My Story
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1
My Story
Hey all. I am new to these boards.
My name is John. I am 22 years old, and I live in St. Louis Missouri. I am in the Army National Guard as a Military Police Officer and currently unemployed as I quit my job a few days ago.
The first time I got drunk was in 8th grade with some friends. I drank a little bit, and smoked a bit of pot. The drinking continued through high school but never really took off until January of 2010 when my sister ran away from home (she did not come back ever). After a few months, it calmed down, and then it picked up again in September of that same year. I had recently returned from Haiti and turned 21, and was struggling with some of the things that had happened there. I started going to bars regularly, and now I am at a bar just about every night getting drunk. If I am not at a bar, I am drinking a fifth out of the bottle at my house so I can go to sleep or feel good. I've started to think in the last couple months that I may be an alcoholic. I self medicate with drinking, even though I am on citolapram for depression.
When I think about it, I have gone days without drinking in the past year. But recently, I've been blackout drunk every night just about. This past friday I went to spend time with my new girlfriend. She does not drink, but took me to a frat party. I then consumed a pint of R&R and about four tall boys in under two hours. I vomited, then fell off a porch next to my vomit and continued to puke more. I know this upset her because she wanted to spend time with me, and she didn't really get to. What I am not sure of is if I have a chemical dependance on alcohol or if it is just mental. I am kind of stumped and unsure about what I should do. I am not drinking during the day (at least most days), but I know I could still be an alcoholic. It has caused me to do many things I regret and lose some of my best friends.
I am just sharing with you my story and checking out this forum. Thanks.
My name is John. I am 22 years old, and I live in St. Louis Missouri. I am in the Army National Guard as a Military Police Officer and currently unemployed as I quit my job a few days ago.
The first time I got drunk was in 8th grade with some friends. I drank a little bit, and smoked a bit of pot. The drinking continued through high school but never really took off until January of 2010 when my sister ran away from home (she did not come back ever). After a few months, it calmed down, and then it picked up again in September of that same year. I had recently returned from Haiti and turned 21, and was struggling with some of the things that had happened there. I started going to bars regularly, and now I am at a bar just about every night getting drunk. If I am not at a bar, I am drinking a fifth out of the bottle at my house so I can go to sleep or feel good. I've started to think in the last couple months that I may be an alcoholic. I self medicate with drinking, even though I am on citolapram for depression.
When I think about it, I have gone days without drinking in the past year. But recently, I've been blackout drunk every night just about. This past friday I went to spend time with my new girlfriend. She does not drink, but took me to a frat party. I then consumed a pint of R&R and about four tall boys in under two hours. I vomited, then fell off a porch next to my vomit and continued to puke more. I know this upset her because she wanted to spend time with me, and she didn't really get to. What I am not sure of is if I have a chemical dependance on alcohol or if it is just mental. I am kind of stumped and unsure about what I should do. I am not drinking during the day (at least most days), but I know I could still be an alcoholic. It has caused me to do many things I regret and lose some of my best friends.
I am just sharing with you my story and checking out this forum. Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Welcome John...just reading the first few lines of your post sunk my heart. I, too, have a 22 year old son named John. And he's in the Army.
I know how hard it is to struggle with your thoughts at your age and I think by coming here it was a great choice for you. You felt the need to reach out...I'm proud of you.
I'm not going to give you advice or make any suggestions other than staying here and read. You need to make your own decision as you are the only one that knows how your drinking is truly affecting your world.
Wishing you peace and strength.
I know how hard it is to struggle with your thoughts at your age and I think by coming here it was a great choice for you. You felt the need to reach out...I'm proud of you.
I'm not going to give you advice or make any suggestions other than staying here and read. You need to make your own decision as you are the only one that knows how your drinking is truly affecting your world.
Wishing you peace and strength.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 130
I was on citalopram 20mg and I know I was an alcoholic before I got on it, but when I started taking it, all I wanted to do was drink. It increased my urge, and it might be doing the same thing to you. You need to speak to your doctor, because for me it had gotten to the point where if I was taking the anti-deps all I wanted to do was drink, which would make me more depressed and it was just an endless cycle. It is hard enough for me to stay off the sauce in itself, but adding citalopram into the mix made it impossible.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Originally Posted by armymp 
I vomited, then fell off a porch next to my vomit and continued to puke more. I know this upset her because she wanted to spend time with me, and she didn't really get to. What I am not sure of is if I have a chemical dependance on alcohol or if it is just mental. I am kind of stumped and unsure about what I should do.
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
Welcome to SR, John. I was on Citalopram a few years ago for a smoking study. It didn't help me quit smoking, and I could drink more, so I did.
But, I wouldn't let that stop you from considering your alcoholism. You sound like you regret a bit of behavior and loss of friends. If you are questioning whether you are an alcoholic, that's a good place to start. If you are questioning your mental status, I can say this. I have my share of mental issues. ALL of them are amplified with drinking. A sober mind is the only way I've found to work on the mental issues, such as depression and ADD. And I have found a new peace as a result of quitting drinking 4 months ago.
I hope you'll keep coming back here, and that you'll make the decision you probably already know is the right one for you.
Plus, if you have a girl now that doesn't drink, count that as a blessing. That's a real asset in a partner, especially when you are quitting.
But, I wouldn't let that stop you from considering your alcoholism. You sound like you regret a bit of behavior and loss of friends. If you are questioning whether you are an alcoholic, that's a good place to start. If you are questioning your mental status, I can say this. I have my share of mental issues. ALL of them are amplified with drinking. A sober mind is the only way I've found to work on the mental issues, such as depression and ADD. And I have found a new peace as a result of quitting drinking 4 months ago.
I hope you'll keep coming back here, and that you'll make the decision you probably already know is the right one for you.
Plus, if you have a girl now that doesn't drink, count that as a blessing. That's a real asset in a partner, especially when you are quitting.
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