.
Just because we're no longer running from reality by drinking or drugging doesn't mean we have to stay in stressful situations and simply grin and bear it.
Is there something you can do to get away for a while - go for a walk, listen to music in your room etc? sometimes it's good to cultivate a little you time and some personal space
what support do you have besides us?
D
or just tell her what she wants to hear for a bit until you get some time under your belt.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Hilton Head Island, SC
Posts: 33
I got my friends but most of them are users who dont have the problems i do when i use. Ive been trying to get back in touch with my old friends but i feel like im just chasing the past by doing that. And my dog just chewed up my expensive headphones so i feel like imma have a kiniption if thats even a thing. I just got a gym membership and a bicycle so imma try to release some stress like that. Another thing thats getting to me is that my some of my user friends are seeing what im doing and copying me. sometimes they treat me like im some sort of all-knowing leader but i dont have a clue what im doing. Clearly i am all over the place right now. I just want to go back to philly where things make sense but i know the only reason they made sense in philly was because i was so ****** up. Wheres a rock i can crawl under?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,427
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1,028
Why don't you read some autobiographies about addicts? There are some great ones. 5 days is great, but usually about the day for me where the obsession to use is so intense that without professional support or AA I can't get through it. ;(
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