Day Nine
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 205
Day Nine
This is my first post because, although I've been reading the Forums since I stopped drinking December 2/11, I couldn't register because my ISP wouldn't accept emails from this site for some reason (finally used a different email account and it worked almost immediately).
I hit a fairly public bottom on December 1, and it helped to read the posts here, and to realize I wasn't alone, and that others had endured similar humiliations.
The shakes have gone, and I'm starting to sleep nights, but I'm still feeling weak and tired and unfocused.
There's a mischief in the world too - quite apart from the wreckage caused from my own drunkenness - that's created an amazing amount of drama in the last week, affording ample excuse to reach for the bottle.
I realized though, in large part from reading the posts here, that I lie to myself that I use alcohol to cope with stress. Rather, I use stressful events as an excuse to drink. Hows that for an epiphany?
I hit a fairly public bottom on December 1, and it helped to read the posts here, and to realize I wasn't alone, and that others had endured similar humiliations.
The shakes have gone, and I'm starting to sleep nights, but I'm still feeling weak and tired and unfocused.
There's a mischief in the world too - quite apart from the wreckage caused from my own drunkenness - that's created an amazing amount of drama in the last week, affording ample excuse to reach for the bottle.
I realized though, in large part from reading the posts here, that I lie to myself that I use alcohol to cope with stress. Rather, I use stressful events as an excuse to drink. Hows that for an epiphany?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Riel))) - welcome to SR!! I lurked, here, for over a year and had a relapse, but this site just kept calling me. I credit SR and the great people here for my 4-1/2 years+ in recovery.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Menominee Mi
Posts: 112
Hi there,
I'm on day 4. It's been a rough couple of days. Ups and downs. I hardly sleep. Lots of night sweats. Headaches and muscle twitching and cramping. I wanted a drink today really bad. I finally talked myself out of it. I want to do this more than anything in the world. I have been so ashmed of myself in the last several years. I have acted terrible and treated other people without much respect. I am trying to remember who I was before the horror started. It was so long ago. I was young and pritty. I'm still smart. I started working out today to get rid of the BOOZE fat. I wish you the best that life can bring. YOU CAN DO IT.
Diana
I'm on day 4. It's been a rough couple of days. Ups and downs. I hardly sleep. Lots of night sweats. Headaches and muscle twitching and cramping. I wanted a drink today really bad. I finally talked myself out of it. I want to do this more than anything in the world. I have been so ashmed of myself in the last several years. I have acted terrible and treated other people without much respect. I am trying to remember who I was before the horror started. It was so long ago. I was young and pritty. I'm still smart. I started working out today to get rid of the BOOZE fat. I wish you the best that life can bring. YOU CAN DO IT.
Diana
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
You sound ready, Riel. You never have to put yourself through that again. Keep on talking to us!
perea3 - Congratulations on your 4 days. I felt like that, too - and it all passed. You'll come out into the sunshine once again.
perea3 - Congratulations on your 4 days. I felt like that, too - and it all passed. You'll come out into the sunshine once again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 205
Thanks for the welcome, everyone.
The dust is still settling from my indiscretion, but it looks like I'm not going to suffer any further consequences from it, other than the usual loss of reputation, respect etc..
It occurs to me that being sober is something of a shield from fortune's slings and arrows. There are people who are very keen to hurt me, but if I stay sober there's very little they can do. If I drink, I not only harm myself, but make myself vulnerable to my antagonists.
It's day ten and I'm starting to feel a bit more cheerful, and optimistic, as contrasted with anxious and guilt-ridden.
The dust is still settling from my indiscretion, but it looks like I'm not going to suffer any further consequences from it, other than the usual loss of reputation, respect etc..
It occurs to me that being sober is something of a shield from fortune's slings and arrows. There are people who are very keen to hurt me, but if I stay sober there's very little they can do. If I drink, I not only harm myself, but make myself vulnerable to my antagonists.
It's day ten and I'm starting to feel a bit more cheerful, and optimistic, as contrasted with anxious and guilt-ridden.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Riel - It's great you're starting to feel better. You can build up your reputation and self-respect - all the bad things will become a dim memory.
Looking4newlife - Congratulations on your 4 days. Let us know how the blood test goes. You're not alone in this - we're here to help.
Looking4newlife - Congratulations on your 4 days. Let us know how the blood test goes. You're not alone in this - we're here to help.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Glad to hear you kicked week one in the butt. It's tough, I know.
And it's funny that there is so much racing through our minds about our past experiences with booze. What we said...what we did...the downright idiotic bahavior that is initiated by a mere liquid.
But I have found -early in sobriety, that all of the bad thoughts and actions we had in the past can not be changed. They remain engraved on a tomb of our past life.
Thinking ahead and being positive and pessimistic of our upcoming new life is the best way to encourage it happening. I do remember my past...the feelings and thoughts behind my alcoholism keeps me in a constant reality check. But I have made great efforts to plan a future, create a goal for myself, keep focused on my prize and life seems to fall in sequence.
Keep up the good work...and focus on the prize. Peace.
And it's funny that there is so much racing through our minds about our past experiences with booze. What we said...what we did...the downright idiotic bahavior that is initiated by a mere liquid.
But I have found -early in sobriety, that all of the bad thoughts and actions we had in the past can not be changed. They remain engraved on a tomb of our past life.
Thinking ahead and being positive and pessimistic of our upcoming new life is the best way to encourage it happening. I do remember my past...the feelings and thoughts behind my alcoholism keeps me in a constant reality check. But I have made great efforts to plan a future, create a goal for myself, keep focused on my prize and life seems to fall in sequence.
Keep up the good work...and focus on the prize. Peace.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 205
Well, I spoke too soon. I'm still in trouble. I'm not sure how this will play out.
But I'm not going to use this as an excuse to drink.
I have to accept the fact that my actions have consequences. I can't escape the consequences of my former bad choices, but at least I can make better choices going forward.
But I'm not going to use this as an excuse to drink.
I have to accept the fact that my actions have consequences. I can't escape the consequences of my former bad choices, but at least I can make better choices going forward.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Missouri
Posts: 133
I too am dealing with the after effects of poor decision making while drinking, and likely will be for some time.
One things for sure drinking to deal with the stress caused by problems brought about by drinking will not make anything better. Sounds like you understand that.
One things for sure drinking to deal with the stress caused by problems brought about by drinking will not make anything better. Sounds like you understand that.
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