Sara23

Enough is enough! I fell off the wagon hard last night. Stupid Holiday work party! I drank way to much. I had the choice to leave after dinner and I didn't do it. Instead I choose to go out with everyone and now here I am: Scared, mad at myself, and sick!!!! I mean its like 24 hours later and I am still sick as a dog throwing up and pounding head all combined with an anxiety attack!!! Its just not worth it anymore. I want to be happy and healthy! I want to be free from this terrible feeling. I don't know if this hangover is so bad because I have not been drinking or what but my god this is not worth it! I'm done! For my own selfish wanting to feel better I am done!

suki44883

Recovery requires some selfishness. You have to be willing to put your sobriety first above pretty much all else. When that switch clicks in your brain, you will be willing to do whatever is necessary. Sounds like maybe you've reached that point.

Sara23

Thanks suki you make a great point! I have to be a little selfish right now hu? I mean, not wanting better for myself would result in me drinking and not caring. I care so much now. So much more tthan I ever have before. And I do so much for other people around me that its about time I did something for myself!

Dee74

good to see you back Sara - I really hope this is it for you too...you can make it that way

D

Sparkydog

Sara,those were my words exactly when I stopped, thats it Im done. That was 10 months ago, everything in my life is better for it. The amount I had to drink to get a buzz was insane, then felling like crap the next day, memory loss, all the benefits of alcohol, what a waste of time.

Without a doubt the best gift you can give yourself, its like earning a masters degree in common sense, to never feel like crap again because of alcohol, and if you ever get the urge just envision yourself the next day.

Now I dont even get the urges, its just all in the hazy past, no thanks I have no desire to feel like crap again.

Zebra1275

It sounds like you feel miserable now. I've been there.

The problem is that in a few days we forget and convince ourselves that it wasn't really "that bad." Eventually it's just a distant memory and we pick up again. That's one of the reasons I go to meetings, to be reminded through the stories of others, of how bad I want to be sober.

Anna

Sara, I found that I need to really BELIEVE that I deserved a good life.

At that point, I stopping self-sabotaging.

I'm glad you're back.

quitforme79

Glad you are back Sara. I slipped recently and I had one of the worst hangovers ever just as you describe. I threw up for almost 24 hours and my headache lasted for 3 days. I am still battling with a case of gastritis. In the past however, those hangovers never really stopped me because I would somehow "forget" how bad they were. When I slipped it was like a switch flipped and the alkie part of my brain took over. I didn't make an effort to fight it by calling my therapist or coming on here for support. Now I know the steps I need to take when that voice starts talking again as I know it probably will at some point. I hope you feel better soon and keep hanging out here at SR. At this point, it's my life line.

MsJax

Maybe write down how awful you're feeling. Hangover/withdrawals/whatever

You can have a sober life now. Also, I feel that calling our sobriety "on the wagon" makes it easy to "fall off". Make being sober your way of life.

Gerbosko

Sara - what are you going to do differently this time? Saying "that's it I'm done!" are only words.

ru12

I've been where you are Sara. Last December I finally say alcohol for the poison that it really is and just stopped drinking it. My only regret is that I didn't do it sooner. I feel so much better. You can do this!

singlespeed

Hi Sara. I quit drinking then had just one drink a few days into it and it made me feel like absolute crap - headache, nausea. I was glad I had done it as it was a wake up call that I did NOT want to feel that way ever again. Please do not beat yourself up over your slip. It happened and now you can learn from it and move on. Today is your new Day 1 and you can make it count. Get your support systems in place and give sobriety your all. You can do it.

RyanRed

Thanks for sharing Sara! Just hang in there! Just try to keep moving forward! Don't beat yourself up to bad, but don't just brush it off to the side either. If anything, focus on the pain, so it leaves a lasting impression in your mind about how horrible you feel right now. That you never want to feel like this again!

Let this also be a good reminder to us all. Look at Sara, and realize this could just as easily be one of us! Use Sara's mistake as a reminder of how painful alcohol really is. How it hurts more than it actually falsely makes us feel.

Sara, your slip up is most likely helping more people than you know.

Stay strong my friend!

-Ryan

Zencat

Learning to make healthy choices can take some time. Its not selfish to make self-care a first priority. You can beat addiction.

Sara23

Thanks everyone for the support! Today is a new day and I'm feeling good and confident in my decision to make my life better.

hungover12

Sara 23,

I know how you are feeling, and it sucks. You shoulda' gone home and shoulda' said no, to the drinks after dinner. I am always hard on myself too when I slip up, and make myself feel worse eventhough I'm beyond hung over, it's a horrible feeling.

But it is now all in the past and it is a brand new day. You know for next time to get the heck out of there though! I always think, " One glass of wine is not a big deal, I'll control myself." Then the next day I drank 2 bottles of wine and tons of shots and do not remember getting home! It's just not worth it anymore or who we want to be anymore!

Stay strong!!

Ellen36

So true, ryan. I have been struggling with not drinking today, my Day 5. I read sara's post and it helped me remember....I really don't want to feel that way. thank you for sharing, Sara. Now you can re-read the post you wrote when you think you can drink in the future. No more is right!

Hevyn

Hi Sara. Glad you talked about what happened - it always helps. I said the same thing the last time I binged, and almost 4 yrs. later I have stuck to it! Sometimes we have to get really disgusted with ourselves. It worked for me. You can do this.