On the Edge
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 3
On the Edge
I'm probably the worst type of alcoholic because I'm a high-functioning alcoholic.
I started drinking at 18. By the time I was 21 I was drinking every day. I drank every day for about 15 years. I realized that it was going to kill me so I started cutting down.
At first it was one day a week I didn't drink, then two, then three, then four, then five. Now I only drink on the weekends---Friday and Saturday. And the next step is down to just one night.
I've been doing this for about the past 6 years, slowly cutting down. I've been down to just 2 days for about 2 years. It's hard to go to 6, but I'm really ready to do that.
But when I don't drink, I want to drink. I know I'm an alcoholic. I just have a lot of self control, I guess. It used to bug me a lot when I didn't drink, but it doesn't bug me much anymore. Usually only on day 5 do I wish I had a beer. The other nights are pretty easy. I sleep fine as well when I don't drink. My cravings start I guess when I know it's getting close to when I can have another beer.
I'm a pretty happy drunk. I rarely do anything I'm ashamed of while drinking. I just like to drink.
I've never had any work problems with alcohol and I doubt I ever will.
My wife married me when I was drinking every day, so she is happy I've cut down so much.
Both my parents are alcoholics. A number in the family are on both sides.
I mainly want to quit for my health and for my wife and son.
My last physical 4 years ago my doctor did say I needed to slow down a bit on the alcohol, so it's obviously affected me. I think I was still drinking 4-5 days a week then.
Here's the problem. I really don't think there is a driving reason for my drinking other than I like to drink. I like how it makes me feel. I like to escape, I guess. Not really running from anything, but just relax. I just feel like I feel more.
I know I should quit. I wish I would. But the only reason I don't is because I get bored. I'm a musician, and I'm not sure how that would be playing shows around alcohol and not being able to drink. I've done it before--not drank during shows. Just not sure I'd want to do it every time.
It seems crazy that I don't want to quit because I get bored. It also seems very selfish of me to do this, when I know it is hurting my body and I have a wife and son to take care of. I'm fortunate that my wife doesn't have to work, but if something were to happen to me, she wouldn't have a career to fall back on.
I really think the boredom is what drives it, although I do think cutting back so much has really open my eyes to the fact that I can function without it. It may not be the worst thing never drink again.
I also don't think I drink as much quantity as I used to.
Anyone ever been in a similar situation?
I started drinking at 18. By the time I was 21 I was drinking every day. I drank every day for about 15 years. I realized that it was going to kill me so I started cutting down.
At first it was one day a week I didn't drink, then two, then three, then four, then five. Now I only drink on the weekends---Friday and Saturday. And the next step is down to just one night.
I've been doing this for about the past 6 years, slowly cutting down. I've been down to just 2 days for about 2 years. It's hard to go to 6, but I'm really ready to do that.
But when I don't drink, I want to drink. I know I'm an alcoholic. I just have a lot of self control, I guess. It used to bug me a lot when I didn't drink, but it doesn't bug me much anymore. Usually only on day 5 do I wish I had a beer. The other nights are pretty easy. I sleep fine as well when I don't drink. My cravings start I guess when I know it's getting close to when I can have another beer.
I'm a pretty happy drunk. I rarely do anything I'm ashamed of while drinking. I just like to drink.
I've never had any work problems with alcohol and I doubt I ever will.
My wife married me when I was drinking every day, so she is happy I've cut down so much.
Both my parents are alcoholics. A number in the family are on both sides.
I mainly want to quit for my health and for my wife and son.
My last physical 4 years ago my doctor did say I needed to slow down a bit on the alcohol, so it's obviously affected me. I think I was still drinking 4-5 days a week then.
Here's the problem. I really don't think there is a driving reason for my drinking other than I like to drink. I like how it makes me feel. I like to escape, I guess. Not really running from anything, but just relax. I just feel like I feel more.
I know I should quit. I wish I would. But the only reason I don't is because I get bored. I'm a musician, and I'm not sure how that would be playing shows around alcohol and not being able to drink. I've done it before--not drank during shows. Just not sure I'd want to do it every time.
It seems crazy that I don't want to quit because I get bored. It also seems very selfish of me to do this, when I know it is hurting my body and I have a wife and son to take care of. I'm fortunate that my wife doesn't have to work, but if something were to happen to me, she wouldn't have a career to fall back on.
I really think the boredom is what drives it, although I do think cutting back so much has really open my eyes to the fact that I can function without it. It may not be the worst thing never drink again.
I also don't think I drink as much quantity as I used to.
Anyone ever been in a similar situation?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,385
Hi AThousandMiles 
My story was pretty similar - for most of my 20 years drinking, I always said I had no real problems with my drinking - no police call outs, no real embarrassments (there were but my crowd was pretty hard drinking so...) I was mainly a private drinker or drinking with other heavy drinkers....
My drinking came to define me tho (I was also a professional muso and the hard living hard drinking party animal thing went with the lifestyle)
The problem was that my drinking didn't stay the same - I started to make mistakes, to miss gigs, to foul up more and more - I became a liability, and I lost my career. I became 'that guy' the one who always drank too much - the screw up...
I'm not saying that will definitely happen to you, but I'd be surprised if there hasn't been some kind of progression in your drinking over the last couple of years?
I know lots of sober musos - I've played with a few over the last 5 years of sobriety although I'm no longer doing regular gigs - my life changed and so did my priorities but it's definitely possible to be a sober musician...look at people like Eric Clapton, Joe Walsh, Alice Cooper, James Hetfield...the list is a pretty long one.
I had to change a lot of things about my life when I quit drinking - but I don't feel as if I lost out at all. I got my life back
Welcome to SR
D
My story was pretty similar - for most of my 20 years drinking, I always said I had no real problems with my drinking - no police call outs, no real embarrassments (there were but my crowd was pretty hard drinking so...) I was mainly a private drinker or drinking with other heavy drinkers....
My drinking came to define me tho (I was also a professional muso and the hard living hard drinking party animal thing went with the lifestyle)
The problem was that my drinking didn't stay the same - I started to make mistakes, to miss gigs, to foul up more and more - I became a liability, and I lost my career. I became 'that guy' the one who always drank too much - the screw up...
I'm not saying that will definitely happen to you, but I'd be surprised if there hasn't been some kind of progression in your drinking over the last couple of years?
I know lots of sober musos - I've played with a few over the last 5 years of sobriety although I'm no longer doing regular gigs - my life changed and so did my priorities but it's definitely possible to be a sober musician...look at people like Eric Clapton, Joe Walsh, Alice Cooper, James Hetfield...the list is a pretty long one.
I had to change a lot of things about my life when I quit drinking - but I don't feel as if I lost out at all. I got my life back
Welcome to SR
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Hi AThousandMiles
My story was pretty similar - for most of my 20 years drinking, I always said I had no real problems with my drinking - no police call outs, no real embarrassments (there were but my crowd was pretty hard drinking so...) I was mainly a private drinker or drinking with other heavy drinkers....
My drinking came to define me tho (I was also a professional muso and the hard living hard drinking party animal thing went with the lifestyle)
The problem was that my drinking didn't stay the same - I started to make mistakes, to miss gigs, to foul up more and more - I became a liability, and I lost my career. I became 'that guy' the one who always drank too much - the screw up...
I'm not saying that will definitely happen to you, but I'd be surprised if there hasn't been some kind of progression in your drinking over the last couple of years?
I know lots of sober musos - I've played with a few over the last 5 years of sobriety although I'm no longer doing regular gigs - my life changed and so did my priorities but it's definitely possible to be a sober musician...look at people like Eric Clapton, Joe Walsh, Alice Cooper, James Hetfield...the list is a pretty long one.
I had to change a lot of things about my life when I quit drinking - but I don't feel as if I lost out at all. I got my life back
Welcome to SR
D
My story was pretty similar - for most of my 20 years drinking, I always said I had no real problems with my drinking - no police call outs, no real embarrassments (there were but my crowd was pretty hard drinking so...) I was mainly a private drinker or drinking with other heavy drinkers....
My drinking came to define me tho (I was also a professional muso and the hard living hard drinking party animal thing went with the lifestyle)
The problem was that my drinking didn't stay the same - I started to make mistakes, to miss gigs, to foul up more and more - I became a liability, and I lost my career. I became 'that guy' the one who always drank too much - the screw up...
I'm not saying that will definitely happen to you, but I'd be surprised if there hasn't been some kind of progression in your drinking over the last couple of years?
I know lots of sober musos - I've played with a few over the last 5 years of sobriety although I'm no longer doing regular gigs - my life changed and so did my priorities but it's definitely possible to be a sober musician...look at people like Eric Clapton, Joe Walsh, Alice Cooper, James Hetfield...the list is a pretty long one.
I had to change a lot of things about my life when I quit drinking - but I don't feel as if I lost out at all. I got my life back
Welcome to SR
D
That's why it's hard for me to quit. I keep cutting back more and more. I think it's my subconscious way of trying to find ways to continue to drink even though I know I should quit.
As a musician, I'd be lying if I said it never affected my performance. It used to a lot in my younger days, but then I heard some playback from my performance and I was very embarrassed, so now I only have 3-4 beers the whole night and then drink when I get home.
I just keep making these little deals with myself that allow me to continue to drink, I guess.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,385
That's OK - just sharing my experience
I never had any luck in cutting back - not consistently.
So...you want to quit, but you can't - not completely, and you're using the fact that you drink less nowadays as some kind of rationalization to keep on drinking.
You obviously still think it's a problem.
I know it's a big thing to consider - not drinking at all, but something bought you here.
You'll find a lot of support
D
I never had any luck in cutting back - not consistently.
So...you want to quit, but you can't - not completely, and you're using the fact that you drink less nowadays as some kind of rationalization to keep on drinking.
You obviously still think it's a problem.
I know it's a big thing to consider - not drinking at all, but something bought you here.
You'll find a lot of support
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 325
Are you having any problems that are alcohol related? Blackouts, arrests, health problems, missed gigs? If there are no consequences than I bet it would be really tough to cut out completely. A drinker who can control it and doesn't have consequences would be considered normal and not an alcoholic. I guess I'm curious what actually makes you an alcoholic?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 518
I think he said he was a high functioning alcoholic, but I partly agree with your post. My career w/alcohol was progressive (as are most), however his seems to be regressive by will power alone.
I think the true question, is when he drinks - how many is he having, and does he experience over the top drinking on the Fri/Sat he allows for himself - and the Thur of fantasizing about it.
My advice to OP - would be instead of cutting down to 6 days a week- to try and cut your (unknown) consumption in half on Fri/Sat and see how you handle that first. This would guide you and test you will power to actually become a moderate drinker (if that's even possible).
I think the true question, is when he drinks - how many is he having, and does he experience over the top drinking on the Fri/Sat he allows for himself - and the Thur of fantasizing about it.
My advice to OP - would be instead of cutting down to 6 days a week- to try and cut your (unknown) consumption in half on Fri/Sat and see how you handle that first. This would guide you and test you will power to actually become a moderate drinker (if that's even possible).
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 325
A good thing to try would be to have no drinks at all for 30 days and get a better idea on the dependency or not.
P.S. I was also just asking if there were details left out that could paint a better picture on the drinking problem!
P.S. I was also just asking if there were details left out that could paint a better picture on the drinking problem!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
I was a high functioning alcoholic (we all are because alcoholics are good at what they do) that drank for 30 years. I liked drinking. I knew I should stop but I enjoyed sucking down the JD, wine or beer whatever my fad was for the month. I didn't mix alcohol -I switched it. I could stop for awhile...days...months...maybe years. The alcohol has erased my time memory.
I ran a business, I tutored kids at school for 10 years...I went through my daily life as a robot because everything was such a habit and I was good at it drunk.
I tried to drink moderately...I tried just wine coolers...I tried watering it down...I tried 'just having a beer'. It ultimately drove me further into the hole because I had to make up for the lost time of not 'really' drinking.
Time slipped by...although I was a stay at home Mom my mind was often consumed with the drinking. Oh, my kids were taken care of...played sports, instruments, projects, we had farm animals, a big garden...but...
The drinking was taking over my life...buying it, hiding it, admitting to it...then husband and I separated due to other aspects of our relationship -not just drinking. Then I lost my new job...that's when it hit me. I quit all together.
You may have other feelings and emotions over how and why you drink -we all do. It is a personal sacred journey for each of us. But the bottom line for most of us is that we are here for a reason...and that reason is because booze IS a problem.
I ran a business, I tutored kids at school for 10 years...I went through my daily life as a robot because everything was such a habit and I was good at it drunk.
I tried to drink moderately...I tried just wine coolers...I tried watering it down...I tried 'just having a beer'. It ultimately drove me further into the hole because I had to make up for the lost time of not 'really' drinking.
Time slipped by...although I was a stay at home Mom my mind was often consumed with the drinking. Oh, my kids were taken care of...played sports, instruments, projects, we had farm animals, a big garden...but...
The drinking was taking over my life...buying it, hiding it, admitting to it...then husband and I separated due to other aspects of our relationship -not just drinking. Then I lost my new job...that's when it hit me. I quit all together.
You may have other feelings and emotions over how and why you drink -we all do. It is a personal sacred journey for each of us. But the bottom line for most of us is that we are here for a reason...and that reason is because booze IS a problem.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 3
I think I'm an alcoholic because I used to drink every day for 15 years. I'm also sure that if I wasn't afraid of the consequences of health, relationships, job, etc., that I'd drink every day like I used because I simply enjoy it when I do.
I pretty much isolate myself so I can't or don't get into any trouble when I do drink. Drink at night. With friends watching games at my house. Alone listening to music or rehearsing.
I don't drive drunk as I got a DUI about 15 years ago. I was actually slightly under the legal limit, but I failed the field sobriety tests so I was going down either way. It was an eye-opening moment for me so I stopped doing that, and I think it was the first time I felt I better try to get this under control.
I was addicted to tobacco about 15 years ago and quit and when I stopped drinking every day I went through the same psychological things I did when I quit tobacco.
Maybe the person above is right. Maybe I should make a deal with myself and try to quit for 30 days. See how that works.
I guess what I worry about the most is convincing myself I have all of this under control and then having it spiral completely out of control later on.
I pretty much isolate myself so I can't or don't get into any trouble when I do drink. Drink at night. With friends watching games at my house. Alone listening to music or rehearsing.
I don't drive drunk as I got a DUI about 15 years ago. I was actually slightly under the legal limit, but I failed the field sobriety tests so I was going down either way. It was an eye-opening moment for me so I stopped doing that, and I think it was the first time I felt I better try to get this under control.
I was addicted to tobacco about 15 years ago and quit and when I stopped drinking every day I went through the same psychological things I did when I quit tobacco.
Maybe the person above is right. Maybe I should make a deal with myself and try to quit for 30 days. See how that works.
I guess what I worry about the most is convincing myself I have all of this under control and then having it spiral completely out of control later on.
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