Trying to decide what to do.
 

It's weird, I can't decide what I need to do in terms of alcohol... It seems like I go through stages of drinking heavily and then not drinking much at all. I spend about 10 weeks, a few months back, drinking heavily every day/night and blacking out regularly. During that time, I've passed out at bars or driven home drunk and made some really bad decisions in other areas of my life.

But It certainly hasn't all gone downhill, I'm at point right now where I drink only 2 drinks in the evening (if I drink), and have been pretty successful with moderate drinking. But I'm still a little scared that I'm going to go back to heavy drinking.

I can't figure out if I'm just abusing alcohol during those periods, or if I'm an alcoholic and need to quit completely to avoid having these bad episodes again.

For the past few months, I've felt really in control, especially compared to my seriously alcoholic roommate (drunk every night). But earlier this week, he went into a drunk violent rage during which I had to call the police. He's leaving immediately to avoid legal trouble, and everyone is ok, but it gave me a good glimpse at how destructive things can get when alcohol is in the picture...

So I'm just wondering if anyone has any good advice from here? What are some "alcoholic" signs I should look for? I've looked at these forums in the past when I was worried about my drinking, and everyone seemed so knowledgeable and supportive :)

Thanks everyone.

Hi and welcome LookingUp

There's all sorts of factors you could consider. This link is a pretty clear description of alcohol abuse versus alcohol dependence:

Alcoholism and Alcohol Abuse: Signs, Symptoms, and Help for Drinking Problems

If you identify with points from either, it might be pause for thought.

this self diagnostic test may help you too:
Michigan Alcohol Screening Test (MAST), Revised

In the end tho, I cut to the chase - does my drinking cause me problems?
if the answer is yes, the next question has to be 'what do I do about that' :)

you'll find a lot of support here - good to have you with us.

I think you should see your doctor. The cyclic nature you are describing may mean other things and you might be self-medicating. Sorry about your roomate but yes that is exactly where alcohol and drugs can take us.
What do you have to lose staying sober?

That's a little more than weird...That borders on being dangerous to you and others. I would take a real hard look at whatever decision you need to do in terms of alcohol. That's not normal.

I know part of it is anxiety cycles. I have OCD, and I tried to take Xanax (along with years of therapy), but it never really worked for me. The therapy helps, but I still go through bad times with it.

I know I shouldn't self-medicate with alcohol, but nothing else has worked to minimize the anxiety... The cycles just build on themselves though. I drink more to make the anxiety go away...and, at the same time, produce more problems to be anxious about. X_X Usually the anxiety just disappears one day, and my compulsion to drink excessively does too! What do you do for anxiety after you quit drinking?

Can't argue with that question though blackstrat...staying sober can't possibly be a BAD thing :)

Yeah...You only have to blackout while you are driving once.

The problem with using alcohol for anxiety is ...it breeds anxiety.

not only was anxiety one of the hallmarks of my withdrawal, but once I got used to self medicating my anxiety, I started to 'need' a drink, and the resultant anxiety led me back to a drink...it's a self perpetuating cycle.

I've found far better results dealing with my anxiety from counselling, breathing and relaxation exercises than I ever did with drinking.

D

I have never driven while blacked out (not like that's much of a defense). But I do keep a breathalyzer in my car and have driven even when it read more than .08

It's been better since I came back to the United States. It's so easy to get drunk any time/any where in Rome without anyone looking at you the way they do here.

But I'm starting to get scared for my liver, kidneys, etc too..

Dee- Thanks for the advice! I'm going to have some calming tea and get through a Saturday night without drinking :)