A New Day
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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As I said to someone else this morning - Today's the only day that counts. You can't do nothing about yesterday and of course tomorrow is tomorrow. So the only way someone can have more sobriety than you is if they got up earlier.
Tell yourself - I won't drink today - I won't take that first drink today. Tomorrow, maybe, but not today.
REPEAT
Tell yourself - I won't drink today - I won't take that first drink today. Tomorrow, maybe, but not today.
REPEAT
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Alaska
Posts: 1,458
Yet again. My God I feel like a broken record. I'm so tired.
This morning my alarm woke me up at 550am just like usual. And just like usual I felt so tired. I fight not to go back to sleep. The grogginess continues, getting myself ready for work. Getting my son ready for summer camp. Feeding him breakfast.
Even now. I brought a Monster drink with me to help a bit with the energy. I'm going to need something to get through this day.
Yesterday I got hit by some MASSIVE cravings that came out of nowhere and fast!
I couldn't believe how loudly my AV was talking. Still though, I went to the shoppette (where I used to purchase all my wine and vodka/gin) and I purchased some ready made burgers and buns to make for dinner last night. I purchased a Sobe Pina colada (no those do not contain alcohol), some beef jerky, and some peppermint patties.
I walked away without a single bottle of alcohol. No wine. No vodka. No gin. Actually the biggest craving was for the wine. But nope. Walked out without it.
As I walked out I mentally patted myself on the back and yet I reminded myself to never grow complacent. Never think "Oh I got this tackled! I'm safe now!" No, I'm never safe from that horrible AV who thinks it is my BFF. Because yesterday shows that it can start to speak up when I least expect it.
God, I hate this miserable disease.
Oh and heres a funny tidbit. Talked to my Dad yesterday. Sometimes I think he tends to forget about my admission 5 months ago. That his daughter is in recovery from alcoholism.
He tells me yesterday that when we all go to Busch Gardens in Williamsburg he's thinking it would be fun to go to the brewery and take the tour where you can sample all the beers. That it would be a great way to take a break from all the walking and what not in the park.
I'm sure my Mom would thoroughly enjoy it too. I would've too. If I hadn't stopped drinking. Now I might "suggest" to my parents at one point if they're getting visibly tired while at the park that maybe they could go over to the brewhouse and take a break and enjoy a beer. Without us.
I have a feeling that, while I might enjoy this family vacation, it will also be a challenge.
I will be surrounded possibly by five adults, four of which will be drinking. Sometimes heavily. I know my husband won't drink in support of me. But I know that my Mom will question me somewhat because she'll be threatened by the idea that I've given up drinking. My Dad thinks the whole alcoholism thing is just in my head, introduced by my therapists. My brother and his girlfriend have no idea.
I'll just be glad I'll have my hubby and son around to remind me.
Sometimes I get the feeling that danger is everywhere, around every corner.
This morning my alarm woke me up at 550am just like usual. And just like usual I felt so tired. I fight not to go back to sleep. The grogginess continues, getting myself ready for work. Getting my son ready for summer camp. Feeding him breakfast.
Even now. I brought a Monster drink with me to help a bit with the energy. I'm going to need something to get through this day.
Yesterday I got hit by some MASSIVE cravings that came out of nowhere and fast!
I couldn't believe how loudly my AV was talking. Still though, I went to the shoppette (where I used to purchase all my wine and vodka/gin) and I purchased some ready made burgers and buns to make for dinner last night. I purchased a Sobe Pina colada (no those do not contain alcohol), some beef jerky, and some peppermint patties.
I walked away without a single bottle of alcohol. No wine. No vodka. No gin. Actually the biggest craving was for the wine. But nope. Walked out without it.
As I walked out I mentally patted myself on the back and yet I reminded myself to never grow complacent. Never think "Oh I got this tackled! I'm safe now!" No, I'm never safe from that horrible AV who thinks it is my BFF. Because yesterday shows that it can start to speak up when I least expect it.
God, I hate this miserable disease.
Oh and heres a funny tidbit. Talked to my Dad yesterday. Sometimes I think he tends to forget about my admission 5 months ago. That his daughter is in recovery from alcoholism.
He tells me yesterday that when we all go to Busch Gardens in Williamsburg he's thinking it would be fun to go to the brewery and take the tour where you can sample all the beers. That it would be a great way to take a break from all the walking and what not in the park.
I'm sure my Mom would thoroughly enjoy it too. I would've too. If I hadn't stopped drinking. Now I might "suggest" to my parents at one point if they're getting visibly tired while at the park that maybe they could go over to the brewhouse and take a break and enjoy a beer. Without us.
I have a feeling that, while I might enjoy this family vacation, it will also be a challenge.
I will be surrounded possibly by five adults, four of which will be drinking. Sometimes heavily. I know my husband won't drink in support of me. But I know that my Mom will question me somewhat because she'll be threatened by the idea that I've given up drinking. My Dad thinks the whole alcoholism thing is just in my head, introduced by my therapists. My brother and his girlfriend have no idea.
I'll just be glad I'll have my hubby and son around to remind me.
Sometimes I get the feeling that danger is everywhere, around every corner.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Alaska
Posts: 1,458
First Happy Anniversary to me. I've now been married over half my life. 18 years ago I said "I do" to my one and only husband.
Today was supposed to be a relax day with son and I having fun at the pool..That was until I opened my fridge and freezer this morning to make my son and myself breakfast and I got attacked by sweet corn, zucchini, cucumbers, beets, frozen bananas, and dozen upon dozen of eggs. Yes, I had 3 dozen eggs in my fridge.
We belong to a CSA (Community Supported/Shared Agriculture) and each and every week we get enough produce to feed a family of 4 as well as 1 dozen eggs and 1 loaf of fresh baked bread.
Since I've been so tired lately I haven't been able to even THINK about preserving any of it. Well, since I had a bit more energy today I figured it was time. Time to get rid of some of that stuff that was starting to creep up around me in the kitchen.
After harvesting our garlic in the backyard while on the phone with my hubby, and then a quick grocery shopping with my son, I got two banana nut bread loaves in the oven, then made a contest with my son and his friends. Who could shuck the ears of corn the fastest. Whoever made the biggest collection of shucked corn at the end won. Each child claimed to have won. In my own humble opinion, I won simply because I got what I wanted. All the corn shucked in record time.
Next, zucchini nut bread. Not too happy with the results on that. It isn't a bad loaf. But it isn't great either. Mildly sweet. Rather dry and crumbly. I like my fruit/veggie breads dense, flavorful, moist. I'll have to try to find another recipe. I wish I could get my Grandma's recipe. I loved her zucchini bread as a child. I still have very fond memories of waking up while visiting them in Phoenix, walking down the hallway in the early morning when it was still cool out, and she would pull out a piece of chilled zucchini bread and serve me a cup of sweet, hot tea beside it.
So Next, Cranberry & Pumpkin bread. I substituted some of our blue hubbard squash that we grew last year and then froze later for the pumpkin. The taste is very similar.
I can't wait to try a crumb from this one.
While doing all of this, I was also doing laundry like a lunatic. As it is, it's 1010p and I'm still waiting for my sheets to get done.
Oh and I also got both my son's and my own shower curtains cleaned. Have you ever noticed how grimy they get? Mildewy (yes, I created my own word) and moldy.
So I soaked them in bleach.
Add the circus that was going on in my house, with 4 children running here and there and well. I'm one tired lady now. My feet are killing me and I'm really NOT looking forward to making my bed.
Only positive to all this madness? I had almost no time to think about drinking or not. Well no, take that back. I did see our neighbors around 530pm sitting outside, grilling their dinner and talking over their beers.
I had the tiniest bit of jealousy as I saw them and thought "well won't ever be having that in my life again!" but then I got busy elsewhere.
I really want to elaborate on this whole bit but, lo and behold, I'm actually falling asleep while typing this so I fear I must cut this short. My God, I hope my sheet are reasonably dry. I so need to get to sleep.
Today was supposed to be a relax day with son and I having fun at the pool..That was until I opened my fridge and freezer this morning to make my son and myself breakfast and I got attacked by sweet corn, zucchini, cucumbers, beets, frozen bananas, and dozen upon dozen of eggs. Yes, I had 3 dozen eggs in my fridge.
We belong to a CSA (Community Supported/Shared Agriculture) and each and every week we get enough produce to feed a family of 4 as well as 1 dozen eggs and 1 loaf of fresh baked bread.
Since I've been so tired lately I haven't been able to even THINK about preserving any of it. Well, since I had a bit more energy today I figured it was time. Time to get rid of some of that stuff that was starting to creep up around me in the kitchen.
After harvesting our garlic in the backyard while on the phone with my hubby, and then a quick grocery shopping with my son, I got two banana nut bread loaves in the oven, then made a contest with my son and his friends. Who could shuck the ears of corn the fastest. Whoever made the biggest collection of shucked corn at the end won. Each child claimed to have won. In my own humble opinion, I won simply because I got what I wanted. All the corn shucked in record time.
Next, zucchini nut bread. Not too happy with the results on that. It isn't a bad loaf. But it isn't great either. Mildly sweet. Rather dry and crumbly. I like my fruit/veggie breads dense, flavorful, moist. I'll have to try to find another recipe. I wish I could get my Grandma's recipe. I loved her zucchini bread as a child. I still have very fond memories of waking up while visiting them in Phoenix, walking down the hallway in the early morning when it was still cool out, and she would pull out a piece of chilled zucchini bread and serve me a cup of sweet, hot tea beside it.
So Next, Cranberry & Pumpkin bread. I substituted some of our blue hubbard squash that we grew last year and then froze later for the pumpkin. The taste is very similar.
I can't wait to try a crumb from this one.
While doing all of this, I was also doing laundry like a lunatic. As it is, it's 1010p and I'm still waiting for my sheets to get done.
Oh and I also got both my son's and my own shower curtains cleaned. Have you ever noticed how grimy they get? Mildewy (yes, I created my own word) and moldy.
So I soaked them in bleach.
Add the circus that was going on in my house, with 4 children running here and there and well. I'm one tired lady now. My feet are killing me and I'm really NOT looking forward to making my bed.
Only positive to all this madness? I had almost no time to think about drinking or not. Well no, take that back. I did see our neighbors around 530pm sitting outside, grilling their dinner and talking over their beers.
I had the tiniest bit of jealousy as I saw them and thought "well won't ever be having that in my life again!" but then I got busy elsewhere.
I really want to elaborate on this whole bit but, lo and behold, I'm actually falling asleep while typing this so I fear I must cut this short. My God, I hope my sheet are reasonably dry. I so need to get to sleep.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
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My God, what a busy weekend and I still didn't accomplish everything I set out to. I did not manage to get the pies done but I did manage to freeze the rhubarb so at least it will not go bad. I shelled peas, I baked fruit breads, I worked in the garden. (and boy was the garden needing a little TLC!).
Still though, there is so much that still needs to be accomplished. Today I'm back at work and I told my hubby, some of the "admin" type of stuff I can do today while I'm here. Meanwhile, he'll do more of the garden work today, get the oil changed on his car, and other things around the house. After all, we both agreed. There is only so much we can do in a given day. Next weekend will be equally busy as we can/preserve some of the veggies and fruits from the farm as well as prepare our camper for the next two weeks. We've got camping trips coming up on 4th of July weekend and the weekend after that as well.
The 4th of July one, thankfully, is right near by us. But the one the weekend afterwards is up in Hershey PA. We're FINALLY taking our son to HersheyPark. This will be a first for hubby as well as he's never been there either. I think both of them really don't believe me when I say the area SMELLS like chocolate. LOL
I missed my training session last night which I was somewhat relieved about and somewhat annoyed about. Simply because we were on a roll, getting stuff done. And also...because I was exhausted. I knew that I would have no energy for my trainer by the end of the day. I have an appointment for myself on Thursday to get a check up simply because lately I've been so tired. Between that and the reccurent headaches, the diarrhea, the nausea, the lack of appetite. Well, I've gotten tired of all of that. Only postive to any of it is I'm losing weight pretty fast. My pants are all getting very loose on me.
I'm hoping the doctor appointment will not, once again, turn into a massive argument between me and the nurses and doctors. So far each time I go into the clinic for the simplest reason it turns into a massive fight about blood pressure.
See the clinic here keeps prescribing me higher and higher doses of blood pressure medicine. Each time I go to that clinic my blood pressure is still high however when I go to any other doctor, any other clinic then my blood pressure is normal. And it is normal without even taking any medication. How weird is that?
So I have told the clinic staff that I think something odd is going on but they keep insisting that they need to prescribe even more medication.
Recently we also got into a blow up about cholesterol. My LDL's aren't bad but could be lowered a tiny bit but my HDL's are super good. This makes my total number look high. And this frustrates the clinic here because they're trying to also put me on mediciation for that. Thursday I'm supposed to meet with a new doctor. We'll see how it goes.
Well, I must run. I gotta start making my lists of things to be done. Hubby and I have what seems like a mountain of stuff to get done and now that we're camping and we're still canning/preserving and gardening I feel so overwhelmed!
Still though, there is so much that still needs to be accomplished. Today I'm back at work and I told my hubby, some of the "admin" type of stuff I can do today while I'm here. Meanwhile, he'll do more of the garden work today, get the oil changed on his car, and other things around the house. After all, we both agreed. There is only so much we can do in a given day. Next weekend will be equally busy as we can/preserve some of the veggies and fruits from the farm as well as prepare our camper for the next two weeks. We've got camping trips coming up on 4th of July weekend and the weekend after that as well.
The 4th of July one, thankfully, is right near by us. But the one the weekend afterwards is up in Hershey PA. We're FINALLY taking our son to HersheyPark. This will be a first for hubby as well as he's never been there either. I think both of them really don't believe me when I say the area SMELLS like chocolate. LOL
I missed my training session last night which I was somewhat relieved about and somewhat annoyed about. Simply because we were on a roll, getting stuff done. And also...because I was exhausted. I knew that I would have no energy for my trainer by the end of the day. I have an appointment for myself on Thursday to get a check up simply because lately I've been so tired. Between that and the reccurent headaches, the diarrhea, the nausea, the lack of appetite. Well, I've gotten tired of all of that. Only postive to any of it is I'm losing weight pretty fast. My pants are all getting very loose on me.
I'm hoping the doctor appointment will not, once again, turn into a massive argument between me and the nurses and doctors. So far each time I go into the clinic for the simplest reason it turns into a massive fight about blood pressure.
See the clinic here keeps prescribing me higher and higher doses of blood pressure medicine. Each time I go to that clinic my blood pressure is still high however when I go to any other doctor, any other clinic then my blood pressure is normal. And it is normal without even taking any medication. How weird is that?
So I have told the clinic staff that I think something odd is going on but they keep insisting that they need to prescribe even more medication.
Recently we also got into a blow up about cholesterol. My LDL's aren't bad but could be lowered a tiny bit but my HDL's are super good. This makes my total number look high. And this frustrates the clinic here because they're trying to also put me on mediciation for that. Thursday I'm supposed to meet with a new doctor. We'll see how it goes.
Well, I must run. I gotta start making my lists of things to be done. Hubby and I have what seems like a mountain of stuff to get done and now that we're camping and we're still canning/preserving and gardening I feel so overwhelmed!
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Today started out emotionally how it ended (somewhat) yesterday..Prickly emotions. Hissing and clawing.
It was totally what the doctor ordered last night when I sat with my son and hubby, cuddling with them both while we waited for dinner to be ready.
We ended up watching Thor and part of Iron Man 2.
This morning I woke up with the mind set "Watch out! MUNCHKIN IS ON THE WAR PATH!"
Turned out didn't need to get quite so irritated. I'm still irritated, mind you, just not as bad.
All because my boss is keeping me somewhat from taking unpaid leave off.
I use that for my full days of doctor appointments and such so that way I'm still free to use my sick time for when my son has a doctor or dentist appointment.
What frustrated me actually a lot yesterday was simply the thought that I've put all this energy into living sober. Maintaining my sobriety and my boss is making it even more difficult as I take off time to go to my therapist appointments.
Oh and I'm going to start meeting with a hypnotherapist as well. As Itchy once said, I'm going to use all the tools at my disposal that I can possibly use.
I've never wanted anything more than to maintain this new life that I have set up for myself. I want to keep this sobriety at all costs. I want to keep myself up and away from the urges to hurt myself. Little do those around me know the demons I fight constantly. And I keep telling hubby, I can't tell them either because to do so would give them all an advantage over me that could be used to take me out of my job. No good.
So good news, my boss let me have off tomorrow. I'm going to meet with my therapist, meet with a new doctor, get my allergy shots done, get my new sunglasses since my have mysteriously and permanently vanished, get a massage and then get the CSA share for the week. Lots of good stuff.
It was totally what the doctor ordered last night when I sat with my son and hubby, cuddling with them both while we waited for dinner to be ready.
We ended up watching Thor and part of Iron Man 2.
This morning I woke up with the mind set "Watch out! MUNCHKIN IS ON THE WAR PATH!"
Turned out didn't need to get quite so irritated. I'm still irritated, mind you, just not as bad.
All because my boss is keeping me somewhat from taking unpaid leave off.
I use that for my full days of doctor appointments and such so that way I'm still free to use my sick time for when my son has a doctor or dentist appointment.
What frustrated me actually a lot yesterday was simply the thought that I've put all this energy into living sober. Maintaining my sobriety and my boss is making it even more difficult as I take off time to go to my therapist appointments.
Oh and I'm going to start meeting with a hypnotherapist as well. As Itchy once said, I'm going to use all the tools at my disposal that I can possibly use.
I've never wanted anything more than to maintain this new life that I have set up for myself. I want to keep this sobriety at all costs. I want to keep myself up and away from the urges to hurt myself. Little do those around me know the demons I fight constantly. And I keep telling hubby, I can't tell them either because to do so would give them all an advantage over me that could be used to take me out of my job. No good.
So good news, my boss let me have off tomorrow. I'm going to meet with my therapist, meet with a new doctor, get my allergy shots done, get my new sunglasses since my have mysteriously and permanently vanished, get a massage and then get the CSA share for the week. Lots of good stuff.
Munchkin,
You sure are a busy person. I move around a lot also. You got it right when you said despite all of your activities, the most important goal for each day is to stay away from booze. Every day we do this is a blessing. And the longer we stay away from booze the better everything else in our lives falls into place. I agree with Itchy. You are in a serious battle and you need to use every means you can to win.
You sure are a busy person. I move around a lot also. You got it right when you said despite all of your activities, the most important goal for each day is to stay away from booze. Every day we do this is a blessing. And the longer we stay away from booze the better everything else in our lives falls into place. I agree with Itchy. You are in a serious battle and you need to use every means you can to win.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
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dickensen,
I'm always up to something. I could take a week off from work and easily fill it with chores that are behind.
It doesn't help that hubby and I are gardeners, I cook a lot (both of which are things I enjoy but are sometimes tiring), and then because I cook a lot I make sure to procure a bit better quality produce, milk & butter, and meat. It means I have to drive around a lot more to go to certain locations (like the farm for produce and fresh eggs, the dairy for milk, butter and ice cream, the butcher shop for meat). That reminds me, I have to call our butcher shop to see if they ever get sweetbreads. And hubby has been craving elk steak recently.
You are very right. My therapist and I just talked about the importance of maintaining my sobriety yesterday. That and she is referring my husband and I to a Military couples therapist just to help us with communication.
You know, the biggest reminder to me now of why it's good that I've chosen a sober life?
The fact that jeans are getting loose on me. My face is getting lean. My arms are trimmer and I can actually SEE muscle tone there when pumping iron. I can ride my bike and not feel as if I'm about to vomit after 20 minutes. Even my outlook on life has changed. However I still have to get over my disapointment in myself when I can't do as much as I used to be able to do when it came to everyday junk in the house. That is still frustrating me. That and I have been suffering from PAWS every so often. When I do I get very frustrated, confused, and angry. All directed at myself but hubby thinks I'm yelling at him. Gotta work on that. Problem, over and over again is, under the influence, I used to multi task like a pro. Throw in a load of wash while making a batch of pickles, starting some yogurt in the crock pot, while making dinner and baking a loaf of fresh artisan bread. All with a smile on my face and a joke ready to be disbursed. Now I'm lucky if I can manage two of those things, simultaneously.
I read this article that I think hits it right on the head for me.
Very much me here. Even in my early twenties, before children, before I really started abusing alcohol I was always going, never taking a break.
I know, that every day I will be battling this beast. And not just the beast of alcohol and recovery from alcohol. I know I will have to tackle this insance urge to keep going, at all costs.
~~still here, still sober~~
I'm always up to something. I could take a week off from work and easily fill it with chores that are behind.
It doesn't help that hubby and I are gardeners, I cook a lot (both of which are things I enjoy but are sometimes tiring), and then because I cook a lot I make sure to procure a bit better quality produce, milk & butter, and meat. It means I have to drive around a lot more to go to certain locations (like the farm for produce and fresh eggs, the dairy for milk, butter and ice cream, the butcher shop for meat). That reminds me, I have to call our butcher shop to see if they ever get sweetbreads. And hubby has been craving elk steak recently.
You are very right. My therapist and I just talked about the importance of maintaining my sobriety yesterday. That and she is referring my husband and I to a Military couples therapist just to help us with communication.
You know, the biggest reminder to me now of why it's good that I've chosen a sober life?
The fact that jeans are getting loose on me. My face is getting lean. My arms are trimmer and I can actually SEE muscle tone there when pumping iron. I can ride my bike and not feel as if I'm about to vomit after 20 minutes. Even my outlook on life has changed. However I still have to get over my disapointment in myself when I can't do as much as I used to be able to do when it came to everyday junk in the house. That is still frustrating me. That and I have been suffering from PAWS every so often. When I do I get very frustrated, confused, and angry. All directed at myself but hubby thinks I'm yelling at him. Gotta work on that. Problem, over and over again is, under the influence, I used to multi task like a pro. Throw in a load of wash while making a batch of pickles, starting some yogurt in the crock pot, while making dinner and baking a loaf of fresh artisan bread. All with a smile on my face and a joke ready to be disbursed. Now I'm lucky if I can manage two of those things, simultaneously.
I read this article that I think hits it right on the head for me.
Almost all alcoholics, as well as those with other addictions, are actually tired. They use drugs to forget their fatigue in order to make life more bearable. Drugs including alcohol provide a lift for a while, but leave a person feeling worse when they wear off. The desire for another “hit” then becomes even stronger. Recovery involves feeling the despair of having very low energy and taking the time to rest and relax, rather than just keeping going at all cost. This is very difficult for many people.
I know, that every day I will be battling this beast. And not just the beast of alcohol and recovery from alcohol. I know I will have to tackle this insance urge to keep going, at all costs.
~~still here, still sober~~
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Join Date: Oct 2011
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Yet another busy one for me today. And very very tiring. Last night for some reason I could not fall asleep for a while and when I finally started getting sleepy a severe thunderstorm shook the area. Yes, it really did shake the house.
And it knocked out our power until about 2 am just as I was falling asleep. Gotta love it when that happens. Then my son woke up at 615am. Nice.
Okay, so it is what it is.
Today managed to go to our pop up, open a few more windows to allow it to air out(last night we popped it up to let it air out a bit before the next camping trip), next a trip to Target to get my son a new car seat. Turned out we got him a booster seat. Next, grocery shopping. Next, hurry home eat lunch, and then start to prep our projects today. Bread and butter pickles since we have so many dang cucumbers from the farm and we haven't even STARTED to get ours in yet. We have plans to turn our cucumbers from our garden into cornichons. Next, zucchini bread. Made my Grandmas recipe for zucchini nut bread. Next, dark chocolate zucchini bread. Talk about YUM. This bread is made using cocoa powder, sugar, zucchini and semi sweet chocolate chunks. It smells great.
Next, Pennsylvania Dutch Pork Maws. Pork Maws, by the way, is pork stomach. I sew up the stomach, then stuff it with sausage, potatoes, onions, parsley and garlic. Bake for two hours. I know, to many it sounds gross but it tastes AWESOME.
I am soooo thankful I have my hubby around. He helps with so much of it all and makes it so much easier to get it all done. Plus he's been very thoughtful today, knowing that I'm working on very little energy.
Okay, well that all being said. Gotta get my chocolate zucchini bread out of the oven. It should be done by now.
And it knocked out our power until about 2 am just as I was falling asleep. Gotta love it when that happens. Then my son woke up at 615am. Nice.
Okay, so it is what it is.
Today managed to go to our pop up, open a few more windows to allow it to air out(last night we popped it up to let it air out a bit before the next camping trip), next a trip to Target to get my son a new car seat. Turned out we got him a booster seat. Next, grocery shopping. Next, hurry home eat lunch, and then start to prep our projects today. Bread and butter pickles since we have so many dang cucumbers from the farm and we haven't even STARTED to get ours in yet. We have plans to turn our cucumbers from our garden into cornichons. Next, zucchini bread. Made my Grandmas recipe for zucchini nut bread. Next, dark chocolate zucchini bread. Talk about YUM. This bread is made using cocoa powder, sugar, zucchini and semi sweet chocolate chunks. It smells great.
Next, Pennsylvania Dutch Pork Maws. Pork Maws, by the way, is pork stomach. I sew up the stomach, then stuff it with sausage, potatoes, onions, parsley and garlic. Bake for two hours. I know, to many it sounds gross but it tastes AWESOME.
I am soooo thankful I have my hubby around. He helps with so much of it all and makes it so much easier to get it all done. Plus he's been very thoughtful today, knowing that I'm working on very little energy.
Okay, well that all being said. Gotta get my chocolate zucchini bread out of the oven. It should be done by now.
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This morning as I prepared to take a shower and was slowly waking up I started remembering so many of my AV's arguments to get me to drink.
This comes to mind because on Sunday morning I had to go to the shoppette (which is where I used to purchase a good portion of my wine/gin/vodka/grand marnier) to get some lemon juice. The commisary was closed so I had no choice but to go to the shoppette. Of course, where is the lemon juice in the shoppette? In the wine/liquor aisle.
So it was all in my face. Still I did not succumb. In fact it was not until I was standing in line with my little bottles of lemon juice, my chips, my soda that the AV started whispering. "Why not get one of those little bottles? You can always take a wee sip. No one would ever even know. They're so cheap. You could cook with the rest of it"
Funny thing, I never even realized it was talking at first. It wasn't until I noticed I was salivating, looking at those damn bottles of E&J Gallo that I went "oh Sh*t!" with a capital S that I clamped down on that stupid voice.
This really pissed me off. And it made me realize how sneaky, how conniving, how damn SMART this AV is.
I remember when I was not actively abstaining or when I was abstaining just because I wanted to lose weight. How that voice would ARGUE for a drink tonight. I would give up for a week, a month, a few months, etc etc. And then, next thing you know that AV would start to talk.
I still find it amusing/annoying how many excuses my AV would use.
In fact now a days when I talk to my Mom I hear some of them and now, with my sobriety and my commitment to my sobriety I hear how silly they really do sound.
I used to tell myself that since I was always so uptight, so stressed out it was the only way I knew I could relax.
I would tell myself that since I worked sooooo hard I deserved a drink.
I would actually WORK myself harder to PROVE that I deserved that drink.
Crazy. Absolutely nuts.
When anything becomes this obsessive then you know something is wrong. I just wish I realized it 5 to 6 years ago. When I was much thinner. Now I'm fighting an uphill battle to drop another 25 lbs. Weight loss since my sober date of 14December? 34 pounds.
25 to go. I want to drop another 10 lbs before late August when my parents will see me. I really want to prove to my Mom that, yes, it IS the alcohol keeping the weight on her. (she likes to say it's because she's almost 60).
I know my old substance abuse therapist would tell me this is not worth even trying. It's a battle I cannot win. And I actually know it. But, I really want to do this.
Oh and by the way, never again, take Unisom on a weekday night. I feel like I'm hungover. Yuck.
This comes to mind because on Sunday morning I had to go to the shoppette (which is where I used to purchase a good portion of my wine/gin/vodka/grand marnier) to get some lemon juice. The commisary was closed so I had no choice but to go to the shoppette. Of course, where is the lemon juice in the shoppette? In the wine/liquor aisle.
So it was all in my face. Still I did not succumb. In fact it was not until I was standing in line with my little bottles of lemon juice, my chips, my soda that the AV started whispering. "Why not get one of those little bottles? You can always take a wee sip. No one would ever even know. They're so cheap. You could cook with the rest of it"
Funny thing, I never even realized it was talking at first. It wasn't until I noticed I was salivating, looking at those damn bottles of E&J Gallo that I went "oh Sh*t!" with a capital S that I clamped down on that stupid voice.
This really pissed me off. And it made me realize how sneaky, how conniving, how damn SMART this AV is.
I remember when I was not actively abstaining or when I was abstaining just because I wanted to lose weight. How that voice would ARGUE for a drink tonight. I would give up for a week, a month, a few months, etc etc. And then, next thing you know that AV would start to talk.
I still find it amusing/annoying how many excuses my AV would use.
In fact now a days when I talk to my Mom I hear some of them and now, with my sobriety and my commitment to my sobriety I hear how silly they really do sound.
I used to tell myself that since I was always so uptight, so stressed out it was the only way I knew I could relax.
I would tell myself that since I worked sooooo hard I deserved a drink.
I would actually WORK myself harder to PROVE that I deserved that drink.
Crazy. Absolutely nuts.
When anything becomes this obsessive then you know something is wrong. I just wish I realized it 5 to 6 years ago. When I was much thinner. Now I'm fighting an uphill battle to drop another 25 lbs. Weight loss since my sober date of 14December? 34 pounds.
25 to go. I want to drop another 10 lbs before late August when my parents will see me. I really want to prove to my Mom that, yes, it IS the alcohol keeping the weight on her. (she likes to say it's because she's almost 60).
I know my old substance abuse therapist would tell me this is not worth even trying. It's a battle I cannot win. And I actually know it. But, I really want to do this.
Oh and by the way, never again, take Unisom on a weekday night. I feel like I'm hungover. Yuck.
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Todays post is about nothing alcoholic. Its all about the joys of childhood and discovery.
Recently my son and I found some swallowtail caterpillars on my parsley plant out back. I cut off the branches of parsley that they were sitting on and brought them inside, placed them inside one of my mason jars, put a paper towel on the top and my son and I have been feeding them bits of fresh parsley every other day. Yesterday we noticed one of them is starting the next phase onto becoming a butterfly. He/she had attached itself to one of the parsley branches with its silk and has gone to sleep. The other one is still happily munching on another branch of fresh parsley. We also discovered one more really small caterpillar in the yard last night so we put him/her in with the others.
Today my son brought them all to his summer camp/daycare to show to the teachers and other classmates alike.
This is going to be one of those memories that I think my son and I will share for a long time. This reminds me of me when I was a child. My Dad once made me a bug box out of wood and screen. I used to put all sorts of bugs there. (I was the kind of girl who loved collecting praying mantis's, spiders, lightning bugs and caterpillars. Along with the odd turtle, frog, and toad. It most definitely DID NOT make my Mom happy)
I cannot communicate the sheer joy I feel while watching my son so excitedly showing his friends these treasures. These neat little gifts from nature.
I hope to keep his interest going on those amazing things that are happening all around him. The caterpillars that turn into butterflies. The praying mantis's in the yard, feeding on the bugs we don't like. Heck, I even told my hubby last night next hornworm I find, it will go to my son and yet another mason jar. He can bring that to summer camp/daycare and share with them that THESE are the bad caterpillars that eat his Mama and Daddy's tomato plants.
Oh and big day today. My son figured out how to tie his shoes!!!!! WOOHOO!
Recently my son and I found some swallowtail caterpillars on my parsley plant out back. I cut off the branches of parsley that they were sitting on and brought them inside, placed them inside one of my mason jars, put a paper towel on the top and my son and I have been feeding them bits of fresh parsley every other day. Yesterday we noticed one of them is starting the next phase onto becoming a butterfly. He/she had attached itself to one of the parsley branches with its silk and has gone to sleep. The other one is still happily munching on another branch of fresh parsley. We also discovered one more really small caterpillar in the yard last night so we put him/her in with the others.
Today my son brought them all to his summer camp/daycare to show to the teachers and other classmates alike.
This is going to be one of those memories that I think my son and I will share for a long time. This reminds me of me when I was a child. My Dad once made me a bug box out of wood and screen. I used to put all sorts of bugs there. (I was the kind of girl who loved collecting praying mantis's, spiders, lightning bugs and caterpillars. Along with the odd turtle, frog, and toad. It most definitely DID NOT make my Mom happy)
I cannot communicate the sheer joy I feel while watching my son so excitedly showing his friends these treasures. These neat little gifts from nature.
I hope to keep his interest going on those amazing things that are happening all around him. The caterpillars that turn into butterflies. The praying mantis's in the yard, feeding on the bugs we don't like. Heck, I even told my hubby last night next hornworm I find, it will go to my son and yet another mason jar. He can bring that to summer camp/daycare and share with them that THESE are the bad caterpillars that eat his Mama and Daddy's tomato plants.
Oh and big day today. My son figured out how to tie his shoes!!!!! WOOHOO!
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Yesterday had lots of goodness in it. It ended with my son losing his next tooth, hubby and I had a long talk in the evening, and overall, the day ended well.
Today is more of the same. Oh and HAPPY 4th of JULY to all my American friends here. Last year this time I was already pretty deep into drinks. Whether it was just beer or wine or whatever. I just know I used to use holidays as a license to go wild. Today, on the other hand, I've just been busy. Good busy though. Hubby and I worked massively in the garden. Looks AWESOME! Told hubby it really needed out there was a little TLC.
Next, run to Shoprite and to Home Depot. We got some fresh mussels, clams, lobster and we're going to use the last of the snow crab legs that we had purchased for fathers day. Along with that will be some wild boar and marsala wine sausages made fresh at our local butcher shop as well as potatoes from the back yard and corn on the cob from the farm nearby. Plan to eat outside to enjoy nature a bit. I even got some Ready made iced tea (that still needs to be chilled) to enjoy along with our meal.
Strawberry shortcake for dessert.
So all that being said, I have to get moving again. I still have a picture to hang, bags to pack for camping this weekend. More on the camping trip coming up. Don't have time for details at the moment. Ta ta all, and a wonderful Happy 4th to ya!
Today is more of the same. Oh and HAPPY 4th of JULY to all my American friends here. Last year this time I was already pretty deep into drinks. Whether it was just beer or wine or whatever. I just know I used to use holidays as a license to go wild. Today, on the other hand, I've just been busy. Good busy though. Hubby and I worked massively in the garden. Looks AWESOME! Told hubby it really needed out there was a little TLC.
Next, run to Shoprite and to Home Depot. We got some fresh mussels, clams, lobster and we're going to use the last of the snow crab legs that we had purchased for fathers day. Along with that will be some wild boar and marsala wine sausages made fresh at our local butcher shop as well as potatoes from the back yard and corn on the cob from the farm nearby. Plan to eat outside to enjoy nature a bit. I even got some Ready made iced tea (that still needs to be chilled) to enjoy along with our meal.
Strawberry shortcake for dessert.
So all that being said, I have to get moving again. I still have a picture to hang, bags to pack for camping this weekend. More on the camping trip coming up. Don't have time for details at the moment. Ta ta all, and a wonderful Happy 4th to ya!
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SSDD. Still here, still sober.
Not really super in the mood to talk or write right now. More in the mood to read the book I've been into as of late. Everything I never wanted to be by Dina Kucera. Yet another one on addiction. It's actually very sad to watch all the authors daughters go through their own personal addictions. Three children addicted to different substances. Two addicted to drugs, one to alcohol. The author/Mom is (at least at the point where I'm at) a recovering alcoholic. You know, addiction really sucks. Royally. Massively. While doctors and scientists are so busy getting rid of the "obesity gene" they should really do some research on the "addiction gene".
I mean we all know that addiction runs in families so why not look to get rid of that!!!!!
Ugggh. Okay. well enough ranting. The office is slow today so back to the book I go.
Not really super in the mood to talk or write right now. More in the mood to read the book I've been into as of late. Everything I never wanted to be by Dina Kucera. Yet another one on addiction. It's actually very sad to watch all the authors daughters go through their own personal addictions. Three children addicted to different substances. Two addicted to drugs, one to alcohol. The author/Mom is (at least at the point where I'm at) a recovering alcoholic. You know, addiction really sucks. Royally. Massively. While doctors and scientists are so busy getting rid of the "obesity gene" they should really do some research on the "addiction gene".
I mean we all know that addiction runs in families so why not look to get rid of that!!!!!
Ugggh. Okay. well enough ranting. The office is slow today so back to the book I go.
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Finished the book. Ended well. Makes me grateful that today I am nearing my 7 month sobriety anniversary.
In fact next week Wednesday is 7 months for me.
I feel like my body is going through a kind of wacky equilibrium/balancing act right now. I think between my hormones, my everyday bodily functions, my overall physiology is all over the place. And I think it's all because of more "healing" taking place from the nastiness I subjected my body over the past few years. I wonder if others have noticed the same in themselves after the 6 month mark? I'll have to pose that question to others here later.
I feel like my body is all over the place. Weird.
I have most definitely noticed more muscle building up. My arms are becoming shapely. There most definitely not like Michelle Obama arms but they're getting there. And any progress like that is good in my book.
Well, today our office is slow but our Regional Manager has me taking another offices phone calls because they're too inept to take their own and do their own work. What can I say? It sucks to be good at your job because then you take on someone elses work as well.
Oh and we're going camping tonight. We were supposed to go with another family but that family bailed. No hiking for us this weekend. Too many ticks for my liking. I just read an article yesterday about why the tick population has exploded this year. Scary. Moose and bears I'll handle any day. Ticks? No thank you.
In fact next week Wednesday is 7 months for me.
I feel like my body is going through a kind of wacky equilibrium/balancing act right now. I think between my hormones, my everyday bodily functions, my overall physiology is all over the place. And I think it's all because of more "healing" taking place from the nastiness I subjected my body over the past few years. I wonder if others have noticed the same in themselves after the 6 month mark? I'll have to pose that question to others here later.
I feel like my body is all over the place. Weird.
I have most definitely noticed more muscle building up. My arms are becoming shapely. There most definitely not like Michelle Obama arms but they're getting there. And any progress like that is good in my book.
Well, today our office is slow but our Regional Manager has me taking another offices phone calls because they're too inept to take their own and do their own work. What can I say? It sucks to be good at your job because then you take on someone elses work as well.
Oh and we're going camping tonight. We were supposed to go with another family but that family bailed. No hiking for us this weekend. Too many ticks for my liking. I just read an article yesterday about why the tick population has exploded this year. Scary. Moose and bears I'll handle any day. Ticks? No thank you.
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Well, went camping. Had fun but waayyyy too hot! Found out the Susquehanna River is good for tubing so next trip to Susquehanna we'll get some inner tubes for and go tubing. Give my son a tiny taste of white water rafting. (which we want to do next year with him in Vermont)
We did hike a tiny bit but mostly because we picked raspberries and blackberries. Those will be turned into triple berry jam later.
Thankfully, only my hubby had one tick on him. I kept my son waaayyyy away from the forests.
Camping again this weekend but this weekend we're not roughing it. We'll be up in an RV park in PA and visiting Hershey Park. Lots of good times there. My son wants to go on his first looping coaster. I'm not certain how I feel about it.
Have so much to do tonight and tomorrow. I think I'll make a list for hubby and I so we can track everything. Otherwise I forget. I hate that. My memory sucks now a days. Damn alcohol.
Remember that munchkin, next time you want to pick up something to drink that it will kill even more of brain. LOL!!
We did hike a tiny bit but mostly because we picked raspberries and blackberries. Those will be turned into triple berry jam later.
Thankfully, only my hubby had one tick on him. I kept my son waaayyyy away from the forests.
Camping again this weekend but this weekend we're not roughing it. We'll be up in an RV park in PA and visiting Hershey Park. Lots of good times there. My son wants to go on his first looping coaster. I'm not certain how I feel about it.
Have so much to do tonight and tomorrow. I think I'll make a list for hubby and I so we can track everything. Otherwise I forget. I hate that. My memory sucks now a days. Damn alcohol.
Remember that munchkin, next time you want to pick up something to drink that it will kill even more of brain. LOL!!
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Real quick because I have groups to work on today, I am the rep for the Defense Travel System today, refunds to work on with the airlines and loads of other misc crap to work on.
Surprise. We have my son's first den meeting tonight with his cub scout pack. Tonight will be a hurry up, get dinner done, and run sort of affair.
Today I have to print out some things for hubby to work on. Most of which will NOT be recipes which he is notoriously bad at following. In fact that leads me to a rant. Last night, I made dilly beans while dinner was in the oven. He reads the recipe and then asks "okay, so I just put all the ingredients in each jar? The vinegar, hot peppers, water, garlic, etc?" I answered "unless you want to make it extremely difficult, measure everything out exactly, which includes dividing the recipe by how many jars we're using, and then breaking it down, NO. We do it the same way as we've done the past two years" He got utterly confused. Pickling is the EASIEST of all canning projects. Simply because when you are preparing all of this, it's just broken down into about 4 steps. Prepare brine by putting all the ingredients in pot. Prepare produce to be pickled. Put jars and tops in hot water bath full of boiling water. Take jars out and fill with produce. Put now full jars in hot water bath. 15 minutes it's done.
Super easy.
So that is why I'm not handing over the job of making pies, jams, jellies, to hubby. I've seriously learned my lesson, many times over.
Okay so that all said. Gotta get to work. Oh and by the way, I'm already looking forward to winter. Less chaotic.
Surprise. We have my son's first den meeting tonight with his cub scout pack. Tonight will be a hurry up, get dinner done, and run sort of affair.
Today I have to print out some things for hubby to work on. Most of which will NOT be recipes which he is notoriously bad at following. In fact that leads me to a rant. Last night, I made dilly beans while dinner was in the oven. He reads the recipe and then asks "okay, so I just put all the ingredients in each jar? The vinegar, hot peppers, water, garlic, etc?" I answered "unless you want to make it extremely difficult, measure everything out exactly, which includes dividing the recipe by how many jars we're using, and then breaking it down, NO. We do it the same way as we've done the past two years" He got utterly confused. Pickling is the EASIEST of all canning projects. Simply because when you are preparing all of this, it's just broken down into about 4 steps. Prepare brine by putting all the ingredients in pot. Prepare produce to be pickled. Put jars and tops in hot water bath full of boiling water. Take jars out and fill with produce. Put now full jars in hot water bath. 15 minutes it's done.
Super easy.
So that is why I'm not handing over the job of making pies, jams, jellies, to hubby. I've seriously learned my lesson, many times over.
Okay so that all said. Gotta get to work. Oh and by the way, I'm already looking forward to winter. Less chaotic.
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Okay, I just had to come back here because I remembered thinking at one point of my looking forward to winter but I couldn't remember if it was HERE I said it. Yup I did. And now I know why.
As I was working through reservations I recalled a dream I had this morning. It was snowing and brisk out. I was with my son and husband and we were discussing if we would make a turkey or not. We decided we wanted to cook a turkey.
It was all blustery out, had the perfect makings of a blizzard and yet I felt in the dream as I usually feel when it snows out. Happy. Content. Warm. Nothing could get to us because we were in a warm place (I think it might have been in Alaska in the dream but I'm not certain. It was really dark), and there was a fire going. And the three of us were together. Winter brings on those feelings. I can't wait to get to that again.
As I was working through reservations I recalled a dream I had this morning. It was snowing and brisk out. I was with my son and husband and we were discussing if we would make a turkey or not. We decided we wanted to cook a turkey.
It was all blustery out, had the perfect makings of a blizzard and yet I felt in the dream as I usually feel when it snows out. Happy. Content. Warm. Nothing could get to us because we were in a warm place (I think it might have been in Alaska in the dream but I'm not certain. It was really dark), and there was a fire going. And the three of us were together. Winter brings on those feelings. I can't wait to get to that again.
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Not much to say today other than amusement at my sons reaction upon arriving home from the cub scout meeting last night. He told me last night he was sad that he didn't get to have any adventures. He wanted to have adventures last night with his fellow cub scouts.
Give it time, little man, and you will.
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
Ecclesiastes
Oh and happy sobriety to me. 7 months today.
Give it time, little man, and you will.
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
Ecclesiastes
Oh and happy sobriety to me. 7 months today.
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